You’re Catfish and You Don’t Even Know It.

A few of my homies had some words for me after writing the “4 April Fool’s Jokes Women Play Year Round”. I posted the blog Sunday evening and I’ve had the SAME conversation 9 times and it’s only Tuesday afternoon. Jesus. I’m often pretty clear and most women get me. I mean after all, I speak fluent Womanese and I studied for years with Diana Prince and the Amazonians on the isle of Themyscira. Yeah, I just geeked out for a second there but let’s push pass that. Oh, I didn’t mention the part of the blog that caused the uproar so here it is… 

“A real woman on the other hand is bit harder to define because somehow weaves, body shapers, cosmetic surgery and whatever other upgrades they have out now doesn’t diminish the realness of a woman. Being a real woman is more of a state of mind over something you can actually touch and feel. From Jill Scott all the way to the girl that got a boob job because she “loves” herself not for attention from men in passing. Insert several 100 emojis here.”  

I touched a sore spot with those 83 words and it’s not like making a stinging statement is unfamiliar territory to me but this time it was inadvertent. Whoops. See here’s the kicker; most women don’t even see the things they do as deceptive. It’s more like putting their best foot forward. Women want to feel sexy. Women want to look better in their clothes. Women want to be wanted especially on social media and these nights out on the town. Unfortunately, putting in this extra effort toward the goal of making a favorable impression includes a few (or several) add-ons. Funny thing about this is somehow someway this is the fault of men and they are doing all this for the satisfaction of men with is absolutely not the fucking truth. They do all they do because it’s believed it’s what men want. A phat ass has always been in high demand in the black community or for as far back as I can remember...but it wasn’t until J. Lo went pop along with them cheeks that the rest of the world started embracing phat asses. Fast forward 18 years (and 8 studio albums) later and here we are in the land of body shapers under bodycon dresses and 5’s pretending to be 10’s.  

And by cheating you’re fucking up the game and once again you don’t even know it. 

Most of you are too young to remember the Cherry scene from “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka” but YouTube is your friend. Basically,  Keenan Ivory Wayans took this girl home and she took her entire body off; wig, leg, breast, just all that shit.  

Unintentional catfishing is the leading cause of ghosting. Ok, it might not really be the leading cause because niggas still ain’t shit..but unintentional catfishing still plays a huge part of guy hitting that eject button post cheeks. By the way, ghosting is the act of ceasing all communication and contact with current partner/mate/fuck buddy/or whatever without any warning or justification. And here’s how it goes… 

You meet a guy whilst you’re out on the town and you’re all done up. Hair laid, face beat to the God’s, waist trainer on so tight if you stare at food you’ll crack a rib. You post the pre-outing selfie on the Gram, then your homies’ comments are an assortment of heart eyed emojis and “Yassss bitch, slay!”. You look so good you might Women Crush Wednesday yourself. That isn’t you though. Sorry it’s not and the unsuspecting guy you meet and exchange info with doesn’t know that’s not you either. The girl that you’re pretending to be is who he’s checking for. That’s the girl he’s trying to win over by pulling out all the stops and date 1 thru however many it takes to get to Netflix and chill is who keeps showing up. Then one day he wakes up next to the real you. The real you isn’t who he has been dating and that’s not what he signed up for...then he goes ghost. Pretty superficial isn’t it. Or is it? After all you laid the trap.   

The game is now lopsided.  

We all have a role to plan in life; a lane we’re supposed to stay in because it’s just the natural order of things but you women have been shaking that shit up. All you 4, 5 and 6’s have been jumping up to 7, 8 and 9’s either by camouflage or by scalpel. It’s like half of women who didn’t meet the criteria to be in VIP leveled up and now VIP is overflowing with women but no guys leveled up to balance it out. All the original fine women are still there and same guys that are 7, 8, 9 and 10’s (via the combination or physical attributes, money and social status) are still there as well. These top tier guys now have the pick of the litter because there’s a greater degree of competition. Meanwhile, the guys that were 4, 5, and 6’s before the women in their perspective lanes leveled up are still their vying for the affections of the women left in that arena. So while the basic chicks are getting rings, houses and dream weddings you’re on your 4th serious boyfriend in the last 3 years. Congratulations!

You’re catfish and now you know it
Jean DeGrate has spoken