Monday, February 27, 2012

Five Subtle Hints that You’ve Stumbled into the Friend Zone

Noticing the exact moment of when you stumble into the friend zone can be tricky, and by “tricky” I mean “almost fucking impossible”. You want to give her the benefit of the doubt and think that everything is on track. If you haven’t gotten the cheeks yet, the secret optimist in you is saying, “she’s just taking it slow,” even if it’s clearly not the case. So here are a few subtle hints that may tip you off if going home sexless after a $200 date just isn’t enough for you.

She won’t kiss you
Never forget… kissing leads to fucking. And, most chicks know that so some don’t kiss on the first, second, or third dates just to keep things at a respectable pace. Some girls say they don’t like to kiss at all. 98% of the time, that’s a lie; chicks love playing kissy face. If she’s digging you then she will eventually appease you with one. So you two have been getting up and hanging out for over a month, and you still can’t get a kiss out of her… Well, my friend, you’re about 6 church hugs into the friend zone. 

She asks you for random favors
She wants you to come over Sunday morning and hook up her surround sound. She asked if you could drop something to eat pass her office because she’s too busy to take a lunch today. She really wants you to ride with her to IKEA because you’re a man, and you should be able to lift heavy shit. She asks you to do silly shit like stop in and feed her cat while she’s in Miami or pick her up from work everyday this week since her car is in the shop mainly because you haven’t gotten all rapey on her, and she sees the simp in you. 

She always refers to you by your government name
Women love pet names. After about two outings, she should be referring to you as “Babe”, “Sweetie”, “Honey”, or something other than Greg. If she always refers to you as Greg, you’re never getting those cheeks. “Oh, I’m good, but how was your day GREG?” 

She ends sentences with “…doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you”
When you do nice things for women that actually like you, she’ll never end a sentence with “…doesn’t mean I’m going to have sex with you.” But, when she does end a sentence that way, it means even if you serenaded her every night singing her favorite love song in perfect pitch and filled her house with red roses, you still wouldn’t get the pussy. It also means, “I’ll keep getting these free meals and dates off you until you get rapey or super annoying.” 

She’s never been to your house
Any woman that’s even considering taking this infant-like relationship any further will want to know how you’re living. After you get a few dates under your belt and you ask her to come over and “chill”, she should be down even if she ain’t fucking. The girl that doesn’t want to give you the pussy at all will opt for another outing saying something like “if I wanted to stay in the house I could just stay in mine” or “I don’t feel like being cooped up in the house”. That woman is also a professional dater; her goal is probably more free meals.

If any of these apply to you, dip or get rapey but you’re not getting the cheeks, son.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

1 comment:

  1. Lmfao @ "get rapey"....guys getting "rapey" is never a good idea.

    ReplyDelete