She doesn’t like you yet

You have her contact info. You’re on her line. Maybe even have one or two dates under your belt but she isn’t necessarily enthusiastic about anything about you. It’s a vast assortment of reasons why she isn’t feeling you yet and possibly will never feel you and most of it has nothing to do with you. Let’s get into it.

 
Off top this isn’t 1998. Getting a woman’s phone number isn’t half the feat it used to be. I’ve had several female homies exchange number with dudes just so they can go away only to block them moments later. It’s a cold game and dudes are extra persistent. Like ridiculously persistent. It’s a thin line between eager and thirsty and that line is exclusively determined by her perception. You ever seen one of those romantic comedies where a young lady is at the bar then rolls up on a random dude asking him to pretend to be her boyfriend to escape the guy that just can’t take a hint? You do? I’ve been the pretend boyfriend on at least 3 occasions and stumbled into some cheeks because of it once. Thank you thirsty dude. But for the sake of this blog let’s pretend you got her contact info because she was as a minimum 25% interested in you at that moment you shot your shot. Cool? Cool.
 
Women are famous for forgetting what they like about men
You ever see a woman bashing her ex; hating every fiber of his existence? You ever ask her “well damn what did you see in him to start with’? You ever get that wildly vague response like “he had a good job and his teeth were white”? You know something so generic that if you were on a crowded subway platform you could point out 20 guys that fit that build? True story; I know 3 women that have kids by guys that had “good government” jobs as their crowning achievement. Now that’s a guy that she’s spend some serious time with and been intimate with; so the guy she met at happy hour Monday after the 2nd Cîroc and cranberry isn’t going to standout at all.
 
Women hate dating and traditionally find men annoying
It’s really amazing that half of the human race gets offered free food, drinks and entertainment from the other half of the human race but aren’t remotely enthused about it. Unless it stops of course. Women love to be wanted but are hardly ever motivated to entertain those fascinated parties. It’s a woman reading this right now that has already turned down 3 dates for Saturday with no plans at all. She has no interest in dating until you find a way to break thru and prove yourself other than annoying but that’s a hell of a hat trick and most men never make it pass their text messages being left on read.
 
Women don’t trust men
Men are a tricky bunch and we tend to have a motive in the way we move. And by “a tricky bunch” I mean we trying to trick women out of that pussy; just in case that got lost in translation. Even if you have the most earnest intentions the last 20 guys before you in your same position didn’t so you’ll have a pretty interesting time trying to set yourself apart from the crowd. It’s so many guys that were interesting, charming and a breath of fresh air in comparison to the other guys she’s come across lately then BOOM..
Popped up with a live in girlfriend
Had 3 secret children
Sent an unsolicited dick pic
Lives in his grandmother’s basement
Or whatever else that just pops up out of the blue to make her take an immediate step back and block his everything. Now you have to trying to climb over this mountain of bullshit that the guys before left in your path plus the last 3 nightmare dating stories her girlfriends told her.
 
Somebody else has her attention
If she’s checking for another dude/fucking another dude you’re on the injury reserved list. It’s very little you can do to change that. It’s all on the dude to fuck up and make room for you to slide in; if you’re even next up.
 
Ok somehow someway you made it thru to the other side (you probably won’t but let’s keep this on the glass half full energy). Don’t fuck this up.
 
You think she’s playing games but she’s really not checking for you
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Hip Hop Doesn’t Age Well

I get it now. I didn’t get it before. I thought I did but I didn’t.

I didn’t really understand why the old fogy hip hop historians were always mad. I didn’t comprehend why they vocally screamed to the top of their lungs for anybody to hear it, that hip hop was dead. The Lil Uzi Verts and the Young Thugs of the world had ruined rap music like there hadn’t always been “trash” rap music on the top of charts in every era.
 
“My waist bone's connected to my hip bone. My hip bone's connected to my thigh bone. My thigh bone's connected to my knee bone. My knee bone's connected to my hardy-har-har-har.” – a trash can rapping
 
It was simply the changing of the guard. A new sound from new voices.
 
400 Degreez is one of my favorite rap albums of all times. It holds a special place in my heart. Who I was in in 1998 was really close to what Juvenile was spitting over Manny Fresh’s beats. I wasn’t rocking Reeboks and Girbaud jeans but the other shit; yeah I was with that shit. I said all that to say; I attended the “Legends of Southern Hip Hop” show at the DAR Constitution Hall a couple of weekends ago and Juvie was the headliner. The lineup was extra solid; Scarface, 8 Ball & MJG, Pastor Troy and Project Pat but I noticed a few things strange. First off crowd participation fell flat; all that "I rap and let the crowd finish the line" shit wasn't working. They didn't remember the words outside of the chorus. Also, as I made my trips to the bar and the bathroom I observed that everybody was old and I’m old but they were older than me. I might have been the youngest person there or at least in the bottom 5%. It was a lot of 70’s (maybe even 60’s) babies raised in the 80’s in the building. I can’t remember ever feeling like the youngest person in attendance and I’ve seen Hall & Oates in concert 4 times and their last big hit was in 1984 (Out of Touch). I was 4.
 
I’ve always said these so call hip hop heads don’t buy music and don’t attend concerts. That very much holds true because you could have legitimately seen 5 gold and platinum selling artist for as low as 35 bucks and the auditorium was half empty. I don’t anybody in my age that’s not a Scarface fan and I don’t know anybody in my age range without 35 bucks to blow at a moment's notice but, I only saw 2 familiar faces in the building. On the flip side I only know a handful of Young Thug fans but his shows always sells out. Your favorite artist isn’t selling because you old heads aren’t pulling up to the show or pushing play. Music is free. You don’t have to drive down to Sam Goody or Tower Records for the latest Nas album. Nope it’s right there on your phone built into an app that you’re probably not paying for anyway and all you have to do is hit play. It’s like magic; you hit play and your favorite artist gets a check. Unfortunately, the problem is way bigger than you fake hip hop heads being disloyal.
 
What makes rap great is the same thing that makes it extra contemporary. It’s regional. It’s a reflection of right now. It speaks directly to the listener in that exact moment. Right the fuck now, you can turn to anybody and ask them to name their 5 favorite songs from before they were born and not a single rap track will be listed. Think of yours for a second... is there a rap song in your top 5 from yesteryear? In my mind Run DMC is great but at the same time I can’t imagine listening to 3 Run DMC tracks in row, in entirety, on purpose. I just tried and I failed. Nope. There’s in no reach back quality for the next generation. This is why Rich Homie Quan didn’t know the lyrics to “Get Money” at VH1's Hip Hop Honors show a few years back. It came out when he was 6 years old. He wasn’t checking for that. He was still watching Barney and Friends. Fire up YouTube right now and find a hip hop cover with a million views. I haven’t even looked but I seriously doubt you can find one. Now Boyce Avenue has made a whole ass career out of singing other people’s songs. Unlike R&B and Rock and Jazz you can pull up the sounds of old and make them new again. Jodeci’s cover of “Lately” is better than the original (sorry Stevie). The Dixie chicks killed Fleetwood Mac’s “Landslide”. Nobody’s ever going to do a remake of “Rapper’s Delight” and you’re perfectly fine with that. Rap might be the only form of media that’s such a huge part of the culture but isn’t revered by the generations to come after. On the flipside Maze Featuring Frankie Beverly hasn’t dropped any new music since 1993 but they are playing the DAR Constitution Hall on November 24th because those hits don’t get old.

Damn you hip hop
Jean DeGrate has spoken

We are doing way too much

I came from a much simpler time. Like 20 years ago shit was way different from the way people carry on today. It’s amazing when I look at now and then. Like if I was asleep for the last 20 years and woke up to this I would think people are idiotic, fortunately I was awake to see the gradual change so I know people are silly at the very least and absolute fucking morons that shouldn’t be allowed to procreate at most.

 
Anyway…
 
So last week I’m sitting at my desk minding my business and reading up on Dennis Dickey, an off-duty Border Patrol agent, having a gender reveal party and accidently started a wildfire that burned up 47k acres and caused over 8 million dollars in damage. He fired a shotgun at a target expecting to release pink or blue powder instead it exploded and started a fire. Which brings me to the first topic of doing way too much…
 
Gender Reveal parties are doing way too much

I don’t even know the purpose of a gender reveal celebration. Like send me a text. “Hey bro I’m having a girl.” Don’t invite me over. I don’t want to be surprised with you. I’m really not that interested. I’m never going to be that invested in the sex of your fuck trophy and it’s kind of weird that you would want me or anybody to be. It’s not like I’m going to pull up to the reveal party then find out you’re having your 3rd little girl and feel some sort of way because I give zero fucks. All these magical moments you’re setting up for your social media friends and real life friends is low key corny.
 
These filters

I don’t know what you look like. I don’t. Seriously; I don’t. You’ve snap chatted, IG’d and photoshopped your face away. Like it was cute when you wanted to put the vintage filter to give your pictures that 90’s and 80’s vibe. Even those puppy dog OG snap chat filters were cool but now ya’ll are tripping. You've airbrushed your whole ass face away. Your face doesn’t have any pores or laugh lines; you look like a Mister Potato head in a lace front. Relax.
 
Super Proms

Back in my day which seemed all so long ago I went down to my local Macy’s picked a multipurpose suit off the rack then handed it off to the tailor for alterations. By multipurpose I mean this suit was not only for prom; it was for job interviews, weddings, funerals and whatever event a suit might be needed for. For the ladies the dress came from a department store but without the pretense of a multipurpose use because it’s no way they were going to recycle a purple, black and silver single shoulder strap gown. So yeah that dress would likely sit in the closet for a few year before it found its way to Goodwill. My mother rented me a Buick LaSabre from Enterprise Rental Car and I was off for a magical night to bid farewell to high school. Today that shit is out of the window. Kids are pulling up in Bentleys and Rolls Royce’s, wearing custom Versace suits and gowns and shit. I don’t know if they are going to Prom or the Met Gala. What happened to going in with a few friends and getting a limousine? Save a few grand and put it on a dope graduation gift; you know something that will be around the day after the prom.
 
Going Live on Social Media

I have 2956 friends on Facebook and between me and you 2000 of them are muted for a various assortment of reasons but none more pivotal than going live for no fucking reason. It’s bad enough that most of ya’ll are painstakingly ugly without the assistance of filter (which I probably would have been at peace with if I knew you were ugly beforehand without all the filters). You’re on the timeline saying absolutely nothing and doing nothing of note. Seriously why you going live so we can watch you sit on your porch smoking half a jay? Why are you going live while you’re putting away groceries? Why are you going live to just stare into the camera and say nothing at all? Just go back to stealing memes and status updates because you’re not clever or funny when left to your own devices.
 
Bashing your Ex

In spite of my own social media entertainment value because lord knows I love it when you people go in on each other especially when it’s scorned lovers. Here’s the thing when you go ham on your old work laying out all the dirty laundry you also look bad. I’m a huge fan of taking your L’s in silence. If you dealt with a wack person you were clearly here for the shenanigans so when you take it to a public forum you're confirming all of that. Also we are sitting back eating popcorn laughing at you.

Canceling people and establishments 

We love to cancel shit, don't we? We canceled the NFL; we canceled the Dallas Cowboys directly. We cancel Kanye West on average twice a month. Remember when we canceled Rick Ross because he put Molly in her Ciroc and she ain't even know it on some Bill Cosby rapey shit? We back fucking with Rick, drinking Bel Air and eating lemon pepper wings at Wing Stop. We canceled H&M for making that little black boy "the coolest monkey in jungle". Every boycott is written in dry erase marker and the slate is wiped clean without any resolution. In my day weren't so eager to cancel shit. Rumors of racism were swirling around Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger but that didn't stop us from being Polo down to the socks. We were way less politically correct and everything wasn't a fucking movement. Maybe instead of being so fucking wishy-washy you should boycott canceling shit.

Before I hit the first key I already knew this was going to fall on deaf ears
Anyway Jean DeGrate has spoken

Stop Trying to Get a Pass for Being Honest

Honesty is the best policy right? I think it is, but not because there’s some bonus points for being transparent. Nah; that’s not it or at least it shouldn't be. I see it as a sign of mutual respect. I’ll be straight with you and you’ll be straight with me; keeping the cards face up at all times. Oh I guess I should say this in application of personal relationships.

Every once in a while a young lady hops on my line in that space between just texting and actual going on a date to drop a huge bucket of truth. “This is what I need. This is what’s wrong with me. My life is pretty much in shambles but what’s up tho? You trying to hook up for drinks or something?” And it leaves me like “I’m good love; enjoy.” I tend not to quote Nayvadius DeMun Wilburn verbatim but I normally fade to black (and by normally I mean always). The honesty is much appreciated, like thank you for saying what’s real but I don’t want no parts of that shit. A lot of people expect to be rewarded for being candid off some “Oh you’s a real ass person so I’m just going to leap frog over that mountain of red flags and push forward.”
 
See here it is… the odds are significantly against you if you think somebody that has their shit together is willing to entertain all your issues while you try to get you "attempt" to get your shit together. This also goes for my “good black men” that are going thru a rough patch and looking for a woman to give him a chance when it’s a guy with a E-class Benz and a good job is on her line. Nope. Ain’t nobody trying to Netflix and Chill for a whole summer because you owe back child support and they are docking your pay. Now somebody might just take a chance on you but if they don’t you can’t be mad. Most people won't knowingly buy something that's already broken.
 
Coming clean for your wrong doings 
 
To err is human. We all make mistakes and shit. We fall down but we get up. Nobody’s perfect. Toss in whatever other fake inspirational quotes about fucking up. You forgot to take the chicken out of the freezer to defrost. You cheated. You stole a 20 out of her purse. You killed his mama bird. Whatever you may have done wrong you will get no extra kudos for coming clean. Granted getting caught up can be considerably worst but that doesn’t mean being straight up is going to get you into the clear. Sorry. Your wrong might be a deal breaker.
 
Speaking on your past
 
It’s a lot of folks out here with skeletons in their closet. Over the last year or so it’s been a lot of surprise rapist that popped on my timeline talking that “You ain’t never got a girl drunk of the Hen Dawg and went in on that ass when she was half sleep”. You stole the pussy my guy. Anyway it’s a lot of folks that have done some different types of shit in their past that can be frown upon. Yes your past does define you. That’s why credit scores are a thing.
 
Just stop it kid
Jean DeGrate has spoken