He Just Might Not See the “Value” in You that You See in You

There are two things that I’ve said on several occasions…

1.     Dating is a selfish sport on both sides of the table
2.     You’re not as dope as you think you are

But let me elaborate…

Both of these things directly coincide. Think of your vacant boyfriend position as an actually employment opportunity and the dates are like job interviews leading up to filling the position. If a qualified candidate doesn’t apply the position should remain unfilled; in other terms don’t settle (be selfish). And on the flipside, just like in real life chances are you aren’t the only establishment he has applied for and people applying for multiple jobs are prone to take the 1 best suited. Unfortunately the best job might not be you (refer to number 2 stated above).

Anyway a few weeks back me and the homie were chopping it up because she’s getting back into the dating after about a year of sitting on the bench (and by the bench I mean her vagina is sitting on the top shelf in the back of the linen closet).  She had a handful of dates with a couple dudes. One guy was lame and she immediately released him back into the wild. The other guy was that dude. You know the guys that check all the boxes: cool, charming, good money, own home, career, car, full beard, 6’2, hairline still intact, no kids and all the other bells and whistles. And of course she was highly interested in the second guy. Why wouldn’t she be? Clearly he’s a catch. This solidly brings me to my second bullet point… (But I will be doubling back here)

You’re not as dope as you think you are

Half of the things you fancy about yourself probably don’t mean much of anything to potential suitors.  All your dreams and aspirations are dope and all but that doesn’t have much to do with who you are right fucking now. Until you become a millionaire from selling diet teas on Instagram, or whatever your mission to get that second comma in your bank account is, you’re still a mother of 2 working as a receptionist in a lawyer’s office. You might be a great mom but that’s only a benefit to your kids (and the niggas that going to eat their snacks). Cooking and cleaning is no longer woman’s work but the work of a functioning adult, so being able to push a mop and turn on the stove is no longer a much sort after skill set. I know, it sucks right?

Know your worth

I know you hear and see this statement all the time but trust me they’re using it wrong. Somehow “knowing your worth” normally means sticking a crazy price tag on some regular ass shit. Like remember when Neiman Marcus was selling frozen Thanksgiving collard greens for $80 ($66 plus $15 for shipping and handling) and everybody lost their minds over it? For $80 you could probably feed a family of 4 an entire Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, stuffing, yams and greens included. Now I’ll stick a super inflated value on myself because of all the “dope” things about me that might not mean shit to anyone else. So here we go… Full head of hair, drives luxury vehicles, wears designer clothing, stable good paying job, never been to jail, good father to my child, I cook, I clean and never smell like onion rings.  Ok I lied I don’t clean. Now with all the things I listed I should be feeling pretty good about myself and date only bad bitches, right? Nope. See it’s a guy driving an 2002 Camry wearing a pair of KD’s and fresh black Lux-T that’s in the same lane I’m in; talking to the same women I’m trying to get at and the same goes for you women. When ya’ll take to slandering the looks of baby mothers of the guys you’re currently checking for? Those “ugly” women are in your same league. Why? Because that 2006 G37 sedan and that 2 bedroom condo isn’t making you the breakout star you thought it would. To assess your worth you have to assess your competition and please believe there is plenty of competition no matter how much you “don’t compete”.

This brings me back to my homie and Mr. 6’2

She was all ready to start picking out wedding dresses by the third date (I’m kidding but not by much) and Mr. 6’2 was just taking it easy being all casual and shit. She couldn’t understand it. She’s a good woman. The strong but let a man be a man type. She has a real job and a side hustle, about to go back to school to finish off this degree, only one kid with no baby daddy drama, living on her own, in the gym and all that other dope shit. She could have any guy right? Or so she thought. This guy wasn’t willing to give up his bachelorhood just because she thought highly enough of herself to eliminate whoever else might have been vying for his attention. Instead of seeing that she’s not the only one trying to be the only one she labeled him as a player and said he was playing games. He wasn’t.  He didn’t sell any dreams.  Welp. Her vagina remains on the shelf till this day.

None of us are in league of our own out here; keep it 100 with yourself
Jean DeGrate has spoken

5 Signs You Might Be a Reggie Chick

If you didn’t read yesterday’s post this is the follow up but I’ll give you the definition of Reggie again for you first timers…

Reggie – a term derived from regular originally use to describe a less than favorable potency of marijuana. It later was expanded to describe anything of less than desirable stature, quality, or in this instance, attractiveness.

Cool. I’m glad we got that out of the way.

I also feels like this goes without saying but I could be wrong so I’m going to say it anyway. There will be no “5 signs you might be a Reggie dude” coming because money fixes everything for a guy. Lame? Sprinkle some money on it and his personality becomes unique. Ugly? Sprinkle some money on it and his looks gain character. Fat? Short? Handicap? Just sprinkle on a few commas and a BMW M6 and everything will be right as rain. Unfortunately there is no quick fix for a Reggie female that doesn’t include surgical procedures, a makeup artist and bundles of hair from an 3rd world Asian country. Think Kylie Jenner.

So without further ado…

1. You might be a Reggie if %50 or more of the guys that pursue you don’t try to legit date you
If you’re fine or at least as fine as you think you are guys will want to be seen with you. He won’t immediately opt for the Netflix and Chill. Nah it’s going to be some dinner dates in your future. You just look like the “Just swing thru with this bottle of Mango Ciroc and see what it do” type.

2. You might be a Reggie if you don’t get premium nights
If you didn’t already know the premium nights are Fridays, Saturdays and Sundays (on 3 day holiday weekends). Pretty much the no work and/or school the next morning days. Those nights are reserved for plans with the first-rate women from first rate men. A Reggie ass dude and a Reggie ass chick can paint the town red on any day of the week.

3. You might be a Reggie if you get offered last minute plans
The basketball game starts at 8p and he calls you at 630p asking if you want to go? He says he got the tickets from a co-worker/homie/cousin that had something expected pop up and he was gifted awesome floor seats? Yeah that’s bullshit. The girl he was supposed to go with canceled and your Reggie ass was the second if you’re lucky but most likely the 4th or 5th option. Nobody wants to get caught sitting courtside on the kiss cam with a Reggie.

4. You might be a Reggie if your line gets to popping after 10p.
Being a Reggie makes you a prime candidate for booty calls. Those “WYD” and “You up” text messages that seem to all way make their way to you well after sundown are coming for a reason. Your Reggie, you’re probably alone. Why not take the shot?

5. You might be a Reggie if most of your “likes” and comments on Instagram come from women
Women are the greatest cheer leaders. They’ll lift you up when you’re feeling down. They’ll call you beautiful when you look like Shrek. They’ll put heart eyed emojis under all your pictures. If your latest selfie has 10 “likes” and 6 of them came from fellow vagina owners you just might be a Reggie.

I can really go for 10 but I know some of you Reggies are already hovering over the delete button
Jean DeGrate has spoken

The Top 4 Reason Men Date Reggie Women

If you don’t know what Reggie is I’m just going to blame it on your age or a disconnection from urban culture (if you spent the last 6 years working for Doctors without Borders I understand).

Reggie – a term derived from regular originally use to describe a less than favorable potency of marijuana. It later was expanded to describe anything of less than desirable stature, quality, or in this instance, attractiveness.

I should work for Webster.

Anyway…

There is an assortment of reasons why men who could perceivably date more “attractive” women would “settle” for a Reggie; I’m just going to give the top 4. I’ll be side stepping all those cooked up reasons men give to other men i.e. “Son she’s really cool and her sex is crazy”. There are flaws all up in that statement, but we’ll get to bros lying to bros on different date. On with the list…

1. She makes more money than him
Men are very self-conscious about not being the main bread winner and more times than not the only way to circumvent that is dating a woman that is a tad bit less attractive than his usual standards. With the exception of Stedman Graham; dating a more successful woman often means there’s another guy on her level just waiting to scoop her up unless she’s not that good looking. That’s almost never the case but that’s how these guys feel.

2. He’s a cheater
To state this delicately, non-beauty queens tend to deal with a higher level of bullshit from their mates. With that said a guy can literally have his cake and eat it too and by cake I mean his sidechick. Argue with me if you like but you’ve probably NEVER told a less than 6 “You’re way too pretty to be dealing with this bullshit.”

3. He has low self-esteem
Dating a Reggie is an easy way to elude jealousy, undue clinginess, over spending to compensate and etc. It’s a safety net much in the same way as it is for dating a more successful woman.

4. He’s got issues
Ex-con, under employed, very poor, owes back child support, baby mama drama, lives at home, doesn’t own a car; you name it but it’s enough to stop him from getting a second date. After a streak of failing to capture the affections of the women he would like to date he’s subjected to dating the women that would date him.

If he’s dating 5 and riding dark tints it’s definitely a reason.
Jean DeGrate has spoken