Yeah I know it’s cocky but fuck it sue me. I got to give it to myself sometimes I say some down right funny/clever shit. Plus when I get bored I read my own shit.
“Every time I seen these 3rd world tribal village titties it just bums me out. I mean they walk around all day with these triangle long flat titties and since it’s their way National Geographic won’t blur it out.” - From “What Really Grinds My Gears National Geographic Edition: Indigenous People Specials”
“I wonder what it would be like to be in a relationship with a woman with a famous baby daddy. I could almost imagine it... Coming home to Maybach parked in your drive way, your next door neighbor running up telling you that he thinks Swiss Beats is in your back yard playing catch with your step son. Walk thru the door and this nigga holding your remote control with his feet up on your coffee table. Every year his Christmas gifts shitting on yours, his family vacations shitting on yours and every time he pop up it’s like everybody pause.” - From “And I wonder”
“You are super clingy or just doing too much”
“Real talk instead of saying “Shawty you doing too much” or “Shawty you stifling a nigga I can’t fucking breathe let me get some time to myself” we opt not to take your calls anymore. Instead of getting in an argument that will probably end up in us not talking anymore anyway we can end it here with the end button that the cell phones companies intended for us to use. Yeah it’s the sucker way out I guess, but should I really have to deal with the aggression of person I’m clearly not planning on knowing anymore?” - From “Why We Dip (Yep I’m guilty we includes me)”
“The PEAK of LAME and I should have jumped off and killed myself”
“(Real talk I’m staring at the screen trying to find the best way to word this shit to make me look the least lame as possible. Just thinking about it reaffirms why she cut me off like a Mexican with a switchblade.) At this time Nicole and I been chopping it up pretty heavy for like a good 8 days; she saw me like almost twice a day (including jogging). She snuck me into the dorm bypassing the sign-in process at the time this meant nothing to me I figured I was going home anyway. We were in the room chilling and she was playing me close but for some strange reason when I’m in serious ‘like’ with a chick my “she’s trying to give you some pussy” detector just doesn’t function well (I might have to check into that). So she stepped it up a notch and began to change in front of me and I actually looked away; like I was really trying not to look at her get underdressed (anti-pussy move). After she switches into the Adina Howard outfit (T-Shirt and panties) it’s time to go to sleep and I should spend the night. So here I am grown ass man with a count in the triple digits laying next to a half naked attractive girl that I’m seriously digging in jeans and a tank-top then she turns to me and says “Don’t you want to take your jeans off?” I reply “Nah I’m good” then proceed to go to sleep. It wasn’t until I was halfway home and started to do the night’s recap in my head that I realized that I smoothly worked my way out of the pussy.” - From “Like done fucked up the pussy for me”
“Shitting at work”
“I do my best to exclusively chuck the deuce on company time to me it’s fiscally irresponsible do it anywhere else. If I do it at home not only I’m I not getting paid to shit those toilet paper squares add up so I’m actually losing money. Bonus tip: if you work a lot of overtime when you drop the deuce you’re getting time and a half for the win.” – From “4 Great ways to save money”
“If your friend asked who I was to you what would you say?”
“In a nutshell, if you’re not my girl, you’re a chick I chill with; end of story. What the fuck should I say? You are the sunshine of my life? You complete me? I don’t know what ya’ll expect on that one, but females love to put a title on shit; just can’t let shit be.” – From “Questions Women Ask That I Hate”
These might be the easiest blog I ever wrote
Jean DeGrate has spoken again kinda I guess
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