Wednesday, March 15, 2017

The Top 4 Reason I Can’t Date a “Woke” Woman

I’m semi-woke. I know what’s going on kinda. I’m about the movement somewhat. I’ll cut a check to a worthy cause, repost a meme, share a link to an article but that’s about it. I’m a very limited revolutionary. I’m not about that kufi life. I’m not about that hooded dashiki life. I’m not about to watch these YouTube documentaries about how they are poisoning our food because ignorance is bliss and if I want to eat a burger that’s what the fuck I’m going to do. Fight me. Anyway I’m extremely happy with my level of wokeness and plus I know we aren’t all descendants of kings and queens; somebody’s great great great great grandmother was cleaning the royal penis. Ok on with the list…

1. I’m comfortable

I’m complacent. I’m content. I make good money. I drive nice cars. I dress well. My kid takes piano and ballet lessons. I don’t feel the pressure of the man’s foot on my neck. To be perfectly honest I never had. I had a job with the Federal Government when I was 16. Fuck I’ve been on my current job for 16 years and I’m writing this blog at my desk on the clock. $$$. I don’t have the fight in me because I never had to fight. I can’t begin to understand where her fire is coming from. She might not feel me but I KNOW I won’t feel her.

2. I still enjoy ratchet shit

I watched 13th. I listened to Kendrick Lamar’s “To Pimp a Butterfly” once. That shit was stressful. I like that diet wokeness; sneak it in there on me like an episode of Blackish. So when we’re riding in the car for a night out I want to listen to music that may or may not refer to women as bitches. I want to hear Future rap about being depressed, taking shots at Ciara because he's bitter and his drug abuse. These underground rappers with 122 followers on IG and a Sound Cloud exclusive mixtape get no play in my ride. I want to watch episodes of Power and throw fruit snacks at my TV every time Ghost does some dumb shit. I want my girl to enjoy it too instead of sitting on the opposite side of the couch reading the Final Call newspaper or with her headphones in listening to some Hotep podcast.

3. I know the world is messed up don’t keep reminding me

I have the local news in the morning, my social media timeline, the radio and people in the office are all informing me of all the woes in the world, the social injustice and the shit that Trump is getting into every single day. When I come home I don’t want to talk about those things well at least not on a regular basis. I want to watch “This is Us” like a real nigga. I want to eat ice cream for dinner. I want to just want to unwind and not pretend to be the next coming of the Black Panther movement.

4. I can’t have my woman questioning my blackness

I don’t need any of those “not down for the cause” Robert Griffin III moments. I mean if she wants wear Erykah Badu head wraps and travel 45 minutes out of her way to support a minority owned organic supermarket that’s cool but don’t push that agenda on me. I don’t have time for all that. I’m going to support the white man because the white man put up Targets and Costcos in several convenient locations. I don’t need anybody giving me shit over this. I don’t want to come home and have to sneak in with Target bags because I don’t want any problems. I don’t want to explain my Yeezy’s after Kanye said he would have voted for Trump.

I’m woke-lite
Jean DeGrate is half sleep

Thursday, March 9, 2017

Fuck Boy misappropriation

I’m not a fan of the fuck boy generation and not because I have anything against the way they move but because of the echoing effects of the women dealing with a fuck boy. I occasionally hand out tips on how to spot a fuck boy for the sake of mankind even although I sometimes fit into a few of those fuck boy stereotypes.  It’s just the cost of doing business. But, and you knew a “but” was coming; there’s a lot of guys catching this fuck boy trophy undeservingly. Women will pull that trigger on fuck boy slander faster than a random dude calls a chick a bitch in her DM’s for not responding.

He’s not a fuck boy if he says something you don’t agree with

It’s nothing like a believed to be risqué remark from a guy via social media to receive a swift fuck boy branding. “You’re a fuck boy and you’re probably not getting any pussy that you’re not paying for” I swear it’s already queued up in the predictive text of her smart phone. It could be over anything, like pineapple on pizza.

He’s not a fuck boy if he doesn’t want you

You went on a few dates and some texting back and forth then he just fades away, he’s not fuck a boy; he’s just not fucking with you. Take the L and move on. Don’t defame his character because he’s not checking for you. Would he no longer be titled a fuck boy if he sent you the Obama mic dropping gif along with a detailed message of why you’re not popping? Don’t answer because the answer is “no”.

He’s not a fuck boy if you’re the side chick pretending to your friend like you’re the main

It’s PLENTY of side chicks out here pretending to be in a real relationship for the sake of saving face with the homies. Either the relationship comes to light and the homies find out or he decided to be faithful and cuts you loose. When your pseudo relationship goes up in smoke you immediately falsely label him and double down on your relationship lie. It’s a dirty game.

He’s not a fuck boy if he doesn’t meet your definition of a man

Your daddy worked 3 fulltime jobs to support you, your 5 siblings and your stay at home mom. All heroes don’t wear capes and your dad went above and beyond. Bravo; I tip my hat to him. Your brother can change a flat tire with his bare hands, redone his entire kitchen by himself last Memorial Day weekend and Bob Vila has an autograph photo of him sitting on his fireplace mantle. These guys, these days pale in comparison to the men you grew up with. Now the new dude comes around uses Triple A instead of putting on a donut, has a contractor on speed dial for all his home repairs and believes in splitting the bills so you call him a fuck boy. That’s not how this works it’s 2017 not 1967; they’re not making those guys anymore and if so in very limited quantities.

He’s not a fuck boy if he’s not for your shit

You decided to put him in the free food/friendzone category and decided not to know you anymore. Nah, not a fuck boy. You’re accustomed to guy bowing at your feet and he’s not about that life. Nope, still not a fuck boy. You asked for a favor and he told you “no”. Definitely not a fuck boy and so on and so forth.

Not saying he can’t be a fuck boy for another reason but if any of what’s listed above is the sole reason he’s not a fuck boy

Jean DeGrate has spoken

Wednesday, March 1, 2017

The 4 guys you should never ever be

Women are annoying and we all know women are annoying. Even women will admit to be annoying. They’re spoiled, they never know what they want to eat, they rub their cold feet against your for warmth, steal food off your plate and that's just the basics. Unfortunately that’s the cost of doing business if you want to be in the company of the fairer sex. Deal with it or die alone. On the flipside men can also be annoying but that bothersome behavior will land a potential gentleman caller in the free meal zone, friendzone or if he’s lucky on the blocklist (but only if she’s that sympathetic). It’s a few guys that lead the league in being irritating as fuck and today I’m going to let some you guys know if you made the list.

1. The “Hi” guy

You’re her friend on social media, have her email or cell phone number and you randomly shoot a “hello” message from time to time followed by meaningless small talk that always leads nowhere. Women hate that shit. They’re literally sitting there glaring at the phone waiting for you to say something of substance or invite her out to do something. But of course since you’re the “Hi” guy you never do. You just continue on with random “hellos” and small talk until she stops responding to you all together.

2. The “passive aggressive” guy

You don’t have a direct bone in your body when it’s comes to the opposite sex. You’ll push her buttons in an attempt to gauge her feelings about you if there are any at all. You’ll conveniently drop things that you’ve seen on her social media accounts into conversation to get a rise out of her. You’re the “No Invite/without me” guy whenever you see her out and about via Instagram. You’re Mr. “Hypothetical 20 Questions” to avoid asking her the questions you really want the answers to.

3. The “How can I help” but no follow thru guy

You love to be seen as the hero but only in the “if I don’t have to go out of my way” type of way. You have endless resources, skills and assets to offer right up until the time you’re being called on for anything. You want to be thought of as the nice guy, the good guy but you’re really an ain’t shit dude hoping to never getting called on shit. But if you do happened to see the Bat symbol waving for you to come to rescue you’ll vanish like a fart in the wind.

4. The “Where’s my hug/When you gonna let me take you out” guy

You’re creepy as fuck dude and have no concept of personal space. You’re a co-worker/neighbor/ friend of a family member. You hand out unsolicited shoulder rubs. You’re a close talker and nothing about your appearance or social status makes any of this acceptable. You’re always 30 seconds away from getting cursed out, 2 minutes away from being smacked and 5 minutes away from somebody’s brother, cousin or boyfriend coming to beating your ass.

Hey my guy, don’t be any of these guys
Jean DeGrate has spoken