We Might Not Make it if...

It’s been a while since I did one of these funny lists and this is just a clever way to tie in some of my criteria of the opposite sex.

We might not make it if you ask for one of my shirts to sleep in, and the moment you put it on you get to gasping for air and turning blue. Sorry, I can’t fuck with them big body chicks.

We might not make it if we’re out on the first date, and I notice your arms are bigger than mine. Can’t deal with a chick with them huge arms, especially those big flabby biker arms.

We might not make it if you can name all of the Real Housewives of Atlanta, but you can’t name the 3 branches of government.

We might not make it if you don’t take pride in your appearance. I can’t be walking thru Target with a chick rocking a shower cap and flip flops; I don’t care what time of day it is.

We might not make it if any of your kid’(s) father(s) are found out via blood test because you were fucking way too many dudes raw at one time. You’re taking too many chances with that pussy for my liking.

We might not make it if you use coon shorthand in your text messages i.e. “I mizz u w3 c@n go out 2nite”

We might not make it if you put your children on the phone to talk to me. First, I called to talk to you, and second, I’m sure your 2 year old can recite the alphabet flawlessly, but I’m not interested in that shit in the slightest.

We might not make it if you got a tattoo on your face. I know that tattooing the entirety of your body is the in thing, but that facial tat is a super deal breaker for me.

We might not make it if you got two or more kids by ain’t shit niggas. It’s obvious that you’re used to less, and I don’t want any part of that life.

We might not make it if our relationship is based on how things are going with your ex who is currently in jail for smacking you out. Can’t date a bitch that’s down for the beat down; me and Ike Turner share no relation. On second thought I can’t date a chick waiting for a nigga in jail.

Couldn’t think of a clever closing line so…
Jean DeGrate has spoken