Over Priced Pussy

“If you treat a Bitch like a Queen, she’ll probably treat you like a fool” – Jean DeGrate (2011)

Although the stock market is down and the economy is struggling like a one- legged man at a kickball tournament, the value of vagina is skyrocketing. If I could roll my 401k into a couple of down-ass-Bitches, I’d be able to retire by next summer. Simping and tricking are at an all-time high, thus leading to a surge on undeserved confidence amongst subpar women.

“I deserve…”

It grinds my gears to a level that I can’t even put into words when I hear a woman talk about the things she “deserves”. I’m a firm believer that you deserve the things you work for. For example, I’ve been playing the lotto bi-weekly for the last 3 years, but I don’t believe I “deserve” to hit the Power Ball because I play faithfully. I didn’t earn those millions, even if I set aside 10 dollars a week to buy a handful of tickets. Now, these Rock & Republic jeans hanging off my ass, I’m sure I “deserve” these. I sat my ass at work, earned the money, and bought these. I just finished seven 12 hour shifts back-to-back; Lord only knows what I’m going to buy with that check (prolly a small farm just for the hell or it), but nevertheless, whatever I buy… I “deserve” that shit. Now, when a chick that dropped out of hair school or Phoenix Online University and currently works as a cashier at Target says she “deserves” the finer things, I always feel the strong urge to say, “No Bitch, you ‘deserve’ to die.” The sad thing about it is, it’s not even her fault that she feels that way.

I blame you Simps

You ever drive past a dude washing and waxing a 93 Ford Escort? He’s cleaning the rims, putting Armorall on the tires, and even wiping the car dry so there won’t be any water spot residue left on the paint. His car damn sure isn’t a classic. If he tried to trade it in, the dealership would probably give him 50 bucks just to get it off the lot. He treats it like a Benz even if the bluebook value wouldn’t go half on a Benz rim. Simps apply this same sort of treatment to their women. Dear Simps, you’re fucking it up for the next guy; know this. You pamper these women who wouldn’t normally be exposed to that sort of treatment because the men in their league don’t behave in such a manner. You don’t buy Keisha from 3rd street Don Perignon Rosé when she’s used to drinking 4 Loko’s and Sutter Home Moscato. I don’t care if it’s her birthday; buy her 3 bottles of that d’asti Moscato. It will hold her over; I’m sure (because bitches love sparkling Moscato). You don’t take her to Morton’s. Nope not even during restaurant week. She’s been eating at restaurants with pictures on the menus and paper napkins all her life. If you feel like doing it big, let her add an extra side of shrimp.

Treating it a 4 like an 8

When you came along working your Simp magic, she forgot about the dudes before you: the dude that had her sneaking popcorn and sour patch kids into the movies because he wasn’t paying for movie tickets and snacks, and the dude that wouldn’t drive into the city to pick her up from work but would gladly meet her at the train station closest to his house. She was perfectly cool with those guys, and their actions were expectable, until you came along upping the ante. What you Simps never realize is that one day when your relationship (or whatever) falls off, she becomes the next man’s problem. It takes about 3 or 4 dudes to leave her on stuck before the reality finally catches up again. And even then, the little bit of confidence you gave her tends to shine through ever-so-slightly. Ain’t nothing like a mediocre bitch from Southeast, who a Simp took on vacation to Miami, coming back in town with Lamborghini dreams and beach house wishes.

JD won’t upgrade you

Before I come out the pocket for a meal or even a drink at the bar, I already need to know how you’re living. If she has been at the bar for the last two hours tossing back rail Long Island iced teas, I already know when she comes thru the crib, I need to have that Svedka on chill. If she’s a Forever 21 and Bakers shopper, I won’t even talk Louie and Gucci… wouldn’t want to give her any ideas. If her favorite restaurant is Friday’s, I’ll Jack Daniel’s wing her ass to death. She likes red Kool-Aid and Top Ramen? Shit, no problem; I’ll buy her a case of both. I’m not here to show her the finer things in life; she’s supposed to do that for her-damn-self. I’m here to offer some companionship, crack a few jokes, show her a good time, and toss in the occasional deep stroke. I won’t be doing anything for Ms. New Booty that she isn’t fully capable of and willing to do for herself. Know this.

Treating 8’s like 7’s since Benjamin’s had small faces.
Jean DeGrate has spoken