There are two things that I’ve said on several occasions…
1. Dating is a selfish sport on both sides of the table
2. You’re not as dope as you think you are
But let me elaborate…
Both of these things directly coincide. Think of your vacant boyfriend position as an actually employment opportunity and the dates are like job interviews leading up to filling the position. If a qualified candidate doesn’t apply the position should remain unfilled; in other terms don’t settle (be selfish). And on the flipside, just like in real life chances are you aren’t the only establishment he has applied for and people applying for multiple jobs are prone to take the 1 best suited. Unfortunately the best job might not be you (refer to number 2 stated above).
Anyway a few weeks back me and the homie were chopping it up because she’s getting back into the dating after about a year of sitting on the bench (and by the bench I mean her vagina is sitting on the top shelf in the back of the linen closet). She had a handful of dates with a couple dudes. One guy was lame and she immediately released him back into the wild. The other guy was that dude. You know the guys that check all the boxes: cool, charming, good money, own home, career, car, full beard, 6’2, hairline still intact, no kids and all the other bells and whistles. And of course she was highly interested in the second guy. Why wouldn’t she be? Clearly he’s a catch. This solidly brings me to my second bullet point… (But I will be doubling back here)
You’re not as dope as you think you are
Half of the things you fancy about yourself probably don’t mean much of anything to potential suitors. All your dreams and aspirations are dope and all but that doesn’t have much to do with who you are right fucking now. Until you become a millionaire from selling diet teas on Instagram, or whatever your mission to get that second comma in your bank account is, you’re still a mother of 2 working as a receptionist in a lawyer’s office. You might be a great mom but that’s only a benefit to your kids (and the niggas that going to eat their snacks). Cooking and cleaning is no longer woman’s work but the work of a functioning adult, so being able to push a mop and turn on the stove is no longer a much sort after skill set. I know, it sucks right?
Know your worth
I know you hear and see this statement all the time but trust me they’re using it wrong. Somehow “knowing your worth” normally means sticking a crazy price tag on some regular ass shit. Like remember when Neiman Marcus was selling frozen Thanksgiving collard greens for $80 ($66 plus $15 for shipping and handling) and everybody lost their minds over it? For $80 you could probably feed a family of 4 an entire Thanksgiving dinner with turkey, stuffing, yams and greens included. Now I’ll stick a super inflated value on myself because of all the “dope” things about me that might not mean shit to anyone else. So here we go… Full head of hair, drives luxury vehicles, wears designer clothing, stable good paying job, never been to jail, good father to my child, I cook, I clean and never smell like onion rings. Ok I lied I don’t clean. Now with all the things I listed I should be feeling pretty good about myself and date only bad bitches, right? Nope. See it’s a guy driving an 2002 Camry wearing a pair of KD’s and fresh black Lux-T that’s in the same lane I’m in; talking to the same women I’m trying to get at and the same goes for you women. When ya’ll take to slandering the looks of baby mothers of the guys you’re currently checking for? Those “ugly” women are in your same league. Why? Because that 2006 G37 sedan and that 2 bedroom condo isn’t making you the breakout star you thought it would. To assess your worth you have to assess your competition and please believe there is plenty of competition no matter how much you “don’t compete”.
This brings me back to my homie and Mr. 6’2
She was all ready to start picking out wedding dresses by the third date (I’m kidding but not by much) and Mr. 6’2 was just taking it easy being all casual and shit. She couldn’t understand it. She’s a good woman. The strong but let a man be a man type. She has a real job and a side hustle, about to go back to school to finish off this degree, only one kid with no baby daddy drama, living on her own, in the gym and all that other dope shit. She could have any guy right? Or so she thought. This guy wasn’t willing to give up his bachelorhood just because she thought highly enough of herself to eliminate whoever else might have been vying for his attention. Instead of seeing that she’s not the only one trying to be the only one she labeled him as a player and said he was playing games. He wasn’t. He didn’t sell any dreams. Welp. Her vagina remains on the shelf till this day.
None of us are in league of our own out here; keep it 100 with yourself
Jean DeGrate has spoken