More Unfortunate Truths

Yep, I’m back to rain on your parade once more. So without further delay, here are a few more unfortunate truths...

You’re not attractive.
Most people are ugly. If don’t believe me… look around your office or school or neighborhood, do a head count of the truly attractive people around, see how many people go uncounted (to avoid all bias, don’t include your friends… but frankly 87.2% of them motherfuckers are ugly too). Sure, we all have some sort of redeeming quality. Naaaahhhh I’m lying. Just as there are Must Have and Maybe women, naturally there are their male counterparts. There’s a lot of folks running around here looking beat in the face and are under the impression that it’s not so. Chances are you’re ugly too and that brings me to…

You’re not a model.
I know Ray-Ray got a banging ass Cannon digital camera for Christmas so he’s upgraded from making RIP shirts to photo shoots. In turn, you went from doing lap dances at the boom-boom room and taking jazzy camera phone pictures in your bathroom to becoming a full out internet model (which is code for I got half naked pics on Twitter and FaceBook). The truth is: you’d probably be more successful inventing a jellybean powered cell phone than actually making it as a real model. The pictures are cool, especially on Tittie Tuesday and Thong Thursday. I like logging onto Twitter to see Photoshopped ass and titties all over my timeline, but bitch pleaseeeeee (and I rarely beg) don’t quit your day job.

“NO You CAN’T” (contrary to what Barack says)
Willpower is something most people lack when it comes to reaching the personal goals they’ve set for themselves. Profiting on your unreachable expectations is big business. Ask the Nicorette people, the Phillip-Morris Corporation, McDonald’s, and Bally’s. You can’t manage to stick to your New Year’s resolutions. It’s ok; nobody really expected you to. Go ahead… just quit. Eat a donut, smoke a cigarette, save the money you wasted on that silly ass gym membership. Being healthy and responsible is played out anyway.

At least one of these truths you can make a lie.
Jean DeGrate has spoken.