Are You the Only One in Love?

 “And, I hear your words that I made up. You say my name like there could be an “us”. I best tidy up my head. I'm the only one in love. I'm the only one in love” - Adele 

Ok, “love” is a strong word and gets thrown around rather recklessly. I love lamp. See what I just did? I don’t give two fucks about lamp, but you see how easy it was for me to express my false love for it. So let’s go with “like”; yeah “like” works much better for me. Are you the only one in “like”? 

Okay I'm putting on my serious face now.

And I hear your words that I made up…
In the last 45 days or so a slew of women have made it more than clear that they believed they were in the frontrunner position for a possible relationship with me. “Whoa there, how ever did you come to that assumption, ma’am?” I didn’t actually ask that, but I thought it. I also thought… “When did I give her, her, and her the idea that they were up next?” Could it have been the all those in-the-house, after-dark dates? Maybe that once a week 15 minute check-in phone call really had her thinking I was giving it my all. No, it wasn’t any of that because I know what I said. I didn’t sell her any dreams; I only wanted to chill. And, by “chill”, I mean hang out and get the cheeks from time to time. Then, it hit me that women hear what they want to hear (cues Adele “And I hear your words that I made up”) literally. 

Do you justify his signs of low interest?
I’m a douche bag. My mother knows I’m a douche bag. Even my 4-year-old daughter knows I’m a douche bag. But, I’m genuine. If I fuck with you, there isn’t any guesswork. I don’t hide my feelings under my douche bag ways. You’ll never have to say, “I know Jean really likes me, but it’s hard to tell because he’s such a douche bag and doesn’t know how to express himself.” But, you might find yourself saying something like that if I don’t really like you. This rule is interchangeable with any dude. You really should be pretty clear on how a guy feels about you if he actually likes you beyond sticking his penis in you. If you feel the need to ask him what he thinks of you, and he replies, “You’re cool” please know that if you died tomorrow, you’d get half a fuck and a “Rest in Peace” tweet. No additional fucks shall be given. We don’t talk on the phone because he prefers to text. Bullshit; he just doesn’t care to talk to you. We don’t go out because he’s broke. Bullshit; my 11-year-old cousin can scrape up 30 bucks for a movie. We don’t get together that much because he’s busy. Bullshit; I know a nigga with 2 jobs, 2 kids, and a wife at home, but he still finds time to cheat so please know that if a dude is interested he can find time to get up with you. 

But you keep hanging around
Despite being on that express train to nowhere with no signs of any growth in the relationship, you’ll stick around hoping for an upgrade. Yeah, it’s not coming. Almost every guy I know, myself included, will let a chick linger around as long as she is cool enough to keep letting us smash and play that non-girlfriend role. That will continue until we…A. Find a chick we’re really interested inB. That pussy gets old to us (and that happens much more often than any of you women will like to admit) or…C. You get hip and leave on your own.Pretty much, 3 weeks after the first time you have sex you should be able to tell what direction things are heading in if they are heading anywhere at all. 

So are you the only one in love?
Jean DeGrate has spoken