Women Want to Be Equals Right Up Until It’s Time to Be Equals

“Everybody wants to be a nigga but nobody wants to be a nigger” – Paul Mooney.

Besides this being one of my favorite quotes when you swap the N word out with men it pretty much covers the women’s equality movement.

I’m all for women’s rights. I watched every episode of Sex in the City. I’m low key high key a feminist. True women’s equality will make life so much easier for me. I’m waiting for the moment a woman walks up to me at the bar and offers to buy me a drink only for me to consume the beverage then avoid her for the rest of the night like women have been doing to men for years. Just because you bought me a drink doesn’t not mean you own me ladies; I am a person. I am not property.

Unfortunately the women’s equality movement is really halfcocked because the fairer sex isn’t really about that life. I mean women only want the highlights of equality; the equal pay, abortion rights and all that other dope shit. I believe women should have it all but if you’re my equal you’re now a bro and you can’t treat a bro like a lady; them the rules. After all being equals means having the same privileges, rights, status and opportunities as others and if we’re the same get ready to be treated the same.

Woman beating is a dead topic
I don’t hit women. Even though it’s been a few times in my life I had to call on God to give me the strength to not smack a fucking spark out of a vagina owner. Matter of fact I’m about 5 minutes into episode 2 of Netflix’s “Ozark” and it gave me a top notch reason to beat the lead woman’s ass. (Great show by the way: you should be watching this.) The truth is women do things often that if they owned a penis they probably would have been punched in the face a handful of times in their lifetime (and of course some way more than others). Are you ready to get hit with the old one two? Are you ready to smack a man for being disrespectful and see that haymaker coming back your way? Probably not; because that would cause a fundamental revision of attitude and privilege.

Going Dutch FOREVER and splitting these bills
From the first date to the last date when that check comes get ready to fire up that calculator app because it’s going to be some addition and multiplication to be done. I hope you know those pineapple Ciroc and tonics you’ve been tossing back are $12 a pop. This brings a new definition to the term “there’s no such thing a free meal”. Going half or taking EQUAL turns on paying for outings might make Netflix and Chill a whole lot more appealing because your half of a $200 date is still $100. Dinner, movies and drinks on a Saturday night can run about $300 easy so $150 per date night is more realistic. Then we get around to co-habitation the game really gets fair. Looking for a provider, a savior, a sponsor? Looking for a man to be a man? Kiss all that shit goodbye. Welcome to new age of being roommates with benefits and carrying your own weight. When asked what is being bought to the table that answer is half. Half on the rent, half on the groceries, half on the cable, half on utilities and half on everything else going under that roof. Half. Half. Motherfucking half. On the bright side your equal pay should ease those financial woes. Yeah equality.

Chivalry is over
Chivalry is already on life support as far as most women are concern because they expect this old west style of hat tipping “howdy little lady” laying a jacket over a puddle for a woman to step on type of chivalry. The chivalry that does exist is the holding the door, giving up a seat on public transportation, carrying the groceries and the offering a helping hand when you’re stuck on the side of the road with the hood up chivalry. Equality puts an end to all of that. Get your own door, mow your own lawn, pump your own gas and forget all those courtesy extended to you by strangers because you’re of the opposite sex.

Selective service
You know that thing that men have to sign up for within 30 days of turning 18 so we can be eligible to be drafted into war? Failure to register can cost a guy the possibility of government employment, 250k and up to 5 years in prison. Donny Trump is office and making new international enemies every day. There hasn’t been a draft in quite some time but with 7 months of Trump in the driver's seat I’m waiting for on some foreign power to bomb first (with the exclusion of Russia of course). Are you down to be drafted into Trump’s war for equality?

You ain’t really about this equality life
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Issa, Lawrence and Tasha

From 11p last night and probably until Love and Hip Hop LA comes on tonight my timeline will be lit over Insecure. I love to see all my social media folks talking about quality black television programs with great writing. Look at God. Now with that said A LOT of y’all are tripping. Heavy. People are rooting for Issa and slandering my man Lawrence then acting like Tasha is just getting screwed over pun intended.

Issa is a terrible person
Nobody is perfect. We all have I flaws but Issa is real live trash. How? What you mean how? Have we not been watching the same show? Maybe we haven’t so let me catch you up. In the very first episode Issa was about to slide in her long lost old work Daniel’s DMs before Lawrence ruined her birthday. In the very first episode Issa tricked Molly into going to the open mic so she could accidently on purpose bum into Daniel. Then she turned around dropped a freestyle diss track about Molly’s pussy, Barz. Mad shady son. I’m sure you remember her ghosting on Daniel after she game off the cheeks, cheating on Lawrence (which might have been the least shitty thing she’s done) and rolling out on her friend’s birthday getaway to go talk to Lawrence. All that was in just 8 30 minute episodes of season one; she kicked off this season with proceeding to throw a fake party roping all her friends in unknowingly to stunt on Lawrence. Like I said Issa is a terrible person.

Lawrence is Lawrence
Even though I’m part of the Lawrence hive I’ll give this to you Issa hive people he’s jive corny. The show started with him being unemployed, half way chasing his dreams and being a terrible boyfriend. Issa should have dumped him in episode 1, but I guess the show wouldn’t really work then. When Issa fake moved out Lawrence hit a 180; put his dreams on pause, humbled himself, took a job at Best Buy and started competing for the boyfriend of the year award. In combination with his turn around, swerving Tasha’s initial advances and Issa’s infidelity the Lawrence hive was born. Cracking Tasha in the apartment was just a G move. We all loved it (and if you didn't you're spam). Fast forward to season 2 he’s still sleeping at the homies house on an air mattress and still giving Tasha the stroke; oh and gave Issa 30 seconds of work that she was totally here for.

Tasha has to be hip
From the moment Tasha went to the TV section of Best Buy looking for “batteries” she had to know what it was. I mean she was flirting from the teller window and Lawrence wasn’t biting. When she asked him out for drinks in Best Buy with the titties out he told her straight up he had a girl. When it was time for revenge fucking in Issa’s apartment she was down for the cause and only one call away at that. Girlfriend material move? Ehh. This season she’s getting the Friday night thru Sunday afternoon sleep over strokes and she’s here for it. If she isn’t hip she’s playing herself because nobody else is selling her a dream. Lawrence isn’t even taking her out on dates.

Shoutouts to Nichole and Zee because they be knowing

Ok now the record is straight
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The top 5 types of vagina

I’ve been hoeing for the sake of science or at least that’s what I’ve told myself when I’m looking into the bathroom mirror trying to figure out how I got here. Anyway my penis and I have been in these streets collecting data to bring it back to masses. You’re welcome. Via my “Hoe is Life” tour I’ve comprised a list of the top 5 types of vagina hence the title of this blog. If you're particular brand of pussy didn't make the list despite the raving reviews you've gotten over the years; dudes do lie and life should have already taught you that lesson. Let’s get on with it…

1. Daddy issue pussy
Whether her daddy was in the wind during her childhood or their relationship was riddled with conflict and they never saw eye to eye; either way the first man in her life failed her and left a lasting imprint. There’s a void there. A little black spot on her heart and that dark energy goes right into sex.

2. Used to be a fat girl pussy
Naturally fat girls are eager to please. They tend to overcompensate like short guys in big SUV’s. Oh and by “naturally fat” I mean they’ve been fat since childhood. Women that got fat later in life when their metabolism slowed down or having kids ruined their waistline tend not to try as hard and carry a very similar attitude of the on from their slimmer days. Formerly natural fat girls are the best of both worlds containing the eager to please nature wrapped up into a much smaller package. It’s really a beautiful thing.

3. Single mom with multiple kids and multiple baby daddies pussy
Even as I’m typing I’m imagining the backlash from the baby mommas club but I must fulfill my civil duty even in the face of adversity. Women that have collected several children by several men that aren’t around to take care of those said children (3 and up) tend to be the wave in the bed. The abundance of after sex snack, the lack of having a baby sitter making the act of a traditional date almost impossible and the scare that a tight hug might be enough to get her pregnant all add to the thrill. Plus she phucks like that’s her only form of adult interaction. I mean what else can you do at 10:45pm on a school night hoping the kids are really asleep? Mommas gotta have a life to right? If you were ever wondering how a guy meets a girl with 3 kids and gave her a 4th this is how. Gamble at your own risk.

4. Boss bitch (without children) pussy
It’s something about children ownership that turns Oprah into Beyoncé. Trust me if Blue Ivy was never born the second half of Lemonade would have never existed and she’d be probably dating Puffy right now. Now a true boss bitch has no need for a man outside of sex and she makes it known. All that “I need a man for…” bullshit goes right out of the window; home repairs, cutting the grass, a trip to the dealership, killing a spider, etc… Her checkbook handles all of that. So when it comes to sex she’s in control because her vagina is not a trophy or a bargaining chip. She’s not coy even remotely and very much direct. All that awkward waiting and looking for the signal to make a move shyt is dead. She’s going to phck the shyt out you because she owns her sexuality and then she may kick you out.

 
5. Loaner pussy
For clarity purposes loaner pussy is sex from a woman that’s in a relationship with someone else.  Having sex with someone else’s girl is an adventure all on it’s own with tons of excitement during the build up to the act, but women in a relationship will borderline grudge fuck you for at least the first few times around.  Whatever she’s not giving to her man sexually she’s giving to you. It’s a beautiful thing as long as you keep it short and sweet. Once you step into that side dude/boyfriend number 2 role the honeymoon is over pun intended. That’s why it’s loan because if you keep it you’re just sharing it with someone else.

I have 6 thru 20 on deck but it’s not even noteworthy after 10
Jean DeGrate has spoken

3 Essential Sneakers for Men 2017

I know most of y’all don’t want me to talk shoes but I don’t care and because y’all friended me, follow me or cyber stalk me (Hey fellas, currently I’m like 97% sure I’m not sleeping with anyone’s girlfriend so breathe easy) you signed up for this.

I dropped this last year and I guess I’ll keep the trend going. I still don’t have that many male Facebook friends but some of you ladies have boyfriends, husbands, side dudes, sons and brothers right? Of course you do. Well pass this along as need and when it comes to shoe buying you can start here.

Humble but not so humble brag if you’re reading this my shoe game it probably tighter than yours. I’ve downsized and refocused my collection. I still have about 120 pairs of shoes (down for 250ish this time last year) but I’ve filtered out all the one time wear/extra loud colorway/super trendy shoes. This is not the Holy Grail of sneaker education. I’m not even a “sneaker head” so if you’re looking for somebody to give you insight on which Supreme x Nike Uptempo to cop I’m not that guy (but the all black ones are love tho). I’m just a guy with a love of shoes that buys what he likes and doesn’t really follow the trends. Every 3rd person has one of these lists; it’s normally comprised of 5 pairs of shoes and more times than not I feel the list pure garbage. How can anybody really consider any signature shoe from LeBron an essential shoe? To make my list of essential I’m think more of a go-to shoe a shoe that will be great for more for several seasons and work with abundance of different looks. Don’t you hate the “nah, these shoes on look good with joggers” shoe? I do.

1. The luxury sneaker – The Maison Margiela Replica

This shoe is based off of the original German Army Trainer hence the name “Replica”. The style has been done from everyone from of course Hugo Boss right down to SWIMS but Margiela does it the best. The best part about this shoe is it’s always at least 10 colorways on sale. The shoe runs $430 and $1000 but right this exact moment I’m on the actual Maison Margiela site and it’s a pair original for $480 marked down to $240; which is just $20 over the price of a pair of Foamposites at retail.

Honorable mention – and still… The Saint Laurent Paris SL10 High

2. The classic basketball sneaker – The Air Jordan 12

I’m a huge fan of the Air Jordan 1 and it’s always going to be my go to for a the classic basketball sneaker but due to the fact that the best OG colorways are becoming harder to obtain at retail price I can’t lead with it anymore. The Air Jordan 12 has always been a very cool and clean silhouette and due to it’s simplicity there are only a handful of awful colorways. You have to put your best foot forward to get a terrible looking pair of 12’s. They have great collaborations for the hypebeast (OVO, PSNY, etc…) and they still look great in the way less coveted low top option. You can walk into your local shoe store today and pick up a dope pair of 12’s with no fuss.

Honorable mention – Nike Dunk High (pretty much the AJ1 light)

3. The trainer/runner – The Adidas NMD

I have absolutely no idea what NMD stands for I came really close to googling it one day but I instantly got over it. What it stands for doesn’t matter, but what does matter is it has Boost and Boost is life; Boost is everything. Every Adidas shoe of note has Boost i.e. Yeezy’s and the Pure Boost. If you haven’t notice the trend this shoe also comes in a boat load of colorways but unlike the others they have several different versions. You have the OG R1, R2, CS2, CS1 XR1 and XR2 but I’d just stick with the OG R1 and the XR1. These shoes are highly obtainable at retail and below because Adidas seems to drop a new colorway or cook up a new way to do the same thing every 15 minutes. Typing this 3 new pairs of NMD’s have dropped.

Honorable mention – The Yeezy 350 V2 because they’re Yeezy’s

Blogger won't let me great and drop the images.

Google is your friend tho

Jean DeGrate has spoken and shit