Last night, I was standing in front of my building smoking a Black, and I said to myself, "Jean, this dating thing would be a whole lot easier for everybody if folks really just said what they were looking for off top. You know what, Jean? You should blog about that." Yea, I come to these types of random epiphanies on the front stoop; I'm deep like that, sometimes. Or... it could be that 90% of my roster expects way more than me than I'm willing to give, and 90% of the time, it's clear that could have been avoided even before the first date when we watched a bootleg flick and ate carryout. I guess that's another blog... on with this one.
Everybody typically has the same first conversation questions. I don't know why people get nervous for first dates. After a couple of them you should already know how the Q&A session (I mean "date") will pan out. "How many kids do you have?" "Who do you live with?" "What do you do for a living?" "What do you like to do?" and so on so forth, blah blah blah blah blahhhhh. Pretty much, all bullshit because none of it really tackles what you REALLY need to know. So I propose this, before a movie date is set, Cosi salads are eaten, or happy hour shots are drank, you should find out what's really good on that first phone call. Set aside 45 minutes ,and ask...
Question 1: "What are you looking for exactly?"
Everybody is looking for something when talking to a perspective mate. Are you just looking for a shot of ass? There's absolutely nothing wrong with being strictly interested in sex, and we are all adults so there is no need to be coy when you can flat out say, "I just really want to fuck". There's probably a way more tactful way to say that, but, in case you're new to "Jean DeGrate has Spoken" you should know this isn't a blog built around politically correct shit. Other than that, some people might not want anything serious and just want to have a good time with a cool person or have a day-by-day approach. None of that may be your cup of tea if you're looking to settle down or wanting kids and/or even marriage in your not so distant future. This question alone can end a meaningless courtship before any feelings get involved.
Question 2 "Do you have a problem with...? Will it be a deal breaker?"
Everybody has his/her little quirks, pet peeves, serious fucking mental issues, and/or skeletons in closet. Lay that shit out there off top. You're a part-time lesbian. Word? You've got more charges than a stun gun. Oh ok. There's a video of you getting gang banged on World Star Hip Hop, but it's from your wild and crazy college years. Hmmm. Your baby mother is psycho and is prone to pull your toddler out of bed so she can come flatten the tires of whatever woman may be at your house after midnight. Oh, really now. Folks won't normally share these kind of things with you, but I'd much rather get rejected by a stranger than somebody I've been kicking it with, possibly have slept with, or (wait for it) caught feelings for. Plus, nobody wants to wake up to find their new boo crouched in the corner of the bedroom chewing on your underwear. If you're psycho, let a nigga know off top you're a crazy bitch.
Question 3 "How do you expect to be treated?"
Honestly, nobody is going to say, "Treat me like shit; I love to be dogged," but some people have standards and requirements that you might not be down to adhere to. I know damn well if a chick is expecting me to go half on her bills or drop cash for her hair and nails every week, I'm going to tell her to keep it pushing. He might want a chick to cater to him... come over, cook dinner, wash clothes, and clean. You might not be about that life. She might want a guy to send her roses just because and good morning text messages just to let her know he's thinking of her, but you may not have an unlimited text plan, be allergic to flowers, or just not be on your Simp shit.
Asking the hard questions and keeping real ain't hard, but oddly nobody at all is doing this shit.
Jean DeGrate is trying to help you