Yesterday I told you about the women so it’s only right that today I talk about the men. Ya’ll know I’m about balance and shit right? Honestly I think women need this info more than men needed the broke chick info because there is really no upside to dating a broke dude. Off top broke dudes are harder to spot because men are so fucking good at hiding their poverty. Their lies are elaborate and the social media is a complete fucking smoke screen and they do a really good job at making piss poor resemble money. Anyway let’s get into.
1. He’s semi-WOKE
Men that continually speak on the disenfranchisement of black people and “the man” systematically holding them back tend to be broke and bitter (a 2 for 1 bonus; stay woke). He’s full of theories and always down to boycott a company for the cause if it doesn’t extend beyond 2 weeks or inconvenience his life. He has hundreds of YouTube videos to back up his thought process on everything from the Illuminati to the Bilderburg group to the destruction of Bill Cosby. Can’t say any of this is the reason why he doesn’t have money but being poor with idle time and access to YouTube tends to make a person feel like some type of scholar.
2. He’s a carry-out/fast food aficionado
Broke boys always know all the good spots to get bad food. The best steak and cheese egg roll in all the land is located at a Chinese carry-out in the seediest side of town. By now everybody is hip to the Chick Fil A sauce but he’s part of the beta test group for the new sauce they’re dropping in fall and all he can say about it is “it’s fire” due to his NDA. He knows every late night pizza spot and dinner in a 50 mile radius. Pretty much any place he can get a meal for less than $14 he’s up on it and it shows because his fridge is filled with half empty containers.
3. He has a lot of hustles
He’s selling jail broken fire sticks. He has a connect on bootleg cable. He’s a mechanic, a party promoter, a barber, an Ůber driver, a landscaper and still manages to work 40 hours on his day job. This man is definitely broke and when he opens his wallet it sighs ever so slightly.
4. He complains about child support/baby mother
Most dudes aren’t out her like Diddy with a herd of children by several different women and endless money. It’s a lot of regular dudes making regular money and hefty child support payments can turn a regular pay check into minimum wage. If he’s going back to court to get his payments lowered he’s probably broke. If his kid calls him to ask for something and he responds “ask your mother she’s getting child support” he’s probably broke. If he can’t understand what his baby mother is spending his money on he’s probably broke.
5. He gently deflects your date suggestions
You want to go to this wine festival that’s all you can eat and drink but its $80 a ticket and a 2 hour drive away so you’ll probably need to book a room too. He counters with a wine bar downtown. You’ve been dying to hit this new fancy seafood restaurant and you’ve been hinting at it for over a month but he’s never in the mood for seafood. He’s deflecting because he doesn’t want to pay for that shyt and be forced to eat Top Ramen for the next pay period.
6. He has a roommate but lives in a shytty neighborhood
Nobody should be going half on an apartment in the trap. If you need help to still be living in the struggle you should probably have stayed in grandma’s basement. If he’s living this way he has terrible credit, selling drugs or he’s really poor.
7. His car is unreliable
His car has been in the shop 3 times for 3 different reasons this year. He just keeps dumping money into it. Digging up money to do one repair at time because he’s too broke to get it all fixed at once or scrap the car all together and buy something new. When his car in the shop and he’s not even hopping in an Ůber; just sitting in the house on stuck he’s probably wild broke.
8. His clothes are ill fitting or he has loud and ugly designer clothing
He dresses like Tim Duncan in the off season. His jeans are 2 sizes too big causing them to buckle at the waist with his belt. His pants inseams are 4 inches too long. His shirts all fit like he used to be 70lbs heavier and he hasn’t gotten around to shopping since he got skinny. He’s broke. He out in these street with True Religion head to toe with the horseshoe logo on everything and none of that shyt matches? He got it from the outlet sis on clearance. He’s still rocking Giuseppe shoes with the all the gold hardware looking like an African scammer from 2014? He’s broke and copped those on EBay gently used.
9. He's a self proclaimed good dude
A good dude. A good hard working man. If he leads with any of that shit his pockets are tighter than skinny jeans on a fat boy. Him and his 98 Camry are on the way to bigger things; he's just waiting on his moment and needs a good woman in his corner who's trying to build with him and possibly loan 150 until payday.
You might have a broke boy on your hands
Jean DeGrate has spoken