Thursday, February 21, 2013

The Problem with Dating Super Fine Women

"For every beautiful woman there in a man tried of fucking her" - anonymous

In my lifetime I've dated a lot of girls and I do mean legitimately dated (dinner, movies, phone conversations to the wee hours of the morning and all that other dope shit). Sometimes the line between just fucking and dating gets blurred; I know that at least 70% of the girls I was just fucking believed we were dating with a tremendous amount of certainty, but that's a blog for another day and time. Anyway out of that plethora of women I've dated a handful of them were fine. I'm not talking this Twitter thirst trap fine where niggas just gas up ya'll slightly above average chicks or the pictures have been photoshopped into an entirely different person. Nah, these women were neck turning, horn beeping, niggas just straight out being disrespectful, gorgeous with morning breath and cold in her eye fine. I can think of about 7 women that fit those criteria and the 3 of them that were sane I could never quite remember how we fell off. I thought we had some good times. I don't ever remember sending any of them off into the night crying. About two years ago it became crystal clear to me. Well let me share my findings with you.

Let's use the last super fine chick I used to talk we'll call her Azumi because I believe all super fine chicks actually should have one of those crazy exotic sounding name (she didn't have on though). I met Azumi while buying the Puma x Evisu jeans... you know this back history shit ain't important so I'm going to fast forwarding through this shit... We got all the preliminary bullshit conversations out the way; got a couple dates under my belt and I got the cheeks a handful of times; you'd think I'd be all good with this fine chick, but you'd be dead fucking wrong. Talking to Azumi, when we weren't face to face, was painful like when you stick the Q-tip too far into your ear canal. This bitch had about as much personality as a bowl of cereal. Nope, I take that back I'm 100% sure eating a bowl of Lucky Charms is far more exhilarating.

First off super fine women come in 3 categories...

Fine as fuck but crazy as fuck
Whether they are naturally crazy or hardship and adversity made them slightly touched either way they function outside of the realm of sane people. With that said these women don't apply to this blog because of their sanity limitations.

Ugly duckling becoming a swan fine (which includes used to be fat bitches)
These women weren't always fine so they weren't always the center attention and they don't carry the underlining issues that always been fine women carry. On that road to proactiv, weight loss and growing into their features they lived a regular life plagued with slander just like the rest of you women. She's newly fine and chances are she's just visiting.

Always been fine
They don't live the lives of you regular women and never will. Their entire upbringing is a product of how the world around them has cared and praised them for just being pretty.

Limited Personality
Talking to an extremely pretty girl is a lot like talking to 5 year old little girl. Her favorite topic is herself. Her go to topic is herself. Her closing topic is herself. Her range of topics are very limited because mostly everybody she comes in contact with only wants to talk about her. Her friends aren't her friend because she is charming; they are her friends because they gravitate to her beauty and the perks of being in her presence. The pretty girl is the girl that gets some poor sap to not only to buy her drinks but her entire crew drinks every single time they hit the streets. (Note to you regular chicks if you've ever purchased a drink in the presence of single men you're not super fine).

Sense of entitlement
She's used to the best or at least better than the people around her. She's used to receiving what she wants with little to no effort since people have always bent of backwards just for the chance to cater to her. Strangers buy her things so now that she's dating you she'll expect things because she's always gotten gifts from the men who have dated her in the past. (Note to you regular chicks real bad bitches are never broke because some guy will always set that money out without her laying on her back to get it. If you've ever been broke and nobody tossed a life raft out to you just because you're not super fine). She won't see it as a man trying to buy her affections because that's the way it has always been since she was a child. This leads us to her...

Not so firm grip on reality
She thinks people are just inherently nice. The world is a good and wholesome place because it tends to always be sunny where she is. It's harder for her to grasp the concept of atrocities in the world; everything is much more cut and dry. Nothing is really that complex. All it takes to make your dreams come true is hard work and determination things like great ideas, ingenuity and a strong base of support aren't really deal breakers or makers. She will question your ambition and determination based off of what you've accomplished for yourself because it's that easy to do better.

Oh you're super fine and this doesn't apply to you? Then you're not super fine.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Coming soon "Girl, You Ain't Know We Was Just Fucking?"

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Thursday, February 14, 2013

Sideline Dudes are Winning

Make no mistake the negative outlook that goes along with being a sideline hoe is by no means applied to being a sideline dude. I don't know what you women having been dreaming up but the sideline dudes and sideline hoes live in two totally different worlds. Please take this time out from your busy day to allow me to elaborate.

Men willingly become sideline dudes
You ever had a man try to talk to you only for you to tell him you have a man then he turns around and ask if you can have friends? Of course you have. That right there is his application to be a sideline dude. You got a man? Cool. He won't try to take you from him. Nope; your man can hold on to all his manly duties. He just wants to talk you out of pussy. That's the best pussy in the world. No strings attached pussy. Keep your man, he hopes you two get married but make no mistake he will keep beating up that pussy for as long as you allow it.

Sideline dudes know our roles
Sideline dudes will never blow up your phone when you respond to a text. Sideline dudes don't care why your phone is off; they just naturally assume you're not in a position to talk. Sideline dudes are never looking to make the move to main dude; he already knows you're are a disloyal bitch and that's not the type of woman he wants as his girl. Sideline dudes won't pop up at your house unannounced; your man might be there and he doesn't want to rock that boat. Sideline dudes aren't getting emotional about some pussy that's clearly temporarily on loan from some other poor chap that doesn't know his queen is really just a hoe.

Sideline dudes have all of the perks but none of the downsides of a relationship
Sideline dudes don't do periods, dates, gifts or any other shit that is expected of her actual man. She got a man for that he's the one that's going to help her move, give her $100 to hold over to payday, rescue her when she gets a flat on the side of the road and rub her tummy when she gets sick. A sideline dude is simply dick on call. She's trying to escape from her man for a few hours and all the sideline dude has to do is be available.

Sideline dudes don't suffer the ridicule of sideline hoes
When a woman is normally sleeping with a man in a relationship (with the exception of Olivia Pope for some strange reason) she's a whore, home-wrecker and just a down right bad human being. Her friends look down on her. Her momma looks down on her. Even Jesus looks down on her in shame and his daddy got a married bitch pregnant then left her husband to raise him (poor Joseph). When a sideline dude is doing his thing with another man's woman she's the slut and he is revered amongst his homies. His daddy will give him high 5's for being a player. "So you mean to tell me she got a live in man that's claiming her kid as his own and she's sneaking out to give you the pussy while driving his car to do it? Son you're winning right now."

Sideline dudes are up in category ya'll hoes on some other shit
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Why it Sucks to Be Single on Valentine's Day if you're a Girl

It's that time of year when happy couples (and even not so happy couples pretend to be happy) get a little bit closer in the celebration of Valentine's Day. Men will spend money in excess on flowers that will be dead in a week, overpriced meals, chocolate and heart shaped jewelry straight from Kay Jewelers. In return he'll receive the same old pussy he's been receiving only this time it will be dressed in new lingerie, but the object of his affection will know for sure that she is loved. For those women that find themselves boo-less on Valentine's Day, love will be in the air and on every social network reminding you of the plight of your singleness.

Roses on your co-workers desk
Nothing will ever make you feel lonelier than that delivery man running zig-zag patterns thru your office dropping off flowers and candy to your fellow female co-workers. Man that shit got to burn; I don't care how "single by choice" you think you are. The lack of male suitors even making an attempt to woo you on the most romantic day of the year is a clear declaration of how unwanted you actually are. Not a whole lot of validity in those IG likes and thirsty DM's when slew footed Keisha got a dozen white roses sitting on her desk.

Your child and your mom are your only valentines
Tomorrow morning your child is going to cut a heart out of construction paper cover it in glue and glitter then write "To Mommy" on it. This will be the highlight of your day. Not because your child loves you (you clothe and feed them the least they can offer in return is love) but because you know nothing else is coming. Your mother giving you that box of chocolates and a card is just because she knows you're lonely. You know without a shadow of a doubt nobody is checking for you boo.

Your old boo got a new boo
You know for a fact you're old dude has a new girl because you stalk her on Instagram. You've seen all their pictures together. You've seen the sweet text messages he sent her. You've even seen the Christmas presents. Today you wish you hadn't seen any of that, but just like a bad car accident you can't look away so you'll be checking her FB, Twitter and Instagram every hour on the hour to see what grand gesture of his love he provided for her. It doesn't matter if he bought you a Gucci bag when you were together and he bought her a Coach bag because tonight that Gucci bag won't keep you from being alone.

You're bitter
It's something about the open displays of love and happiness that cause people to dig into the darkness of their hearts to try and shit on every ones joy because they aren't feeling the love. Tomorrow that might be you. You don't want to be a hater but you can't help yourself. You'll throw out the classic lines like "You should show somebody you love them every day" and "It's a made up commercial holiday". You wouldn't feel that way if you knew you were getting roses tomorrow though.

Send yourself some flowers then post it IG we won't know your him doesn't exist
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Why it Rocks to Be Single on Valentine's Day if you're a Dude

It's that time of year when happy couples (and even not so happy couples pretend to be happy) get a little bit closer in the celebration of Valentine's Day. Men will spend money in excess on flowers that will be dead in a week, overpriced meals, chocolate and heart shaped jewelry straight from Kay Jewelers. In return he'll receive the same old pussy he's been receiving only this time it will be dressed in new lingerie.

Thank sweet baby Jesus you're single.

You don't have to spend a dime. You just saved a small fortune my nigga. Seriously, you couldn't have saved more if you switched your car insurance to Geico. You don't have to cut into your new Jordan fund or cut into that tax return money to prove to a girl you already have that you still love her. Nope. You can blow that newly acquired cash via the good people at H&R Block and the hood rat two buildings down that let you claim her kids however you feel. You won and don't let nobody ever tell you different.

You don't have to go the extra mile for the same old box.
Today is the day before V-day and millions of poor guys are running around to make sure their "I" s are dotted and "T" s are crossed on the plans for tomorrow. Bungled plans on V-day can ripple into a box shut out for days to come. Not the single guy thought. He's winning because being woman-less on February 14th is never a bad thing when you take into consideration the shit you need to deal with if you had one.

Those lonely hoes are out here.
The women that didn't make the cut during choosing season are still on the bench looking for a chance to get in the game. The pressure is on for these hoes. They are firing signal flares for all to see. The lonely hoes that aren't claiming their children as a valentine will be at somebody's happy hour tonight looking to get chosen late in the 4th quarter. Shit, even a single guy sitting in the friend zone can smoothly break into the cheek zone with a properly worded text and invitation to "chill" this week. All that corny bullshit that would have gotten you laughed at and screenshotted onto twitter and IG will get you in the door as her loneliness hits its peak.

Women don't really celebrate Steak and BJ day
If you were in a relationship trust and believe you won't reap the benefits of Steak and BJ day. Yesterday I bought it up on twitter and one of my followers thought I made it up. It's on no calendars so the guy in a relationship isn't getting any extra perks on March 14th.

Yep it's dope to be a single this time of year
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Box Mismanagement

...and by box I mean pussy

So today by the great people on Twitter I was provided with the story of Nancy Gonzalez, a corrections officer at the federal Metropolitan Detention Center in Brooklyn. Since I never fully trust any real news coming from Twitter I had to Google the story myself and I'll be damn if this grown ass 29 year old woman wasn't fucking a convicted cop killer then to top it all off she's 8 months pregnant with his child. What the entire fuck is going on here? This shit right here is an extreme example of pussy mismanagement. She just caught a nut that's going to turn her entire life upside down with irreparable damage. She facing jail time, she's having a kid by a guy that's never coming home and she ruined her referrals from this job because at the very least she's going to get fired.

Ladies remember when your mom or dad told you that your pussy was precious and you should be very careful about whom you give it to? Well the part about your vagina being precious was bullshit but the being careful bit is nothing but the gospel. See unlike men, with the majority of women the female sexual organ is somehow directly connected to the heart. With that said the guy wreaking havoc in the sheets has the ability to wreak havoc in other parts of her life as well. I.E. we are in the heart of tax season so some women are out here allowing men to claim their kids or dedicating a portion of her refund on his re-up package for a quick flip in return. Oh yeah 9 out of 10 times that quick flip never comes.

Common pussy mismanagement woes...

Kids by ain't shit niggas is the number 1 pussy mismanagement issue. My favorite line to women with kids by ain't shit niggas is "...but you let him hit it raw though". Now this lady is going to spend the next 18 plus years struggling to support a kid she didn't have on her own but at the same time a kid she shouldn't have had anyway. And miss me with that "Oh I love my children and I wouldn't trade them for anything in the world shit" you're a mother you're suppose to love anything that falls out of your pussy except a tampon. Loving your child won't make taking off work to spend all day sitting in child support court only to come back home empty handed any easier.

Bad credit
I know women that have set that cash out to keep a nigga satisfied (mostly fat women though). They've spent money they didn't have ran up credit cards and even financed cars in their name all for their boo to ride clean only to see the repo man drive away with it 7 or 8 months later. She talking on a Boost Mobile whiles this nigga on an iPhone but she's the only one working 40 hours a week is a tale as old as pre-paid phones. Jodi from "Baby Boy" didn't invent dropping his girl off at work to run the streets in her car all day move.

Right here in my city (Washington DC) black women are leading the charge with AIDS. Heterosexual women in the poorest neighborhoods infection rate has doubled in 2 years. Why you ask? Because ain't shit nigga beez in the trap (please forgive the Nikki Menaj reference). They are running thru these hoes with reckless abandon and these hoes are letting them. It's not even just in the hood; dudes got women running to doctors on a regular basis with broken pussy issues, all because of poor pussy management and no Magic Johnson money to make everything alright again.

The problem is...
When women are looking down a man's dating resume they aren't looking for shit like integrity and character. Nah fuck that dumb shit. Integrity doesn't pay for $200 dollar dates or Michael Kors bags and damn sure doesn't crack jokes or have a bad boy streak. Bitches want men with nice cars, a wallet full of money, fly clothes and an Instagram page with a gang of thirsty bitches checking for him. Unfortunately these are the men that will fuck you and forget once they've gotten what they want from you. You'll be sitting there heartbroken with your life in disarray and he'll be acting like he never knew you. He won, you lost.

Don't fumble with that pussy it might cost you more than some mileage
Jean DeGrate has spoken

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