Because everybody loves a good stalker tune...
5. Marvin Gaye’s “I Want You”
“It’s too bad, it’s just too sad
You don’t want me now
But I’m gonna change your mind
Someway, somehow, oh baby”
This is one of my favorite Marvin tracks right here, but I’d never play it in the company of a female because she every got passed Marvin’s smooth crooning those rape-ish undertones would standout clear as day.
4. The Police “Every Breath You Take”
The title alone would make a great slogan for the NASS (National Association of Stalkers and Simps). If you didn’t know stalkers and simps roll in the same circles, and most simps eventually become stalkers anyway.
“Every single day, every word you say
Every game you play, every night you say
I’ll be watching you”
The original version had the word “Bitch” in it several times i.e. “Oh can’t you see? You belong to me, Bitch” but they dropped it to make it more radio friendly. Everything about the song says, “Bitch, I’m going to kill you then play dress up with your dead body and still get away with it,” but it was the jam back in the day anyway.
3. Bob Marley & the Wailers’ “Waiting in Vain”
“It’s been three years since I’m knocking on your door, and I still can knock some more”
Do you know how long 3 years is in Jamaican time? Technically, since Jamaica is like a 3rd world country their days are like 4 hours longer than those in normal civilizations.
“Tears in my eyes burn, tears in my eyes burn
While I’m waiting, while I’m waiting on my turn”
So he is waiting and crying for years over a bitch that’s dating another nigga. There’s actually a waiting list for that pussy. To this day, I want to see a picture of the bitch this song is based on. I know deep in my heart, she had to be the finest woman in all of Jam Rock.
2. Heather Headley “In My Mind”
This song screams out to how some delusional some women are and the imaginary relationships they keep all bottled up inside their heads. I wonder how many women are involved in an imaginary relationship with me.
“He’s standing with her, but his soul is calling out my name.”
Really son… you can hear his soul? Nevermind that woman on his arm that he’s out and about with, you know what’s really real.
“In my mind, I’ll always be his lady.
In my mind, I’ll always be his girl.”
I wonder what her FaceBook relationship status says. Would that fall under “it’s complicated” or “open relationship”?
1. MéShell Ndegé Ocello’s “Outside Your Door”
The opening line of the song is “Here I sit outside your door, talk to me.” She’s not chilling in your favorite Starbucks hoping you might swing by or even hiding in a car parked several yards away from your house. She’s sitting on your front step waiting for you to come outside. Every verse she speaks in this extra calm serial killer tone. If there was ever a time to be afraid of a bald headed lesbian holding a guitar… this was it. I wouldn’t hesitate on shooting this dyke, and no court on God’s green Earth would convict me after I played this track for the jury.
“Here I am, waiting… Just waiting… Anticipating a chance to run into you. I sit here for hours. One day, I even sat through a rain shower… For just a glance…. A chance to talk to you. You're probably wondering how I even know you.”
This here is beyond “restraining order” stalking this is that “witness protection, pack up and move across country, then change your name” stalking.
“I'd be content to just sit here, and talk to you. In my dreams, you love me… and me only.”
These types of dreams end in blood.
I check chicks’ iPods for shit like this. If I see one of these tracks, I’m out the door.
Jean DeGrate has spoken