The Top 4 Reason I Can’t Date a “Woke” Woman

I’m semi-woke. I know what’s going on kinda. I’m about the movement somewhat. I’ll cut a check to a worthy cause, repost a meme, share a link to an article but that’s about it. I’m a very limited revolutionary. I’m not about that kufi life. I’m not about that hooded dashiki life. I’m not about to watch these YouTube documentaries about how they are poisoning our food because ignorance is bliss and if I want to eat a burger that’s what the fuck I’m going to do. Fight me. Anyway I’m extremely happy with my level of wokeness and plus I know we aren’t all descendants of kings and queens; somebody’s great great great great grandmother was cleaning the royal penis. Ok on with the list…

1. I’m comfortable

I’m complacent. I’m content. I make good money. I drive nice cars. I dress well. My kid takes piano and ballet lessons. I don’t feel the pressure of the man’s foot on my neck. To be perfectly honest I never had. I had a job with the Federal Government when I was 16. Fuck I’ve been on my current job for 16 years and I’m writing this blog at my desk on the clock. $$$. I don’t have the fight in me because I never had to fight. I can’t begin to understand where her fire is coming from. She might not feel me but I KNOW I won’t feel her.

2. I still enjoy ratchet shit

I watched 13th. I listened to Kendrick Lamar’s “To Pimp a Butterfly” once. That shit was stressful. I like that diet wokeness; sneak it in there on me like an episode of Blackish. So when we’re riding in the car for a night out I want to listen to music that may or may not refer to women as bitches. I want to hear Future rap about being depressed, taking shots at Ciara because he's bitter and his drug abuse. These underground rappers with 122 followers on IG and a Sound Cloud exclusive mixtape get no play in my ride. I want to watch episodes of Power and throw fruit snacks at my TV every time Ghost does some dumb shit. I want my girl to enjoy it too instead of sitting on the opposite side of the couch reading the Final Call newspaper or with her headphones in listening to some Hotep podcast.

3. I know the world is messed up don’t keep reminding me

I have the local news in the morning, my social media timeline, the radio and people in the office are all informing me of all the woes in the world, the social injustice and the shit that Trump is getting into every single day. When I come home I don’t want to talk about those things well at least not on a regular basis. I want to watch “This is Us” like a real nigga. I want to eat ice cream for dinner. I want to just want to unwind and not pretend to be the next coming of the Black Panther movement.

4. I can’t have my woman questioning my blackness

I don’t need any of those “not down for the cause” Robert Griffin III moments. I mean if she wants wear Erykah Badu head wraps and travel 45 minutes out of her way to support a minority owned organic supermarket that’s cool but don’t push that agenda on me. I don’t have time for all that. I’m going to support the white man because the white man put up Targets and Costcos in several convenient locations. I don’t need anybody giving me shit over this. I don’t want to come home and have to sneak in with Target bags because I don’t want any problems. I don’t want to explain my Yeezy’s after Kanye said he would have voted for Trump.

I’m woke-lite
Jean DeGrate is half sleep