I feel like I used to do this all the time but maybe I didn't I felt like I used to do a lot of shit all the time and it turns out I didn't. I’m awesome at talking about shit I don’t like. Way before Chief Keef became popular for telling folks what he doesn’t like in song I was doing it for free and telling anybody that would listen. I think I’m about to get back into it on a regular basis starting today. (Don’t hold me to that because next week I’ll be off this shiy and on to some other shit.)
1. Photoshopped Divas
First off bitch who you fooling? I’ve been feeling some kind of way about this for minute but I was throwing parties and I wanted your $20 so I let that shit live. At every event that shit used to burn me the fuck up. Joints would pull up me with heavily blemished skin, 20 to 60 lbs heavier and 3 shades darker off some “hi Jean I’m such and such” Whole time I’m like “no the fuck you not”. Seriously what’s the end game? People are going to see you in real life and shit is not going to add up. You were getting 8 treatment as a 5 and now people going to feel catfished. Especially you fucking “I love my flaws and all; don’t body shame me” chicks because you don’t even like you. (Gripe adjacent not wearing makeup is not an accomplishment; wearing natural hair is not an accomplishment.)
2. Celebrities with social media
I used to love Stacey Dash and then I discovered her on Twitter. (Why did God give this bitch internet access? I can’t even watch Clueless anymore.) I used to love Erykah Badu then I read her tweets. I used to love Kanye and now I wish they would have just kept his jaw wired shut. This information age is giving me way too much information and I don’t like it. Walt Disney was a wild bigot, anti-union and fair wages, but he didn’t have a Twitter account so we still love Mickey Mouse and take our kids to Disney world to spend a small fortune. Ignorance is bliss. Remember when that white lady told LeBron to shut up and play basketball? Of course you do it was kind of a big thing. I don’t want to be that lady but when I find out the people I admire because of their craft are trash people it ruins everything they are to me. Fortunately I will continue to illegally download Kanye’s music because he can’t a single stream out of me.
3. Your take on what celebrities should do
It might have been last month or two months ago but one of The Migos bought some random dude a Nissan Altima because of he pulled him out of his wrecked car. You idiots were going off. “An Altima? That’s it?” Should he had bought that man a Maybach? A random dude with no car at all? How is he going to insure that? Call up Lloyd’s of London? You idiots stay with the most input on what rich people should do. From how Ciara should parent baby Future to what Cardi B should be wearing on red carpets. How about you take all that energy and flip it into a part time job so you can pay off your Altima a little bit faster.
4. People that complain about what social media won’t let you post
Being on social media is like living in your parents’ house. It’s going to be some rules. Some of them you’re going to agree with because they make perfect sense. Some of them will be ridiculous. Some of them you will out right hate. So no matter how much time you spend on social media, how much influence you think you have, how many internet friends you make or how much money you make off of it you don’t ultimately control your content. You don’t own this platform so you can’t get upset about what you’re allowed to do. You want free reign build your own shit; until then shut the fuck up.
5. People that can’t land the plane
Every day I witness people jump into these halfcocked debates without a way to close it out because they haven’t got pass “well I don’t like it so it shouldn’t be a thing”. So I’m bouncing around YouTube this morning and somehow some fucking way I ended up on a video from “The Liberty Hound” titled “You are not oppressed Dave Rubin calmly destroys a crazed hyper-victim”. First off Dave Rubin is a gay sort of stand-up comedian but he is a liberal but really a republican. Yeah; I can’t explain this guy; you’ll just have to Google him. Anyway… this young lady hopped on the mic with all that millennial sass coming at Dave’s neck about the validity of hate speech. In her opening rant she was cooking. Like “Yes, bitch, yes”. Then Dave came back with his rebuttal that wasn’t necessarily brilliant but he asked her to give some examples of her oppression caused via hate speech and how the government could fix it and this bitch said “I have no reason to talk about my own oppression because that’s just like mental energy so unless I’m going to be paid”. From that moment on it all went downhill she was never ready to bring it home. She never fleshed out her own argument. She never got to the bottom of what she feels from hate speech and how that translates into a toxic environment and if it is or isn’t a worthy infringement on freedom of speech. I hate that shit so much.
I probably won’t do this again. Maybe. Possibly. I’m legit angry typing this.
Jean DeGrate has spoken