First and foremost kids are terrible people. You can quote me on that. You can put it on my tombstone.
I almost have a PhD in dating women who either co-parent or are single parents; no they are not the same thing they are very different and just because you own a fuck trophy sans a relationship does not make you a single parent. Seriously though, I’m 4 baby mamas and 10 credit hours away from my doctorate; Dr. DeGrate has a good ring to it.
Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama
The most common misconception about dating people with kids especially in the urban community is the ever dreaded “Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama” and it exist but not at the level people assume. (I’m not basing this on my personal experience as an owner of 9 year old girl I have nor have I ever had any Baby Mama Drama.) When the other parent drama does rear its ugly head it’s normally in the “Don’t have nobody around my kids”/”We can work this out” variety and normally has little to no follow through. Now the urban legends when the child’s parent is scaling the wall to the third story balcony peeking through the sliding glass doors to see what’s going on in there actually exist. Typically it’s some warning signs before things go all off the rail like that though. Real talk other parent drama only occurs in certain conditions usually…
1. People under 30 that keep fucking after the relationship ended
2. People with kids 3 and under
3. People with newly ended relationships (6 months or less) where the couple was cohabitating
You got all that? Cool. Just keep your head on swivel and ask the right question and you’ll be able to avoid any Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama.
Now on to the shit that really matters…
Are they in a position to do adult things?
Some people don’t have a support system or the funds that allows them to gallivant in these streets on a regular basis; especially single parents. It takes an act of God and the planets aligning on a full moon for her to line up a baby sitter to do anything other than “Netflix and Chill” after 10pm when the kids are in bed. His child support payments are so high that a night out on the town will have him on a Lunchables and Top Ramen diet for the next two pay periods. Child ownership can get in the way of a relationship before the relationship even beings. When dating a parent sometimes you have to be their time standing on call to steal moments here and there. Are you about that life?
Do you like the kid?
As previously stated children are terrible people. This is especially true when the kids don’t belong to you. For instance my kid is awesome and I don’t know your kid but it’s probably trash. Ok, all jokes aside kids can be annoying, whinny, bad, stupid, overtly playful, mean and slew of other character flaws that may be a deal breaker. In order for this thing to have legs and go somewhere (other than randomly hooking up after drunken happy hours) you WILL have to deal with this child on some level. If you secretly fantasize about tying the child to a chair and locking them in the bathroom this is definitely not the person for you. After all you can’t say “Hey your child is a horrid human being but you’re dope as fuck we need to find a way around him.” It’s usually frowned upon to tell someone that you don’t like their kid. The person you’re dating is going to act like fruit of their loins is the best thing to happen since slice bread. (I don’t even know why that’s a saying but the pre pre-sliced bread era must have really been fucking abysmal.) This brings us to our next bullet point…
Do you like the person they become around the kid?
Some people instantly switch up around their kids. Drastically. You could be dating James St Patrick from Power and the moment he’s in the presence of his children he turns into Big Bird from Sesame Street. You could be dating the sweetest girl ever but she talks to her kids like she’s a drug lord and they owe her money. It gets really awkward when you’re sitting on the couch and she throws a dinner plate like Frisbee at the head of her son while yelling “You bitch ass nigga”. Trust me; that shit happens. Some people are push overs for their kids some people are bullies to their kids on some Antione Fisher shit. Of course these are extreme examples and not the norm but people do become a different variation of themselves and that person is an individual you may not be a fan of.
Does the kid like you?
That kid might not like you. That kid might not ever warm up to you. You may forever hear “You ain’t my daddy/mommy” for requesting simple shit like asking the kid to turn the TV down a little. You might not ever be able to bribe your way into this child’s good graces. You might not ever be able to prove that your intentions are genuine towards them. You might have to abandon ship because it’s incredibly difficult to co-exist in the same space with a person that despises you when they are the apple of their parent’s eye.
Baby mama drama is the least of your worries
Jean DeGrate has spoken