Thursday, July 21, 2016

Prenups are for Poor People

And by poor people I mean you and me of course; basically regular people. I’m 100% sure the likes of Kanye and Kim Kardashian aren’t reading my blog post but if they are I need the Pirate Black Yeezy 350’s in a size 10. Thanks.

By definition a prenuptial agreement is a contract entered into prior to marriage that can widely vary on terms and conditions, but for most of us; we simply see it as way to protect our shit. Shit – assets, earnings and intellectual properties acquired prior to, during and after the marriage. I’m pretty sure this is an exact Johnnie Cochran quote.

Rich people
Remember when it was all over the net that Nas was kicking up 40k a month to Kelis in child and spousal support? Or remember even more recently when it was reported that Derek Fisher was going to pay 1.3 mil in spousal support plus 180k in child support to his ex-wife Candace and we were all like “What the fuck?” I remember and it had me thinking Gloria Govan’s pussy must truly be something the lord has made. Ok back on topic… The thing is this; most of us won’t even make 1 mil in 10 years, so thinking about giving that much away every year is unfathomable. I’m pretty sure Jay-Z and Beyoncé have a prenup that will ensure that when it’s all said and done they can still get a new Maybach every year and neither of them will have to move into a smaller mansion. (Side note – Jay and Bey were the epiphany of Black Love right up until Lemonade dropped. Just let that simmer for a second as you continue to read.)  Let’s be honest even if you’re married in a Kobe/Vanessa Bryant situation then you have to give up half of 300 mil you still have 150 mil and you’re still rich as fuck.

“You ain’t got shit”
Well you don’t have shit and half of nothing is still nothing. Right? No, it’s wrong, dead ass wrong. Half of your pension and/or 401k is very much something especially if you can no longer afford to retire and you have to get a job at Target after 30 years with a good government job. Half of your 2 bedroom condo is definitely something especially if you can’t afford to buy your ex out so you have to sell your shit to pay them off. Half of your 2007 E-Class Benz might only be 8k but do you have 8k to just give away. I’m assuming you don’t since you don’t have shit and having shit would mean you’d have all this deposable cash setting around to pay off your former spouse.

Us poor people
The prenup actually protects the little bit of shit you do have along with the shit you will possibly attain during and after the relationship ends. Us non-one percenters need that layer of protection that’s stopping us from moving into our brother’s house with his wife and 2 kids after the love gone. You’re 75k a year is enough to keep you leasing a new 5 series BMW every 3 years, a week in Miami every summer, a boy’s weekend in Vegas when the mood strikes and a few pairs of Gucci shoes. You’re able to do all this dope shit and still keep the lights on. Life is good and you’re comfortable but you’re so far off from being rich. Now just imagine forking over 15k a year in spousal support for the foreseeable future on top of draining out your saving to make good on the divorce settlement. Things are going to get a lot less comfortable.

“But I planned to be married forever”
First plans change, especially when it involves 2 grown ass capable and able minded people, and second forever is a mighty long time. These aren’t the marriages of our parents and grandparents where they really stuck it out through thick and thin. You got 2 uncles and an aunt with “good hair” that aren’t granny’s kids and aren’t present in any of the family photos on the fireplace. The current divorce rate is about 50% but would you bet half of your “everything” on the flip of coin? I mean that’s 50/50 too. Of course you wouldn’t that would be crazy. Your marriage would be more stable. You’re a good judge of character. You’re only going to pick your soulmate to jump the broom with. All those people in failed marriages got married for the wrong reasons or to the wrong person. That’s right you know this is going to last forever. If you’re so sure of yourself and sure of your love wouldn’t the prenup just be a piece of paper. Think of it as car insurance because you never PLAN to get into an accident but just in case you do you wouldn’t want to be without.

Prenups because being 43 eating Top Ramen for dinner and living at home ain’t the wave
Jean DeGrate has spoken