Why Women Can be Whores and Men Not So Much

That title is probably wild triggering.

Stick with me for a minute or two and I’ll bring it back around.

I said this before, several times before and I’ll probably continue you to say it as long as there is air in my lungs and my fingers still work. Anyway. Being a hoe is a numbers game. It doesn’t matter what the sex or sexually orientation is. You do a lot of numbers and voila you’re a hoe. However I’ve failed to get this ideology to catch on and I know why. I know exactly MOTHERFUCKING why.

Ok less get the simple shit out of the way first…

A high male body count is almost a badge of honor. A man that has managed to give dick to a high quantity of women is considered a stud and somewhat rightfully so. Attempting to give away dick (including lesbians slanging rubber dick) is taxing and often fruitless; so anyone that has a high success rate is often viewed as winner amongst their peers. Which leads us to…

Dick is free.

Anything that is free cannot be further devalued by giving it out in excess. “I had to earn this dick” – No Woman Ever. Almost any woman can walk into a random happy hour tonight and take a man home (ok I’m lying; men don’t need to go home; the backseat of a car parked on a dimly lit street would work just fine). No contest. He’ll probably buy her a few drinks for her troubles. It’s almost an absolute fact that 79% of guys in a woman’s DM’s are indirectly offering dick and the other 20% are offering it directly. The other 1% is there for purely platonic reasons. As a matter of fact dick typically comes with a benefit package; dinner, drinks, movies, hair done, nails done, maybe a bill paid or two. Any person putting that much effort forward to give something away it’s kind of hard to label them a hoe. Well at least by society’s standards. Top it off with all of this one-sided head these guys are coming off in hopes of giving up some free dick.

Pussy is very much not free.

Pussy is earned. Pussy is bought and bartered for. With the exception of stars and professional athletes it’s some work and funds going into attempting to secure some pussy. And I say attempting because no matter how much leg work you put in there is still no guarantee. It’s some guys with 4 $200 dates, 26 “Good morning beautiful” text messages, 9 church hugs and 3 cheek pecks sitting in the friend zone.

And since pussy has an assumed value it demands all type of shit in return

One of my favorite sayings of the fairer sex is “I can do bad all by myself” which is womanese for “no broke boys need apply”. Women just are and men are a sum of the services they can provide. Getting pussy can instantly put you in debt. You owe favors; you owe assistance and you will be expected to pay. If she’s moving this weekend you’re helping. If she catches a flat coming home from happy hour you need to be pulling up with your tire changing attire on. If she needs $40 spending money for kid’s field trip to Six Flags tomorrow but she doesn’t have any cash on her it’s coming out of your pocket to never return. The more pussy that is doled out typically means greater returns. Women are fucking for weed. Women are fucking for free bottles in the club. Women are fucking for Fashion Nova wardrobes. Women are fucking for fancy shoes. Women are fucking for designer purses. Women are fucking for rent and mortgage payments. Women are fucking for cars. Women are fucking for all types of shyt. The general consensus is as follows if she’s fucking she should be getting compensated in some form or fashion.

So in a nutshell…

A guy that’s 25 living with his parents and working at Walmart with 200 bodies = legend

A girl that’s 25 living with her parents and working at Walmart with 200 bodies = A stupid broke hoe

A guy that’s 25 living lavishly and balling with 200 bodies = Still a legend

A girl that’s 25 living off her dudes in the lap of luxury with 200 bodies = Still a hoe but she paid tho

Men can fuck around and women can’t without some shame associated with it because society and shit
Jean DeGrate has spoken

She wants your man but he just wants to borrow your girl

I just finished watching the Chris Rock Netflix special. Man I swear they are giving everybody a check except Mo'nique. I mean Chris Rock is Chris Fucking Rock but they gave Katt Williams one and his last hit of anything of importance was a viral video of him getting choked out by an 8th grader... so yeah. Anyway. Chris was talking about how women will want your man; which is true because women play for keeps and shit. Men will only borrow your girl they don't really want her. Fuck all that Rick Springfield shit. Nobody actually wants Jesse's girl but Jesse. This is also true. It's a few times I thought I wanted another man's girl but a wise man once said popcorn always smells better than it taste. Hot buttered popcorn smells like heaven but the taste leaves a bit to be desired. Now I want some popcorn and I don't even eat popcorn. We're getting off topic. Let’s back to it.

A woman will take your whole ass man
If she wants your man she’ll put in the man hours and work her way up the circuit. She’ll do a few months in a side chick apprenticeship program while studying her competition. Consistently over stepping her boundaries; sabotage his existing relationship and get his main girl all the way up the fuck up out of there. Women don’t mind taking your gently used man off your hands and laying directly in your warm spot in the same bed. These bytches are savages but enough about that.

On to the men…

I once thought I wanted Jesse’s girl right up until I fucked Jesse’s girl. I mean she was the best type of girl. She was holding shit down for the homie. Around the 3rd stroke all that shit went up in smoke. She went from the best girl ever to UNFAITHFUL BITCH at the speed of light. I mean I still finished. I don’t want anybody to think I pulled out on some “Oh my God I can’t do this” type shit. She was dumb phat; my apartment could have caught on fire and I probably still would have finished. What I learned on that night 95% of men already inherently knew and nobody fucking told me. Which leads me to bullet point number 1…

Men know we can’t make your girl loyal to us
Ok off top… Men don’t have those delusions of grandeur. There will be no BBD “I thought it was me” moments when it comes to infidelity. Any man with halfway decent sense would never be in Kevin Hart’s wife (Eniko’s) situation. If she cheated on buddy with him it’s no way on earth he’s going to have confidence in being the exception to the rule. He’s not going to believe that he was that swagged up or that cool to make her give up on her morals  and give him some pussy. Nope. Women are way cockier in that arena because her vagina is life altering, mind altering, and earth shatteringly exceptional. I mean if his girl was that great why the fuck is he on her line anyway?

Men barely want the women they have
Remember how much Al Bundy hated Peggy Bundy? If you were after 1995 that reference means absolutely nothing to you. Just run your young ass off to Google right fast and double back. Men are constantly holding back a thin layer of disdain for the women in our lives. We love you but we also don’t like you and we just bite our lips a press on. The more you’re around a person the less appealing they naturally become regardless of sex but women have mastered the art of being annoying as shit for no good reason. Some women even pride themselves on their ability to be annoying. True story.

Men don’t want your girl
Another’s man girl is like a weekend rental car. It’s fun. You can drive it like a mad man with reckless abandon then return it Sunday night and never look back. It’s no maintenance or upkeep. The boyfriend is dealing with all her attitude, listening to all her silly stories and tending to her day to day needs (and girlfriend be needing shit).  No Christmas, no birthdays and no Valentine’s Day; because that all falls under the boyfriend doctrine of 1953. When you borrow another man’s girl you’re essentially getting the highlight reel version of her while he’ll be getting the MCM praise on IG because he ran to Target to pick up tampons and plays step daddy to her bad ass kids.

Women are down to take her spot and men just want to breeze thru
Jean DeGrate has spoken

7 Shows I’d Rather See a Reboot of Instead of Martin

Now let me say this first... if you didn't already know I'm a TV snob. I've been putting people on to dope TV since cable boxes had an A and B side. I legitimately wasted my 20's out in the clubs and chasing women when I could have been at home watching TV. You see where I'm coming from? Cool.

I’ve never been a super fan of Martin, but I chalked it up the fact that this show started when I was 12 years old and maybe the humor was too advance for my young mind to grasp.  Lucky for me Martin reruns went into super syndication in my 20’s and I was given the chance to see every single fucking episode at least 11 times during the course of the last 15 years.  Yep… Still not a great show; Martin isn’t in my top 5 shows starring a stand up comedian, featuring a black couple living in Detroit during the 90’s on network television.  You can call me a hater and I know my opinion on this is hugely unpopular, but the people that think Martin is the greatest show ever are the same people that think Power is a better show than The Wire. Anyway… on with the list.

1. Married with Children
Married with Children was an all-around great show. Sure 98% of Al Bundy’s antics wouldn’t fly in today’s super politically correct world but I’d love to see it retool for this era of social media. Bring back the Bundy’s. Kelly Bundy om Snapchat would be extra lit.

2. The Jamie Foxx Show
Of course not the Jamie Foxx Show as in starring Jamie Foxx but a sitcom set in a black owned hotel would be lit. Plus the Jamie Foxx is and was WAAAAAAAAAY funnier than Martin.

3. The Steve Harvey Show
I can’t stand Steve Harvey. I didn’t even like him when the show was on the air but the supporting cast was dope and the premise was great. I hated everything about Harvey though. His mustache, suits and that dumb ass hi-top fade. With all that said, I will totally take a washed up pseudo celebrity singer turned high school music teacher.

4. Girlfriends
Tracee Ellis Ross and company were ahead of their time with a sitcom focused on single professional women not named Sex in the City. I mean they squeezed 6 seasons, 94 episodes and 2 feature length movies out of Carrie Bradshaw on HBO (it’s only 67 episodes of Game of Thrones.)  Reboot Girlfriends on a network with a budget to hire actually writers and a half way decent cast and it would be golden (pun intended). Side-note: Sex in the City aged terribly. Makes you want to throw something at your TV it’s so bad in retrospect.

5. The Chappelle Show
Because it’s the phcking Chappelle Show and we need Dave Chappelle on TV way more than we ever needed Martin calling Pam beady bead or fighting giant rats on vacation.

6. Smallville
Way before Gotham was popping on Fox; Smallville was killing it on the CW. They are slanging superhero shows like fliers after the club. It’s like 10 of them on primetime network TV so why not bring back young Clark Kent?

7. The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
First off who doesn’t love a sudden “rags to riches” story? Terrorists; that’s who.  Are you a terrorist? Oh ok then. The Fresh was such a great show that they swapped out dark skin Aunt Viv and we ain’t even care. You think they could have swapped out Gina’s apple headed ass without major backlash?  No, they couldn’t; because if they could they would have swapped her out instead of filming with her or Martin offset. Ok aside from that Jeffery’s shade was legendary. Imagine the hype beast fashion they stick the rebooted Will in. Supreme, Yeezy, Balmain, Gucci, Moncler, Off-White? It would be crazy. Not to mention the Carlton dance is forever a classic and permanent staple in urban culture. Unfortunately the perfect guy to play Uncle Phil 2.0 is Anthony Anderson and he’s already on a dope show.

Somebody get Leslie Moonves on the phone
JD got some show rebooting ideas.