Conditional Pussy

Everyday, the temperature creeps up a little bit the more, the sun stays out a little bit longer, and some women roam the streets wearing clothes that leave little to the imagination. Yes, ladies and gentleman: spring is upon us, and with that comes a solid reminder that it’s time for many seasonal pussy owners to get ready for their summertime hibernation. “What is seasonal pussy?” you may ask. I’ll get into that next, along with other types of conditional pussy.

Seasonal Pussy
Some woman conveniently become celibate during certain times of the year, and it’s not because they can’t get a nigga. They just can’t get a nigga to fit into their normal criteria. Mainly because the dudes they would normally be involved with are out chasing anything but them. A somewhat fat and/or mildly unattractive female with her own place and/or car and one or no kids makes for excellent late fall – early spring pussy, simply because nobody is making major moves during the bad weather months. So you really don’t have to be seen with her, but all the same, her house is the chill spot where a dude can spend 4 to 5 months eating up her groceries and watching her cable. All that in-the-house chilling is probably how she got the first kid. Now, on the other hand, the cute hood unemployed baby mother makes excellent late spring – early fall pussy. She can’t really go out unless her oldest child is old enough to babysit (this is rarity). She has tons of free time. If today is the day you decide to play hooky from work, she’s definitely the one to spend it with. She’s down to fuck and just simply happy to be spending time away from her kids and her other baby momma ass homies.

Dot Com Pussy
You’re the chick with all the jazzy half naked bathroom pics. Yeah, a nigga’s gonna holla. When you look like you’ll come off that pussy after the slightest twitter DM, why not take a shot? But, he doesn’t take you seriously. Can you imagine the conversation with his child about how he met you? “Well son, your mother had an iPhone and a fixation for taking barely clothed pictures in the bathroom. You couldn’t beat the resolution on the iPhone back then. It was so clear. I felt like I knew her. A lot of other guys were trying their hand, but she chose me (and maybe your Uncle Bobby, but I never got to the bottom up that)” You’re pretty much like a short term jump off. Even if on the rare occasion you get dinner and a movie, it’s only considered a necessary evil… all with one goal of getting in them cheeks.

Throw Back Pussy
Your birthday was within the last 30 days and it popped up on his FB notifications or he ran into you at Costco last Sunday and you were way phatter than he previously noticed or he saw you at a Cinco de Mayo happy hour and started flirting again. Yeah, you get the point. Somehow someway, you pop up, and the thought of sampling that pussy again doesn’t seem like a bad idea. No future is in store for you two… just some drinks, some laughs, a meal, and hopefully some sex. Please don’t look too far into that random text from Mr. Yesterday.

Luther Vandross “If Only for One Night” Pussy
Not to be confused with the common term “one night stand pussy”. “Only for one night pussy” normally comes via dire circumstances. Some prime examples are…
1. Taking one for the team pussy - because sometimes the wingman has to go all the way with the “Grenade” in order for his friend to cross the finish line.
2. Binge drinking pussy - Somewhere between your 5th and 17th drink, your standards dropped way lower than usual. In turn, you ended up sticking your dick in a girl that you’d be ashamed to be seen with even in the presence of crackheads.
3. I thought you were better looking in all that shit you had on pussy - you body magic owners, pushup bra wearers, booty pop pretenders, or if liquor and club lights just make you look like a star… this goes out to you. We got you home. We got you naked. It was nowhere near what we expected so after the deed was done, we walked out your door and immediately deleted your number.
All these types of pussy fall under that “if only for one night” pussy.

Are you the owner of conditional pussy?
Jean DeGrate has spoken