I felt like I’ve said this before or something to this effect. I ran through my old blogs for about 6 minutes and I didn’t find it. Granted, I have about 300 blogs and 6 minutes isn’t long enough to look for anything, but I quit all the same. Whatever I wrote, if I did ever write it, was probably dated and filled with typos.
Anyway...
Let’s get into it.
I think we date wrong and when I say "we" I mean ya’ll.
I think we don’t have fun (or at least as much fun as we should be having) with dating because we’re doing it wrong.
So like the title says, I think dating should be selfish but before we get into the selfish shit we should do an honest assessment of ourselves. Looking for potential people to date should be like buying a car. You’ll have to sacrifice some of the things you like and what’s based on where you’re at in life. If you want a Benz, you have to be able to support a Benz and the issues and maintenance that come along with it. You might really need a Toyota with low up keep and you can pretty much just put gas in it and drive. This car analogy applies more to the fellas and the lesbians that look like Mannie Fresh.
Now for the ladies, you have to know your worth and not that “I dated 5 lames so I deserve a guy in the NBA” bullshyt. I know women hate competition but it’s competition out there and it’s INTENSE. Trust and believe you’re not one of a kind and your kids are only a gift to you and it doesn’t matter how much you make because you aren’t paying for dinner on this date. So reel in your dreams of dating Idris Elba and come on down to Earth. I don’t think I need to do a step-by-step procedural write-up for any of you grown folks right? Right. But just in case you’re confused just remember these few hints:
A. Exceptions to the rule exist but you’re most likely not it chief.
B. Whoever you think you should be dating shave 3 points off of that unless you’re rich.
C. Ask yourself “would you date you” and answer honestly and why.
Now on to the selfish shit:
Once you have your REASONABLE criteria together it’s time to put your wants and needs first.
You got it together?
Good.
Let’s move on.
Compromise is for relationships.
Let me retool that statement. Real compromise is for REAL relationships. I know some of you people take shit extra literally and hop back on my line saying “well you said” shit. Basically don’t cut the new boo out just because they prefer drums over flats or they’ve never seen an episode of ‘Game of Thrones’. Now if you don’t want to date a man with kids then you totally shouldn’t date a man with kids. If you don’t want to date a man under 6 feet then don’t entertain a dude that’s 5’11. If you want to date one of these flat tummy tea body type women then keep that energy the whole way. Maybe you're about that 3some life but this new person is not with the shits then you have to walk on by. The only time you need to change your dating criteria is when your dating criteria is no longer working for you and/or your preferences have changed. The worse thing in dating is settling for something you didn’t really want then when it doesn’t panned out you feel like you wasted your time. In actuality, you played yourself. If you go out for chicken and come back with a hamburger but you don’t like the hamburger that’s all on you. (Side note - telling somebody that you don’t typically date someone like them is never a compliment no matter how dope you think you are.)
Don’t be afraid to let that shit go at the first sign of smoke.
I, and I’m pretty you have as well, have had some pretty amazing first dates. The chemistry was hitting on all cylinders. The vibe just felt like home and the person you barely knew seemed so in tune with you that it felt like you’ve known them all your life. One of the best dates I ever had started off all wrong. I picked her up and drove about 45 minutes away to Jillian’s (a Dave and Buster’s type of establishment but with a more adult theme). When I got to the door I realized I left my ID and the security wasn’t trying to take this $20 bribe. By the time I made it back home and grabbed my wallet Jillian’s was closing in an hour. We were both hungry and the only sit down eating place still open was IHOP. I don’t remember what we ate. We were both 100% sober. We had hours of dope conversation and made fun of people passing by, ‘Til this day that was longest amount of time I’ve ever spent in an eating establishment that didn’t have a game on. It was wonderful. Then she called my 26 times the next day in the span of 4 hours. The first 3 calls I was still sleep. The 4th call I took under the belief that it might be something pressing. It wasn’t. She just wanted to talk. I didn’t because I was still very much tired and told her I would hit her up later. Then 45 minutes later she was back to calling me. I answer the 2nd call. She asked me if I was up yet upon me saying “hello” and that she missed me. I knew in that moment that would be the last time I would ever heard her voice. I knew something that I didn’t know 12 hours prior… she was needy and it wasn’t a way around that. This was a drastic example but there are all types of things that pop up during dating that are cause to cut ties. People tend not to lead with worst traits so you have to witness it yourself and then hit that first exit ramp.
Don’t give love a chance.
I’m not a romantic but there are very few love stories that start out of mediocrity. If you and the person you’re dating are getting along just fine; everything is just ok, then chances are you’re at the peak of it all. I'm saying don't wait for love because love is not coming complacency is. You settle into good enough and talk yourself into to believing your in love. The magic isn’t just going to pop up and that’s ok because that's how dating goes. Remember “good enough” almost never turns into “great” unless they have that bag.
Put yourself first; your love life isn’t a charity.
Jean DeGrate has spoken
