We are doing way too much

I came from a much simpler time. Like 20 years ago shit was way different from the way people carry on today. It’s amazing when I look at now and then. Like if I was asleep for the last 20 years and woke up to this I would think people are idiotic, fortunately I was awake to see the gradual change so I know people are silly at the very least and absolute fucking morons that shouldn’t be allowed to procreate at most.

 
Anyway…
 
So last week I’m sitting at my desk minding my business and reading up on Dennis Dickey, an off-duty Border Patrol agent, having a gender reveal party and accidently started a wildfire that burned up 47k acres and caused over 8 million dollars in damage. He fired a shotgun at a target expecting to release pink or blue powder instead it exploded and started a fire. Which brings me to the first topic of doing way too much…
 
Gender Reveal parties are doing way too much

I don’t even know the purpose of a gender reveal celebration. Like send me a text. “Hey bro I’m having a girl.” Don’t invite me over. I don’t want to be surprised with you. I’m really not that interested. I’m never going to be that invested in the sex of your fuck trophy and it’s kind of weird that you would want me or anybody to be. It’s not like I’m going to pull up to the reveal party then find out you’re having your 3rd little girl and feel some sort of way because I give zero fucks. All these magical moments you’re setting up for your social media friends and real life friends is low key corny.
 
These filters

I don’t know what you look like. I don’t. Seriously; I don’t. You’ve snap chatted, IG’d and photoshopped your face away. Like it was cute when you wanted to put the vintage filter to give your pictures that 90’s and 80’s vibe. Even those puppy dog OG snap chat filters were cool but now ya’ll are tripping. You've airbrushed your whole ass face away. Your face doesn’t have any pores or laugh lines; you look like a Mister Potato head in a lace front. Relax.
 
Super Proms

Back in my day which seemed all so long ago I went down to my local Macy’s picked a multipurpose suit off the rack then handed it off to the tailor for alterations. By multipurpose I mean this suit was not only for prom; it was for job interviews, weddings, funerals and whatever event a suit might be needed for. For the ladies the dress came from a department store but without the pretense of a multipurpose use because it’s no way they were going to recycle a purple, black and silver single shoulder strap gown. So yeah that dress would likely sit in the closet for a few year before it found its way to Goodwill. My mother rented me a Buick LaSabre from Enterprise Rental Car and I was off for a magical night to bid farewell to high school. Today that shit is out of the window. Kids are pulling up in Bentleys and Rolls Royce’s, wearing custom Versace suits and gowns and shit. I don’t know if they are going to Prom or the Met Gala. What happened to going in with a few friends and getting a limousine? Save a few grand and put it on a dope graduation gift; you know something that will be around the day after the prom.
 
Going Live on Social Media

I have 2956 friends on Facebook and between me and you 2000 of them are muted for a various assortment of reasons but none more pivotal than going live for no fucking reason. It’s bad enough that most of ya’ll are painstakingly ugly without the assistance of filter (which I probably would have been at peace with if I knew you were ugly beforehand without all the filters). You’re on the timeline saying absolutely nothing and doing nothing of note. Seriously why you going live so we can watch you sit on your porch smoking half a jay? Why are you going live while you’re putting away groceries? Why are you going live to just stare into the camera and say nothing at all? Just go back to stealing memes and status updates because you’re not clever or funny when left to your own devices.
 
Bashing your Ex

In spite of my own social media entertainment value because lord knows I love it when you people go in on each other especially when it’s scorned lovers. Here’s the thing when you go ham on your old work laying out all the dirty laundry you also look bad. I’m a huge fan of taking your L’s in silence. If you dealt with a wack person you were clearly here for the shenanigans so when you take it to a public forum you're confirming all of that. Also we are sitting back eating popcorn laughing at you.

Canceling people and establishments 

We love to cancel shit, don't we? We canceled the NFL; we canceled the Dallas Cowboys directly. We cancel Kanye West on average twice a month. Remember when we canceled Rick Ross because he put Molly in her Ciroc and she ain't even know it on some Bill Cosby rapey shit? We back fucking with Rick, drinking Bel Air and eating lemon pepper wings at Wing Stop. We canceled H&M for making that little black boy "the coolest monkey in jungle". Every boycott is written in dry erase marker and the slate is wiped clean without any resolution. In my day weren't so eager to cancel shit. Rumors of racism were swirling around Ralph Lauren and Tommy Hilfiger but that didn't stop us from being Polo down to the socks. We were way less politically correct and everything wasn't a fucking movement. Maybe instead of being so fucking wishy-washy you should boycott canceling shit.

Before I hit the first key I already knew this was going to fall on deaf ears
Anyway Jean DeGrate has spoken