Friday, January 15, 2016

5 Rules I live by in my 35 years on earth

My 36th birthday is literally days away; yep I’m washed and I’ve acquired little bit knowledge through the years that has aided me in creating these rules so I’ve decided to share some of them with you good folks. (It’s only 5 mainly because I plan on writing this blog in 10 minutes and I fully intended on writing this last week but shit happens.)

Anyway on with the blog…

Rule 1 - Condom sex

I’m old now and I can’t deal with all this bullshit concerning with the opposite sex so I created the Condom Sex Rule; it’s simple and it has everything to do with condoms but at the same time nothing at all. Any girl that I would consider having sex with I ask myself would “my life flash before my eyes if the condom broke?” “Would I jump off a cliff if she said “I’m pregnant and I’m keeping it””? If the answer is yes to either of these questions I don’t fuck her.

Rule 2 - Stop waiting on Karma

I’m not saying that Karma doesn’t exist but I personally don’t put any stock into it. Don’t waiting around for the universe to right wrongs or seek out revenge on your behalf. It’s a waste of time and waste of energy; just go on living your life.

Rule 3 – Being fake

It’s a lot of important parts to being an adult nobody is telling us as children and not that “why didn’t they teach us how to balance a check book or file our taxes in high school” bullshit, but nothing more important than being fake. Honesty is the best policy almost none of the time and speaking your mind is often a terrible idea even more so these days with social media being the beast that it is. If your brand of honesty is anything less than politically correct then you may need to be fake in all professional settings and some personal settings. Laugh at your bosses bad jokes pretend to be interested in your co-workers stories about their family vacations, “like” pictures on IG even if you don’t really like them and your professional and personal relationships will work much smoother.

Rule 4 - If she says she doesn’t do something but does it for you just roll with it

Seriously just roll with it no matter how minuet or common it might be. If she says doesn’t normally have guys over but you’ve been Netflix and chilling on the regular at her condo don’t say “oh girls always have me over” and fuck it up for yourself. As soon as you open your mouth to let her know it’s not a big deal get ready for big time attitude and immediate suspension of privileges.  Just as much as girls like to feel special they like to think they are doing some special shit for you even if it’s some mundane bullshit.

Rule 5 - Not being “that parent”

I have a kid. Surprise; a person used to live in my balls and now she’s 8 walking around playing Mind Craft on her cell phone and calling me daddy. Somehow someway I managed not to become “that parent”. The “you don’t understand because you don’t have kids” parent, the “I live my life for my kids because my life was pointless before them” parent or the “I can’t have and/or maintain healthy relationships because of my kids” parent. Kids are an addition to your life that results in changes and we all understand that even those without kids. When you start blaming your kids for every missed event, date and boy’s/girl’s night out you’re that parent.

These are my rules
Jean DeGrate has spoken