You know some of us know you real life right?

Welcome to the wonderful World Wide Web. Yep, the internet is the place where you can be whoever you choose to be unless, of course, your actual friends are watching. And, chances are your friends are watching. Luckily, for me, I am a douchebag pretty much all of the fucking time; so my online and offline personas match up. Yeah… me… JD on and off the net. But, day in and day out, I see people blogging, tweeting, and putting shit up on FaceBook that doesn’t remotely reflect the life they are currently living.
 
First off… relationship shit
Men often save all of their relationship criteria for face to face conversations, first dates, and thirsty Twitter direct messages. Unfortunately, women rarely take that route. The list of your requirements is fucking mind blowing. If I didn’t know you had kids by a dead beat (yea, multiple by the same dead beat) and lived in the trap struggling to pay rent, you could have possibly fooled me. Possibly… I see you out there speaking of 5 star dinner dates and only accepting the best, but I fed some of you carry out and fucked you on an air mattress. I’m not that smooth or special; so you have to be putting on a façade for the good people in dot com land, right? Not to mention how many of you women complain about “ain’t shit” niggas and but ya’ll ain’t shit in real life.
 
Everybody is paid?
I know scores of broke people. Not that “I make less than $40k” broke but that real “struggle life” broke. Unpaid tickets so you avoid street parking at all cost, water for lunch, loan me 20 bucks until NEXT NEXT Friday, they cut your Boost mobile off, kids eating cereal for dinner… struggle life. Somehow these broke people (some of them currently owe me money) speak of smoking loud every day, buying expensive sneakers, taking vacations, and all types of lavish shit that should be reserved for the Jay-Z’s and Lebron’s of the world. Somehow, these check-to-check, rapid refund recipients are living the lifestyle of the rich and famous, but they just got the final cut off notice from the electric company. Stop it kid.
 
You’re good person?
For some strange reason, the internet brings out either your inner saint or your inner douchebag. Most people prefer the saintly route; so I’m going to focus on that. Not only do I know a lot of broke people, I also know a shitload of bad people. Not all of them are so bad that they deserve let’s say… life in prison, but these are definitely the people you wouldn’t want babysitting your kids. Somehow, the magic of FaceBook and Twitter turns these sluts, drug dealers, con men, gangsters, players and other disreputable people into preachers, physiologist, relationship gurus, and just overall saintly people. Cheaters looking for true everlasting love (but, never forget you smashed the homies). Women that have killed more unborn children than they have jobs on their resume are publicly mourning the death of Whitney Houston while speaking out on folks defaming her reputation. Did you mourn those babies though?
 
On that next fraudulent tweet just remember some us really know you
Jean DeGrate has spoken