Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Why it Sucks to Be Single on Valentine's Day if you're a Girl

It's that time of year when happy couples (and even not so happy couples pretend to be happy) get a little bit closer in the celebration of Valentine's Day. Men will spend money in excess on flowers that will be dead in a week, overpriced meals, chocolate and heart shaped jewelry straight from Kay Jewelers. In return he'll receive the same old pussy he's been receiving only this time it will be dressed in new lingerie, but the object of his affection will know for sure that she is loved. For those women that find themselves boo-less on Valentine's Day, love will be in the air and on every social network reminding you of the plight of your singleness.

Roses on your co-workers desk
Nothing will ever make you feel lonelier than that delivery man running zig-zag patterns thru your office dropping off flowers and candy to your fellow female co-workers. Man that shit got to burn; I don't care how "single by choice" you think you are. The lack of male suitors even making an attempt to woo you on the most romantic day of the year is a clear declaration of how unwanted you actually are. Not a whole lot of validity in those IG likes and thirsty DM's when slew footed Keisha got a dozen white roses sitting on her desk.

Your child and your mom are your only valentines
Tomorrow morning your child is going to cut a heart out of construction paper cover it in glue and glitter then write "To Mommy" on it. This will be the highlight of your day. Not because your child loves you (you clothe and feed them the least they can offer in return is love) but because you know nothing else is coming. Your mother giving you that box of chocolates and a card is just because she knows you're lonely. You know without a shadow of a doubt nobody is checking for you boo.

Your old boo got a new boo
You know for a fact you're old dude has a new girl because you stalk her on Instagram. You've seen all their pictures together. You've seen the sweet text messages he sent her. You've even seen the Christmas presents. Today you wish you hadn't seen any of that, but just like a bad car accident you can't look away so you'll be checking her FB, Twitter and Instagram every hour on the hour to see what grand gesture of his love he provided for her. It doesn't matter if he bought you a Gucci bag when you were together and he bought her a Coach bag because tonight that Gucci bag won't keep you from being alone.

You're bitter
It's something about the open displays of love and happiness that cause people to dig into the darkness of their hearts to try and shit on every ones joy because they aren't feeling the love. Tomorrow that might be you. You don't want to be a hater but you can't help yourself. You'll throw out the classic lines like "You should show somebody you love them every day" and "It's a made up commercial holiday". You wouldn't feel that way if you knew you were getting roses tomorrow though.

Send yourself some flowers then post it IG we won't know your him doesn't exist
Jean DeGrate has spoken

2 comments:

  1. I hate how right you are! I'll be able to season a bag of popcorn tomorrow. Ah well... Next year?

    Keep posting, bro!

    <3 THEBOBBYPEN.COM

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