Monday, November 15, 2010

4 More Great Ways to Save Money

Having safe sex
I know a whole lot of dudes who think they are downright surgical when it comes to pulling out. I don’t care if you smoke weed all the time, wear boxer briefs, and eat/drink large quantities of yellow dye #6. I know Doritos eating, Mountain Dew drinking pot heads with kids. It’s like a good spades hand; 5 and 3 possibles. Try your hand if you like, and that leads me to my next money saving tip…

Buying condoms in bulk
I always see people at the gas station scooping up that 3 pack of Trojans like this is the last time they are going to fuck. A lot of people learned in February that’s not sound practice because all those blizzard babies are due right…about…now. But, besides that, the shelf life on condoms is crazy, meaning the condoms you buy today will expire when Skynet takes over the world, and by then you should be fucking raw anyway to repopulate the world. What’s cheaper: two or three 12 packs of Magnums or 18 plus years of child support? You do the math.

Stainless steel appliances
My stove is white. So is my fridge and dishwasher. Matter-of-fact, there’re only two things I would rather have in stainless steel: (1) knives and (2) guns. People kill me when a selling point/renting point for a place of residence is that all the kitchen appliances are covered in a shiny metal. Does a stainless steel stove get hotter than the basic white joints? Does a stainless steel fridge keep food fresher? Does a stainless steel dishwasher clean dishes faster or get them cleaner? I’m appliance color blind.

Carrying cash only
I roll with cash and cash only; no debit, credit, or check book. Sometimes I roll with a lot of cash and sometimes just 20 or 30 bucks. The general idea is I never walk out the door with more than I’m willing to spend, and this way I never spend more than what I’m willing to spend. When I reach into my pocket that was once full of 20’s, 50’s, and 100’s and is now home to a lonely 5 and a 10, I know my spending is done. Credit cards and debit cards give the false idea that you’re not spending as much as you are. It’s almost like driving a car with no gas meter.

I’m getting money but my goal is to keep it
Jean DeGrate has spoken