Half woke

“Knowledge itself is power” - Sir Francis Bacon

When I was a kid G.I. Joe told me that knowing was half the battle. I’m not going to give Duke and Cobra Commander all the credit for my thirst for knowledge. I personally hate being wrong. I can’t stand it.  A huge part of not being wrong is knowing shit. So as I child I got about knowing shit. By the way I am a child of the 80’s; you know the pre-internet, pre-google and shit era. I read the newspaper. I read the encyclopedia. I read the dictionary; I mean I still can’t spell for shit but I know the meanings of words so when I tell you “words mean things” I’m eluding to the fact that you’re not saying what you think you’re saying. Anyway as time went on information was easier to obtain from reading books in the library, to looking up shit on Yahoo from the desktop, to googling shit on my smart phone. It’s way easier now to be in the know than it ever was before. I could say with absolute certainty we have the ability to be the most informed generation of all time. Unfortunately, that is not the case.

 

“There's proof in the very Bible you ask us to read, in Revelations, first chapter, verse fourteen and fifteen, that Jesus had hair like wool and feet the color of brass.” – Denzel Washington as Malcom X

Since 1992 this inaccurate quote has been haunting black people. I just thought I’d throw that in there right fast because this was the Book of Revelation Jesus (the end of everything Jesus) with hair as WHITE as wool and he also had eyes of fire.

 

I intended to write this blog during that whole “Slavery was choice” debacle but I got over it as I tend to do with 90%of this shit bouncing around in my head. (You’re so lucky I don’t even post a 3^rd of the shit I write up. It’s a lot.) Then I accidentally got myself in an argument about black ice cream. And I do mean by accident. I just knew that person couldn’t be serious. I just knew I was getting trolled. Here I was going back and forth about the ingredients of fucking ice cream and why vanilla ice cream was never black and couldn’t possibly be black. Forget the fact that vanilla beans go for about $200 per pound so the amount it would take to make two scoops of ice cream black would probably make it the same price as a porterhouse steak at Morton’s. Anyway it’s way too many people getting history lessons from memes and taking it on as fact.

 

Dumb woke.

 

See the problem with all the access to information there’s a lot of false information. Regrettably false information is so much more engaging than the truth because it’s made the fuck up and subsequently, spreads like wild fire. You know like that photo meme of 2 black men hanging from a tree as a mob of white people look up at them captioned “On July 4^th 1776”. The picture is real; it’s the lynching of Thomas Shipp and Abram Smith on August 7^th1930 in Marion, Indiana. Even if you didn’t know the exact setting or date or circumstances of the photo you should know that cameras didn’t exist 200 years ago. Nope. Clearly not because every year it’s on the timeline.

 

We lack the discipline to fact check the bullshit we share because it’s all so entertaining and thought provoking. I mean why not watch a 5 to 10 minute YouTube video summarizing 400 years of history because it’s filled with jaw dropping imagery and the narrator speaks ever so eloquently? Why not forward it to 25 of your friends because you’ve been newly awoken with this knowledge and you want them to be awaken too? Why not share an article to the timeline no matter what the news outlet knowing you’ve only read the headline? Who cares if it’s fake news? Who cares if the article is 4 years about a recall on Bush’s Baked Beans?

 

Do your research and stop being willfully ignorant

Jean DeGrate be knowing

What Really Grinds My Gears Volume: Whatever

I feel like I used to do this all the time but maybe I didn't I felt like I used to do a lot of shit all the time and it turns out I didn't. I’m awesome at talking about shit I don’t like. Way before Chief Keef became popular for telling folks what he doesn’t like in song I was doing it for free and telling anybody that would listen. I think I’m about to get back into it on a regular basis starting today. (Don’t hold me to that because next week I’ll be off this shiy and on to some other shit.)

 

1. Photoshopped Divas

First off bitch who you fooling? I’ve been feeling some kind of way about this for minute but I was throwing parties and I wanted your $20 so I let that shit live. At every event that shit used to burn me the fuck up. Joints would pull up me with heavily blemished skin, 20 to 60 lbs heavier and 3 shades darker off some “hi Jean I’m such and such” Whole time I’m like “no the fuck you not”. Seriously what’s the end game? People are going to see you in real life and shit is not going to add up. You were getting 8 treatment as a 5 and now people going to feel catfished. Especially you fucking “I love my flaws and all; don’t body shame me” chicks because you don’t even like you. (Gripe adjacent not wearing makeup is not an accomplishment; wearing natural hair is not an accomplishment.)

 

2. Celebrities with social media

I used to love Stacey Dash and then I discovered her on Twitter. (Why did God give this bitch internet access? I can’t even watch Clueless anymore.) I used to love Erykah Badu then I read her tweets. I used to love Kanye and now I wish they would have just kept his jaw wired shut. This information age is giving me way too much information and I don’t like it. Walt Disney was a wild bigot, anti-union and fair wages, but he didn’t have a Twitter account so we still love Mickey Mouse and take our kids to Disney world to spend a small fortune. Ignorance is bliss. Remember when that white lady told LeBron to shut up and play basketball? Of course you do it was kind of a big thing. I don’t want to be that lady but when I find out the people I admire because of their craft are trash people it ruins everything they are to me. Fortunately I will continue to illegally download Kanye’s music because he can’t a single stream out of me.

 

3. Your take on what celebrities should do

It might have been last month or two months ago but one of The Migos bought some random dude a Nissan Altima because of he pulled him out of his wrecked car. You idiots were going off. “An Altima? That’s it?” Should he had bought that man a Maybach? A random dude with no car at all? How is he going to insure that? Call up Lloyd’s of London? You idiots stay with the most input on what rich people should do. From how Ciara should parent baby Future to what Cardi B should be wearing on red carpets. How about you take all that energy and flip it into a part time job so you can pay off your Altima a little bit faster.

 

4. People that complain about what social media won’t let you post

Being on social media is like living in your parents’ house. It’s going to be some rules. Some of them you’re going to agree with because they make perfect sense. Some of them will be ridiculous. Some of them you will out right hate. So no matter how much time you spend on social media, how much influence you think you have, how many internet friends you make or how much money you make off of it you don’t ultimately control your content. You don’t own this platform so you can’t get upset about what you’re allowed to do. You want free reign build your own shit; until then shut the fuck up.

 

5. People that can’t land the plane

Every day I witness people jump into these halfcocked debates without a way to close it out because they haven’t got pass “well I don’t like it so it shouldn’t be a thing”. So I’m bouncing around YouTube this morning and somehow some fucking way I ended up on a video from “The Liberty Hound” titled “You are not oppressed Dave Rubin calmly destroys a crazed hyper-victim”. First off Dave Rubin is a gay sort of stand-up comedian but he is a liberal but really a republican. Yeah; I can’t explain this guy; you’ll just have to Google him. Anyway… this young lady hopped on the mic with all that millennial sass coming at Dave’s neck about the validity of hate speech. In her opening rant she was cooking. Like “Yes, bitch, yes”. Then Dave came back with his rebuttal that wasn’t necessarily brilliant but he asked her to give some examples of her oppression caused via hate speech and how the government could fix it and this bitch said “I have no reason to talk about my own oppression because that’s just like mental energy so unless I’m going to be paid”. From that moment on it all went downhill she was never ready to bring it home. She never fleshed out her own argument. She never got to the bottom of what she feels from hate speech and how that translates into a toxic environment and if it is or isn’t a worthy infringement on freedom of speech. I hate that shit so much.

 

I probably won’t do this again. Maybe. Possibly. I’m legit angry typing this.

Jean DeGrate has spoken

I’m Afraid of Some Shit

I used to be fearless. Not in that crazy way of fearlessness where I threw caution to the wind. Nah buddy. I definitely used to be way cooler and nothing could shake my cool. I sat Indian style eating a bowl of cereal watching the second plane crash into the World Trade Center thinking “Wow this is crazy”. I never felt like Osama Bin Laden was going to change the American way of life. Even when the DC Sniper was running around DC I kept it business as usual. Some 16 years later fear has found it’s way into my heart and I’m going to share a few things with you.

 

People that share extremely personal info on social media

“Everybody done turned their back on me in my time of need. I’m about to ride myself from now on. I just broke the windshield out of my baby father’s car and cut all his tires because his new bitch ain’t better than me.” “This child support got my check looking crazy. I’m about hit a move or go cop something for the quick flip.” Even reading this on my smart phone screen has me feeling some sort of way. Like don’t they know the feds watching? I don’t want to click like or comment because I don’t even want them to know I seen this. They out here baring their souls and rumbling with their demons in front of a bunch of strangers so I know without a shadow of doubt that they don’t give a fuck and they are about that smoke. I’m frightened.

 

White people holding cell phones

Wednesday I illegally parked and when I hoped out of my car there was a white man holding his cell phone making a call. Right then and phcking there my heart skipped 6 beats and I instantly envisioned returning to my car being surrounded by the police. I hoped back in my car and circled the block 4 times until I found a legit spot a whole block away. Funny thing is the parking wasn’t that illegal; the nose of my car was just about 10 inches beyond the “No Parking” sign and the white man wasn’t even looking at me he was just facing my general direction. Homie had me shook because when those white people call the law they pull up with extreme prejudice and I have zero desire to get searched, handcuffed, tazed or shot.

 

Ugly women with several kids

Let me define this a little better. If she’s ugly with 4 plus kids with 2 or more guys this is a clear indication that the pussy is flames. It’s like the first guy that decided to drink from a cows tittie was a wild boy and the second guy to go in was an even wild boy but clearly they were on to something because here we are centuries later with milk in every grocery store. Without actually sleeping with an ugly women with multiple children I’m assuming that the pussy will have you on stuck. How else can you explain why guys keep nutting in these ladies? This is a mystery I’m trying to steer clear of because curiosity might get the best of me.

 

Black people in MAGA hats

I understand white people in MAGA hats. I know they want to stay top dog in the USA and for 8 year Barack Obama threaten that (he really didn’t but the Tiki torch mafia felt some sort of way). Even if Barack was Umar Johnson he still couldn’t make a dent in the chokehold of white privilege. Now black people that have woken up black every day of their lives and have personally experienced injustice and discrimination due to racism and stereotypes choose to put a MAGA hat on top of their head. How are you so disillusioned? America was never great for people that look like you and you’re hoping to return it to its former glory? You sir are a scary motherfucker because you intentionally act against your better interest.

 

Short guys with facial tattoos

First off I’m talking about actually short guys not this “if you’re a man under 6 feet” bullshit. I’m talking about these 5’6 and under dudes. Being a short guy has a lot of disadvantages and adding facial tattoos to that leads me to believe you’re the type of guy that throws caution to the wind and faces all adversities head on. Like if I’m ever in a verbal confrontation with a tattoo faced short guy I’m just going to throw these hands off top. I’m not taking any chances. I’ll sort it out when the dust clears. 

 

People that ride around in 90 degree plus weather with the windows down

Look here I don’t give a fuck how fast you drive 90 degrees is 90 degrees and you’re just getting beat in the face by fast hot ass wind. You probably don’t even have car insurance. You probably stink. You probably have 6 payday advance loans out right now. Your cable is probably in your mother’s name. You probably put 87 octane gas in your car even though it requires 93. I don’t trust you and you scare me.

 

I’m afraid

Jean DeGrate has spoken