Wednesday, August 29, 2012

You Can't Be Holding Out On That Vagina If...

In this day and age it's damn near a known fact that hoes be winning. A lot of women haven't converted over into the friendly vagina realm as of yet, but some of you really can't afford to hold out like that. I know I say this often but a lot you women are out here on your way to being cat ladies and holding that pussy in a chokehold isn't bringing you any closer to the man of your dreams. Since I haven't done an "if" list in a while and this is an issue that needs to be spoken on here you go...

You can't be holding out on that pussy if your baby daddy ain't shit
All that waiting to get know somebody better shit is out the door because your judge of character is off as is. "Let me get this right you let this other nigga hit it raw, carried his child to term and he left you on stuck but you telling me to wait 3 months for you to come off the pussy? You seen the waiter? I'm going to need that check NOW."

You can't be holding out on that pussy if you're ugly
Due to the structure of society it's a 1000 times better to be an ugly man than it is to be an ugly woman (i.e. Seal married and had several kids with supermodel Hedi Klum). Being facial challenged means you'll have to move a little faster sexually than the next female if you plan on staying in the game.

You can't be holding out on that pussy if you're naked on the net
You're naked, on the internet. It doesn't matter if it's Instagram bathroom photo shoots or real modeling that you actually received taxable payment for if your nipples have been seen on a computer screen men will expect a certain level of promiscuity. Oh, you not about that life? Well then you should have kept your titties off the internet.

You can't be holding out on that pussy if you're a non-balling stripper
You're making a 1000 a night or better every time you walk up in the club without fucking, sucking or bouncing around on niggas laps. You have clearly won and  you my dear can put that pussy on a pedestal so high that Shaquille O'Neal would have to tippy toe to reach. Now all you other strippers with stretch marks, depressed titties and/or cellulite refer to the paragraph prior then swap out internet for strip club.

You can't be holding out on that pussy if you're in constant need of attention
If you're the type of chick that wants a man to take you out every week then still turn around and stay on his phone to the 1am in the morning or later texting and sending smiley faces and shit; you need to be coming off of some of that pussy. How many times you think a grown man going to be running late for work because he was burning up his free nights and weekend's minutes talking to you all night? Ain't that much great conversation in world, especially if you're within 15 miles of his home.

You can't be holding out on that pussy if you're bi-sexual
In the world of men bi equals freak. The only perk of knowingly a bi chick is for the chance of the 3some. You can't be out in these streets eating pussy and what not then just think a dude is going to be cool with you taking it slow. Shit, he wants to get the fucking out of the way just to work up to that 3some quicker.

You need to stop bullshitting and come up off them cheeks girl
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Friday, August 24, 2012

Just Sit This One Out: Choosing Season 2012

***This will be my last Choosing Season blog until next season of course, but I will be blogging about Cuffing Season when it begins though. Oh, yeah my brothers and I are launching The Power Circle blog on September 4th stay tuned for that; the shit will be epic.***

See choosing season is like training for a sporting event but if you aren't in shape to compete you're setting yourself up to fail. It's a lot of people out here that aren't ready for choosing season mainly because they have other issues to conquer. Here's my list of few things that should have you sitting out this season and maybe return to the game next season (if your shit is in order).

If you're damaged
Your last mate left you if a world of hurt. You're still bitter and you haven't healed yet. Man, fuck what your homies are telling you. Don't let them push you back into the game and you're still in your feelings about how James/Sheila did you. The last thing somebody out here doing the choosing and/or looking to get chose wants is somebody that's still stuck on that last person that held the position before them. Spend this season listening to sad love songs and eating TV dinners but don't fuck up somebody else's season with your last season's woes.

If you're celibate with kids
Obviously you've been fucking or you're Michael Jackson, but until you get back to fucking stay out of the game. Waiting for marriage? That shit doesn't count if your kid came out of wedlock. Just remember nobody buys a used car without test driving it first.

If you apply your makeup with a butter knife
I'm a grown man so I wear real clothes like 70% of the time. The only thing that has a meaner downside than a chick giving you that warm "you can get this pussy" embrace then leaving half her face on your shirt is after you bust a nut then pull out to find the condom has turned into a drop-top. All that heavy witness protection level makeup is better off with the chicks working the Mac counter at Macy's and transvestites. Until you get your shitty skin under control (ProActiv) or learn how to use that shit in moderation sit this season out.

If you're struggling
Only the top 1% of the country and the good people on Twitter are balling out of control. Nobody expects you to be Warren Buffet but they do expect you have a little bit of change in your pockets. So fellas if you have to balance your check book two weeks in advance for a movie date maybe this isn't the season for you. And ladies if any of your bills come in colored envelopes you should be watching from the bench too. Nobody wants to inherit your struggles. Shit, broke people don't even want to date broke why the fuck would somebody sitting on some doe want you?

If you expect people to understand your "situation"
We all have setbacks and awkward situations that maybe off setting to potential Him's and Her's. Your car was totaled last month and you're in between vehicles right now. Your sister fell upon hard times so she and her 3 kids are staying with you in your two bedroom apartment until she gets back on her feet. Or whatever your issue might be nobody has to accept that. Believe it or not no matter how great of a person you may deem yourself to be and how worthy of love you think yourself to be; there is somebody out there your equal or greater without those special "situations".

Getting benched this year may just make you a stronger pick next year
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Unfortunate Truths Part IV

***Oh, yeah my brothers and I are launching The Power Circle blog on September 4th stay tuned for that the shit will be epic.***

I'm back with the 4th installment of unfortunate truths by now you should know how the spiel goes so on with the blog

You're not royalty (Unless of course you are royalty)
I know as a kid I was sold the dream during black history month that we were all descendants of kings and queens in Africa. Yep, according to my 2nd grade teacher we were all living high on the hog running shit in the motherland until the white man came along rounded us up and tossed on a boat to America to be slaves. (Damn white man why you do us like that? Oh, yeah free labor; silly me.) But in actuality it was more like for every King and Queen there was like 100 royal penis cleaners. Most of us are descendants of royal penis cleaners or some other random subjects under the crown but we ain't kings, queens, dukes, lords, counts or earls. Now that we got the history out of the way let's bring it to the present day. Kings have KINGDOMS; that includes the land they rule and subjects. While you're reading this during your break on your smart phone or pretending to work in your cubicle flipping back and forth between screens none of this is very royal acting of you. What are you the king of? Not the apartment that you rent or the home you are still paying the mortgage on. Stop crowning yourselves.

The parent of your child ain't shit and that's kind of your fault
The truth is you DID NOT investigate the character of this person enough to have unprotected sex with them. People often require others to provide more proof of responsibility and quality of life before they let them borrow their car over fucking sans condom. You let them hit it raw and now they're acting rachet, being an absentee parent, and fucking up your money; well that's your bad. Go ahead, own up to it then get over it.

You know better but you don't do better
People know right from wrong but people are still cheating on their spouse, taxes and words with friends. We as people regularly know the right path to take but we indulge in all types of foolishness. We spend money we should be saving, we eat more food than we need and the tobacco industry would be out of business because on the wrapper it's says this shit is all bad but we ignore it. So if you think your mistakes or the next person mistakes are because they didn't know any better than you may be the only one that truly doesn't know any better.

That's right you won't do be doing better
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Tuesday, August 21, 2012

Fellas Prepping For Choosing Season 2012

Yesterday I rode around without turning on the AC in the whip and today I feel like I should have left the house with a jacket; all that only amounts to one thing... Choosing season is around the corner nigga. Those roof top day parties, cookouts and sundress filled happy hours are going to dry up faster than Ochocinco's career options after head butting that bitch from Basketball Wives. With choosing season being just around the corner it's time to get down to brass tax (I've always wanted to work that into a blog; yeah me and shit).

Since choosing season can prove to be a tad bit on the expensive side; we men should definitely streamline our focus on women we'd like to see in more places than happy hour and our bedroom. Cutting back on the thirsty DM's to bitches on Twitter who are half naked in their avi's and set daily thirst traps. Nah B, we can't afford to get caught up chasing pussy that we wouldn't even want to spend the night at the crib. You got to focus on the big 3 questions before you even set up that first date.

Is she cool enough to make it to the spring?
Once you get passed the roundness of her ass, the cuteness of her face and the perkiness of her titties it's a person there. A real person with dreams, fears, aspirations, insecurities, morals, ideals and a shit load of issues. Before you spend a dime you need to get the best possible reading on those issues. You need to vet this woman like you're thinking about asking her to be your running mate in the upcoming election. Google her, look at every single picture she has been tagged in on FB and read the last 2 weeks of her tweets. Nothing could be worst than wasting money, time and effort courting a chick all choosing season only to cut her loose in the first week if cuffing season because you can't stand the bitch.

Do you want to bring this chick to Thanksgiving?
Sometimes a chick is just good enough for you. You over look some of her less than charming ways because she a blast to hang out with and ya'll are just having fun. And all that is great but how are you going to explain her to grandma and them? The first major event of cuffing season is Thanksgiving and not making a well perceived first impression on the family can ruin your season before the first snow. You know it's all smiles and "I'm so happy to meet you"'s until that car ride home and she turns down the radio then turns to you and ask "Your momma don't like me, do she?" Will she pass the family test? Do you have a believable reason not to bring her?

Can you possibly be snowed in with this woman?
Whoever you take into cuffing season will definitely be your secure source of action for that wintry weather that brings major cities to a halt and local governments to a close. Being snowed in sounds great until the cable and internet goes out and you've already watched "Money Talks" 5 times. You might not even know it but the slightest wrong move (like that "good morning" tweet to your work boo) and shit will get realer then it's ever been. In the span of 2 days cuddling, fucking and watching comedies on Netflix can turn into full fledge hate when you realized you're stuck in the house and can't get 20 minutes to yourself.  Can you be stuck in the same house for 48 hours plus with this woman with out going bath salts crazy on one another?

Happy choosing season
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Monday, August 20, 2012

Ladies Prepping For Choosing Season 2012

Did you go un-chosen last season?

Are still clinging to that "single by choice" line?

Do you often get cut before the 2nd or 3rd date?

First off there is no such thing as "single by choice"
If you think for one moment that if the man of your dreams was interested in you and you'd pass him up because you're "single by choice" stop reading this blog right now. Nothing that I'm about to write will amuse or help you in any form nor fashion. Now for the women that are left... being "single by choice" is much more like being hungry in the food court but not interested in anything being offered. So in turn you're not single by choice; you're single by having no desirable options and that's totally different. Is everybody clear on that logic? Good.

Look how you wanted to be treated
If you're out in these streets with your titties all out and your shorts let the bottom half of you ass hang out niggas are going to act accordingly. That rule also applies for half-naked (or completely naked) bathroom photo shoots plastered on the internet. If you look like a hoe he's going to come at you like hoe. If you're dressed like a lady he still might try to play you like a hoe but when you check him on that shit he won't look at you with the "bitch please" face.

Knowing your worth
We live in a day and time where self-confidence is at an all time high. E-Simping, ego boosting girlfriends and unwarranted "likes" on Instagram/FaceBook pictures has 3's feeling like 5's and 5' feeling like 10's. COMPLIMENTS FROM PEOPLE YOU WOULD NOT FUCK DO NOT COUNT. Wrap your head around that concept. The 56 year old Nigerian custodian with the lisp in your office that calls you beautiful when he comes to empty the trash at your desk doesn't count. Your kids, mom and dad calling you pretty also doesn't count. The dudes hollering out of car windows yelling obscenities like "DAMN you phat as shit shorty!" doesn't count either unless of course you plan on giving them the time of day. If the last 3 dudes you seriously dated are average Joe's that feed you carry-out and watched bootleg Tyler Perry movies with you... then you are an average's Joe dating ass broad. That's your lane; know it and get comfortable with it. When your girlfriend says her man is so great and does this that and the 3rd; don't wonder why you never run across those guys, the answer is this... those guys don't want your ass boo boo.

What you think is marketable might not really be that marketable
Having a car is a plus if he doesn't drive. Having your own place is a plus if you don't have rug rats running around and/or you don't live in a neighborhood that your male suitor may get robbed, shot or car jacked if he visits after the sun goes down. To be perfectly honest it's hard to create an intimate setting with kids yelling "Mommy" repeatedly in the background and the strong urge to look out the window every 15 minutes to see if the rims are still on your car. Having a great job is just about equal to having a job that simply keeps the lights on and stops you from asking for handouts. Unless you're showering men in gifts and/or paying for dates how does he really benefit from your good job? Shit like having your own hair/natural hair, own nails, designer handbags clothes and shoes will always mean far more to you than it does to him.

What is marketable
Men are going to approach you on what they find attractive. So once a man you actually think is worthy of exchanging phone numbers with and getting to know better comes along you need to have your mind right not to scare that man away. The ability to shut the fuck up, the ability to not have the last word every motherfucking time, and having realistic standards are priceless assets. Six page text messages are a no go especially pre-third date. You're having a meaningless debate about how people should just tweet instead of using tweet-grams; just remember you don't have to have the last word because the winner of this debate won't go on rule the free world. If your new potential Him is 5'9, shares an apartment with his brother, went to trade school and is an electrician; don't say your dream man 6'3, with a master's degree, that goes to work in a suit everyday and lives in a townhouse in the city. He doesn't want to hear that shit and obviously that's not the type of dude you can catch because you're talking to him.

Re-read this blog as needed and happy choosing season
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Thursday, August 2, 2012

Why I Will Never Hire Black People...  

...and by Black People I Really Mean Niggers
I’ve spent the last 14 years working in a somewhat business professional environment (it can never be all the way professional when niggers are involved). The things I’ve seen niggers do and say on the job makes me really wonder if affirmative action should have some sort of nigger clause. These niggers are really fucking it up for black people.
Niggers always want extra credit for shit they’re suppose to do
“I’m always on time for work”, “I don’t ever call out sick” and my personal favorite “My work is always done on time”. For some strange reason niggas think doing the things they were hired to do is doing a good job. I guess what nigga? It’s not; doing what is required of you is simply doing your job doing a good job starts when you go above and beyond your job functions. Niggas ain’t really about that going above and beyond life though.
Niggers love to say what they’re not going to do
Niggas love saying what they not about to do almost as much as they like getting paid (and we all know how much niggas love getting paid). Problems at home  “Lil Donnie about the fail the 10th grade I ain’t hardly come in here to be doing this work shit they need to just let me be”. Short of staff “Hold up, Suzie ain’t here, Darnell ain’t here either and April leaving early they better not come over here talking that “cover this cover that" shit they ain’t paying me double ain’t no fucking way I’m doing double the work”. Friday/day before the holiday/day after vacation “They lucky I even showed up today I’m not even in the mood to be working”. Niggas will take anything into consideration to do less work than required.
Niggers love to congregate for non-work related reasons
Love and Hip comes on Monday night so you can expect to have the niggas clustered up for a good 15 to 20 minutes to recap the highlights from the show; on company time of course. Lucy from HR might be pregnant by Dave from the mailroom; niggas going to congregate to overlook the facts. Michael got fired for stealing school supplies for his kids; niggas going to congregate to complain about how petty the bosses are for firing him “They know they ain’t gonna miss no fucking pens dawg”. Niggas can’t even smoke alone if a nigga can’t find a smoking buddy they’ll drag a non-smoker along to suck up some of their second hand smoke and shoot the breeze with. Pay attention at the next fire drill watch how fast niggas group together. I swear some people in my office spend 50% of their day chilling at other people’s offices and cubicles.
Niggers love to bring their side hustle to the day job
I'm not talking about this selling candy for Jr bullshit. I'm talking totally seperate income streams. I got a jewelry lady, a candy lady and a nigga renting moon bounces and shit on my floor. Two floors down its a nigga that will detail your car in the parking lot for 50 bucks and will do it with no shame. In the winter time a few niggas even pop up with North Face jackets for sale.

Ya’ll gonna have to call the NAACP on me, I ain’t fucking with them niggers
Jean DeGrate has spoken