Once upon a time long long ago it was common practice for a man to wine and dine a female during courtship. A man would meet a lady he was interested in and spending money on her was the only way he could prove he could provide for her. Why is that you ask? Because women didn’t have jobs or at least real jobs (nobody is retiring from the make-up counter at Macy’s or selling Avon). When it was time to get engaged the man would go to her father to ask for her hand in marriage and he would then again have to prove he could provide a suitable lifestyle for his daughter. If the father agreed to allow this man to marry his daughter he would pay for the wedding because that young man was taking a bill off of his hands. He no longer had to take care of his daughter so the least he could is foot the bill for the wedding. That was the primary practice up until the late 50’s early 60’s; shit was real story book like.
When marriage kicked off a man could expect his breakfast to be cooked and on the table when he woke up in the morning and dinner in the same place when he came home from work. Everyday he came home to a clean house with washed and ironed clothes; house smelling like lemon Pledge and shit. Outside of washing the car, throwing out the trash, mowing the lawn and occasionally changing a light bulb home life was sweet. During the work week he would do what he had to do keep clothes on their back, the lights on and the mortgage/rent paid. Now if the wife wanted a night on the town yeah he’d pay that because he was the only one making real money. She wanted to pick a few things up from the mall or maybe catch up with some of the girls and hit a bar she had to reach into his wallet to get that accomplished because he was the bread winner.
Now let’s fast forward to today
When all these independent women or at least a shit load you claiming to be (that’s still under investigation) are handling their own and got their own but keep reaching out for more. I personally love women and don’t have the slightest problem with going out getting a few drinks, maybe a meal and finishing it off with a flick and I’ll say “baby I got this please don’t reach for your wallet” I wouldn’t even allow her to do such a thing. If we out enjoying each other company and I’m dropping some cash while we out painting the town red it’s all good and no other stand up man should have any issues with this. Later on down the line women start sentences that begin with “You should buy me”, “I want that” or “I need this” yeah I get chills down my spine when I even think of it. Does that mean because you open legs I should open my wallet? Does that mean because we spent some time together I should spend some cash on you? I’m confused here; that doesn’t sound like a fair exchange.
Let’s try something different
You need your nails done; hey I need my laundry done. When you come to pick up the money for them nails you can pick up these clothes toppling out of my hamper. You need your hair done; I need dinner cooked for me a couple times this week and I’m thinking steak and homemade mash potatoes for starters. You need clothes, purses, money to party and such; how about I give you a key to my spot and you wash my dishes, sweep and mop my floors, fold my clothes, clean my bathroom and do my grocery shopping for a while (I’m running low on paper towels and I left the Sunday paper sitting on the kitchen counter please use those coupons). If you want me to be your Suga Daddy I want you to be my maid.
It’s nothing wrong with doing something nice for the woman in your life every now and then and I’m not talking about Ms New Booty I’m talking about your girl/wife (don’t be an Air McNair). But wasn’t your girl getting her hair and nails done before you so how did that become your responsibility? Wasn’t she fully dressed with a closet full of clothes before you came around? I can see if she was off that Eddie Murphy butt-naked with bone in her nose riding a zebra rocking an afro, then you came along got her a perm and some gear yeah then it’s only right that she look to you for more.
Let’s put the shoe on the other foot since we both work
Let me ask for money to get my hair done. I got locs and like to keep them looking good and they hitting for 70 at the shop.
Let me ask for money to get my nails done. Shit a manicure every now and then can help keep my hands soft when I put them on you baby. You don’t want me rubbing your back with no hard rough hands do you?
Jolly and Fatz trying to hit the club tonight and they want me to go; let me get a few bucks so I can party too. Goose and cranberry 12 at the bar I'm going to need at least 3 of those and it 20 to get in.
Baby it’s a pair of Evisu’s I been eyeing for some time now and I was wondering could you get that for me. You want me to look good right?
You know the answers to these questions? “Hell no nigga you must be high” followed up by some laughter. You’d be hard press to find a chick to give a grown man the option to do a load of laundry to get some club money.
What’s the reasoning behind this?
It’s a combination of two things... A. It’s a gang of dudes that lack enough character and charm (swag) to win the affections of the females they desire without breaking the bank and B. Folks been selling them the dream all their life that it’s the man’s place just to pay for shit. So now it’s like when a dude gets a shot of ass it’s like he owe something for it. I guess nobody came and said when Affirmative Action started and the Equal Pay Act of 1963 kicked in some of the cash dudes were tossing around might slow up some. What I really want to know is when does this independence shit kick in and if ya’ll so independent why your hands always out? Shit girl you grown go head and get your own.
JD is going to stay single I don’t need no more bills
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Tuesday, June 16, 2009
What Really Grinds My Gears Vol. IV
Broke by choice people
I work with a gang of broke by choice people that complain about being broke all the time. I got these lottery playing “if I hit I'm going to do this and that” firing off vacation days because it raining type of folks. You want money bring your ass to work you want more money do some OT or shut the fuck up.
The Maury show
Really folks, ya’ll aint tired of embarrassing yourselves yet? Ok you a hoe and you don’t who your baby daddy is you can A. drag your happy ass down to the court building and have them subpoena the likely parties for blood test or B. give Maury a call have him fly those same dudes out so you can take a chance at getting your ass embarrassed on daytime TV. Everybody in your neighborhood already know you hoe why not shame your children, your family and yourself some more by letting the world know all while playing “are you the daddy?” “My momma saw your momma on the Maury show and she say they couldn’t find your daddy.”
Judge TV
Ok your next door neighbor’s bad ass son stole the car for the night ended up running over two of your trash cans and denting up your brand new Ford Focus. Instead of reporting it to your insurance or taking these people to small claims court you decide to go Judge Joe Brown/Judy/Hatchet for your chance to be on TV. Besides that fact that they seem bias as hell out the gate, talk folks like children and do everything short of telling you “SHUT THE FUCK UP” when you’re trying to make a point; this ain’t real court. I need to know what’s stopping people from saying “Fuck what you saying I ain’t doing shit like that. Kiss my ass your honor.”
Miracle Drug Commercials that just might do more harm than good
Turn on any network channel for 45 minutes to an hour and you are sure to see a commercial selling you a medicine for everything from erectile dysfunction, birth control that completely does away with your period, depression, herpes, bladder control, to just about anything. Now days if you have a problem pharmaceutical companies can cure for it; well more like a temporary fix. I mean how else can they keep getting your money? Once you get pass the people riding bikes, going on picnics, walking on beaches and varied assortment of dumb shit (what does any of that have to do with erectile dysfunction your guess is as good as mine) they run thru a list of side effects that go a little like this...
“Side effects include
Headaches
Nausea
Blurred vision
High blood pressure
A sudden loss of hearing
Temporary vision loss
Prolonged painful erection”
So just imagine being nauseous blind and deaf with a painful hard dick I think I’ll just wait for Mother Nature to kick in and take my chances with a limp dick. I might not get any pussy but I still hear and see.
What Really Grinds My Gears V maybe on the way but for now...
Jean DeGrate has spoken
I work with a gang of broke by choice people that complain about being broke all the time. I got these lottery playing “if I hit I'm going to do this and that” firing off vacation days because it raining type of folks. You want money bring your ass to work you want more money do some OT or shut the fuck up.
The Maury show
Really folks, ya’ll aint tired of embarrassing yourselves yet? Ok you a hoe and you don’t who your baby daddy is you can A. drag your happy ass down to the court building and have them subpoena the likely parties for blood test or B. give Maury a call have him fly those same dudes out so you can take a chance at getting your ass embarrassed on daytime TV. Everybody in your neighborhood already know you hoe why not shame your children, your family and yourself some more by letting the world know all while playing “are you the daddy?” “My momma saw your momma on the Maury show and she say they couldn’t find your daddy.”
Judge TV
Ok your next door neighbor’s bad ass son stole the car for the night ended up running over two of your trash cans and denting up your brand new Ford Focus. Instead of reporting it to your insurance or taking these people to small claims court you decide to go Judge Joe Brown/Judy/Hatchet for your chance to be on TV. Besides that fact that they seem bias as hell out the gate, talk folks like children and do everything short of telling you “SHUT THE FUCK UP” when you’re trying to make a point; this ain’t real court. I need to know what’s stopping people from saying “Fuck what you saying I ain’t doing shit like that. Kiss my ass your honor.”
Miracle Drug Commercials that just might do more harm than good
Turn on any network channel for 45 minutes to an hour and you are sure to see a commercial selling you a medicine for everything from erectile dysfunction, birth control that completely does away with your period, depression, herpes, bladder control, to just about anything. Now days if you have a problem pharmaceutical companies can cure for it; well more like a temporary fix. I mean how else can they keep getting your money? Once you get pass the people riding bikes, going on picnics, walking on beaches and varied assortment of dumb shit (what does any of that have to do with erectile dysfunction your guess is as good as mine) they run thru a list of side effects that go a little like this...
“Side effects include
Headaches
Nausea
Blurred vision
High blood pressure
A sudden loss of hearing
Temporary vision loss
Prolonged painful erection”
So just imagine being nauseous blind and deaf with a painful hard dick I think I’ll just wait for Mother Nature to kick in and take my chances with a limp dick. I might not get any pussy but I still hear and see.
What Really Grinds My Gears V maybe on the way but for now...
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Monday, June 15, 2009
Just Random
If I ever hit any girl 200lbs or better I’m going to just consider that a ménage
I hit a girl that was like 105 before so if hit a girl 200 or better that would be like 2 of her I need extra credit for that; ménage for JD
I don’t Twit
It’s just something about only having 140 characters to get my point across and I don’t like the term followers. I’m Jean DeGrate don’t follow me you might end up in somebody else’s girlfriend.
Facebook will get you late
It’s a notification for everything; you comment on a status a picture or anything every one of your homies will know that instant. Get tagged in a photo and all you’re homies will know. I’m just waiting for a married dude “away on business” to get tagged walking into a hotel with his mistress in the back drop of somebody else’s photo. It will be the first Facebook related homicide.
Broke people are always busy
I swear on everything I love I know a gang of broke people and every single one of them got a full fucking schedule. I’ll call these folks up when I got a free moment because I work 25/8 and they got tons of shit to do. These folks are at the movies, visiting old friends, taking trips you’d think they were on summer vacation. If you ain’t busy getting money what the fuck are you doing?
Fly ass homeless people
Everyday rain or shine I see two homeless men when I hop off at Silver Spring station. They got the good electric wheelchairs and always wearing different shit. I hadn’t really noticed it until one of these cats had the balls to wear an all white outfit and it was crisp. These dudes only bum Monday - Friday and during business hours. How the fuck can you do this selective bumming and where they plugging these chairs up at?
Peek - A - Boo stomach
It’s warm out and the stomachs are starting to show but it’s something about a girl that’s has slither of that flat smooth stomach that is just super sexy. So ladies if you got a nice shape with a flat stomach (not that raisin belly) go head and put on that T-shirt on that barely touches the top of your jeans JD will be watching.
Aigh I’m done talk shit thanx for reading
Jean DeGrate has spoken
I hit a girl that was like 105 before so if hit a girl 200 or better that would be like 2 of her I need extra credit for that; ménage for JD
I don’t Twit
It’s just something about only having 140 characters to get my point across and I don’t like the term followers. I’m Jean DeGrate don’t follow me you might end up in somebody else’s girlfriend.
Facebook will get you late
It’s a notification for everything; you comment on a status a picture or anything every one of your homies will know that instant. Get tagged in a photo and all you’re homies will know. I’m just waiting for a married dude “away on business” to get tagged walking into a hotel with his mistress in the back drop of somebody else’s photo. It will be the first Facebook related homicide.
Broke people are always busy
I swear on everything I love I know a gang of broke people and every single one of them got a full fucking schedule. I’ll call these folks up when I got a free moment because I work 25/8 and they got tons of shit to do. These folks are at the movies, visiting old friends, taking trips you’d think they were on summer vacation. If you ain’t busy getting money what the fuck are you doing?
Fly ass homeless people
Everyday rain or shine I see two homeless men when I hop off at Silver Spring station. They got the good electric wheelchairs and always wearing different shit. I hadn’t really noticed it until one of these cats had the balls to wear an all white outfit and it was crisp. These dudes only bum Monday - Friday and during business hours. How the fuck can you do this selective bumming and where they plugging these chairs up at?
Peek - A - Boo stomach
It’s warm out and the stomachs are starting to show but it’s something about a girl that’s has slither of that flat smooth stomach that is just super sexy. So ladies if you got a nice shape with a flat stomach (not that raisin belly) go head and put on that T-shirt on that barely touches the top of your jeans JD will be watching.
Aigh I’m done talk shit thanx for reading
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Tuesday, May 5, 2009
I don’t chop the box
Okay I’m 29 now and I can clearly see 30 from here so it’s safe to assume I’m pretty stuck in my ways. Over the years there have been a few things I said I’d never do and went against the grain like eating broccoli, smoking weed, kissing a girl after she gave me slight, or driving a stolen car and I got past all that shit, but I never got pass eating pussy.
So without further ado here’s my list of why I don’t chop the box
1. Somebody’s penis was in there.
If somebody stuck their dick in my favorite cup there wouldn’t be enough soap, bleach, or disinfectant in the world to make think it’s safe to drink from it ever again. So why the fuck would I put my mouth on something that’s only getting regular soap. Shit Dove won’t make that pussy squeaky clean.
2. The Period
No explanation just fucking disgusting.
3. The secretion
I’ve hit chicks that were so wet my balls were dripping. They leave wet spots on the sheets and some more shit. If I put my face in that it would be like drinking a 20oz soda and I’d come up looking like a glazed donut; not a good look so I’ll pass.
4. I don’t like the look of it
I often have sex with the lights on so I know exactly what a vagina looks like. Matter of fact I don’t know how it got the nickname “pussy” because it don’t look shit like a cat. To be perfectly honest on looks alone a vagina is not something I want in my mouth. To this date I’ve never seen a pussy that made me say “Oh man I got to put my mouth on that”.
5. I don’t think it would taste good
In my entire life every time I thought something look nasty you better believe I was dead on. Brussels sprouts; horrible, lima beans; awful, liver; the worst, but every time I knew this was going to be bad grown-ups push me into eating it just to reaffirm my faith in my own prejudice. I have girls tell me they taste like strawberries and peaches and smell like roses; I’m an intelligent man so I know that bull shit. You know what tastes like strawberries and peaches? That’s right strawberries and peaches.
Sorry ladies I can’t eat nothing that can get up and walk away
Jean DeGrate has spoken
So without further ado here’s my list of why I don’t chop the box
1. Somebody’s penis was in there.
If somebody stuck their dick in my favorite cup there wouldn’t be enough soap, bleach, or disinfectant in the world to make think it’s safe to drink from it ever again. So why the fuck would I put my mouth on something that’s only getting regular soap. Shit Dove won’t make that pussy squeaky clean.
2. The Period
No explanation just fucking disgusting.
3. The secretion
I’ve hit chicks that were so wet my balls were dripping. They leave wet spots on the sheets and some more shit. If I put my face in that it would be like drinking a 20oz soda and I’d come up looking like a glazed donut; not a good look so I’ll pass.
4. I don’t like the look of it
I often have sex with the lights on so I know exactly what a vagina looks like. Matter of fact I don’t know how it got the nickname “pussy” because it don’t look shit like a cat. To be perfectly honest on looks alone a vagina is not something I want in my mouth. To this date I’ve never seen a pussy that made me say “Oh man I got to put my mouth on that”.
5. I don’t think it would taste good
In my entire life every time I thought something look nasty you better believe I was dead on. Brussels sprouts; horrible, lima beans; awful, liver; the worst, but every time I knew this was going to be bad grown-ups push me into eating it just to reaffirm my faith in my own prejudice. I have girls tell me they taste like strawberries and peaches and smell like roses; I’m an intelligent man so I know that bull shit. You know what tastes like strawberries and peaches? That’s right strawberries and peaches.
Sorry ladies I can’t eat nothing that can get up and walk away
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Friday, May 1, 2009
You Knew He Wasn’t Shit
Men just like women feel the spoils of dealing with a person who isn't of the greatest quality but mostly women are the ones left worst off
Women kill me when they start having kids and/or fucking up there lives by dealing with these ain't shit type dudes and then acted surprised when things fall apart. I used to have all this sympathy for these women. I used to make all these excuses like "well you know she's raising those kids by herself" or "She got it hard because she got a place with this dude and he just rolled". Yeah I'm so over that shit most of these chicks did it to themselves.
People are just like cars and it doesn't take 6 months to find out you're driving a lemon
I've dealt with more than my fair share of women in full knowledge that it will never go beyond the little fling that we have going on. There will be no weekend get a ways or flowers to the job or Christmas gifts exchanged; because I already know that she's not the material to bun up with so no matter how much fun we have or how good the sex is I'll never fool myself into believing it can be something more. I know that she can't boil water let alone cook. I know that her credit is so bad that she couldn't get a car from Eastern Motors. I know that she went to Vegas for the All-Star game but her story of what took place is real vague. Just as she should know that he's one strike away from doing 20 with and L. She should know that he spends more money on weed in a month than he does on his rent. She should know that his other kid(s) haven't received any child support in lord knows how long but he buys a fresh pair of Nike's every week.
They say love is blind but common sense has 20/20 vision
People often say you can't choose the one you love but I'd like to think we as people of free mind and body have a saying in who will fuck up our lives. At what point does love say "Hey let him/her charge up bullshit on your credit card that neither of you can afford" or "Baby we don't need to use a condom" or "I want you to stay with me and move out of your mother house"? Was there not a glimpse of what this person could do to your life if allowed? I understand it's not always as clear cut as James from 3rd street that sold coke all his life but nevertheless he has 4 kids and 3 baby mothers. Sometime the dude appears to be a good dude when you first meet him, the first date, the first month all seems good. After time his representative starts to fade he doesn't open car doors anymore, you had a argument and he balled up his fist as if he was going to hit you, he doesn't call you like he used to and you're always calling him, or maybe he just isn't as affectionate as he once was. Now I'm not saying these things are deal breaker if you're cool with it do you, but it should toss up a warning flag or two dissuading you from going any further.
Truth is changes always arise in relationships but is this dude you met last week, last, month, or last season is he still the same dude today.
Whether it is yes or no do you want to have his kids with this dude, live with this dude, or even marry this dude? Or is it just a fling just for fun?
Don't turn 3 good dates into a relationship that will ruin your life
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Women kill me when they start having kids and/or fucking up there lives by dealing with these ain't shit type dudes and then acted surprised when things fall apart. I used to have all this sympathy for these women. I used to make all these excuses like "well you know she's raising those kids by herself" or "She got it hard because she got a place with this dude and he just rolled". Yeah I'm so over that shit most of these chicks did it to themselves.
People are just like cars and it doesn't take 6 months to find out you're driving a lemon
I've dealt with more than my fair share of women in full knowledge that it will never go beyond the little fling that we have going on. There will be no weekend get a ways or flowers to the job or Christmas gifts exchanged; because I already know that she's not the material to bun up with so no matter how much fun we have or how good the sex is I'll never fool myself into believing it can be something more. I know that she can't boil water let alone cook. I know that her credit is so bad that she couldn't get a car from Eastern Motors. I know that she went to Vegas for the All-Star game but her story of what took place is real vague. Just as she should know that he's one strike away from doing 20 with and L. She should know that he spends more money on weed in a month than he does on his rent. She should know that his other kid(s) haven't received any child support in lord knows how long but he buys a fresh pair of Nike's every week.
They say love is blind but common sense has 20/20 vision
People often say you can't choose the one you love but I'd like to think we as people of free mind and body have a saying in who will fuck up our lives. At what point does love say "Hey let him/her charge up bullshit on your credit card that neither of you can afford" or "Baby we don't need to use a condom" or "I want you to stay with me and move out of your mother house"? Was there not a glimpse of what this person could do to your life if allowed? I understand it's not always as clear cut as James from 3rd street that sold coke all his life but nevertheless he has 4 kids and 3 baby mothers. Sometime the dude appears to be a good dude when you first meet him, the first date, the first month all seems good. After time his representative starts to fade he doesn't open car doors anymore, you had a argument and he balled up his fist as if he was going to hit you, he doesn't call you like he used to and you're always calling him, or maybe he just isn't as affectionate as he once was. Now I'm not saying these things are deal breaker if you're cool with it do you, but it should toss up a warning flag or two dissuading you from going any further.
Truth is changes always arise in relationships but is this dude you met last week, last, month, or last season is he still the same dude today.
Whether it is yes or no do you want to have his kids with this dude, live with this dude, or even marry this dude? Or is it just a fling just for fun?
Don't turn 3 good dates into a relationship that will ruin your life
Jean DeGrate has spoken
You Just Don’t Do It for Me Anymore
*** Folks this might be one of the reasons men cheat or people cheat in general***
Remember the first time you have sex with a chick you're dating, not that one night stand heat of the moment BS, but that real passion. The exploration of those unfamiliar curves that you are so eager to learn, her distinct smell, and the sound she makes when you touch her right there. Yeah that shit if off the chain; there is nothing quite like good new pussy.
After a while the passion fades the excitement dies and that good new pussy is just old regular pussy. Foreplay no longer exist and that rise in your pants you once got from just the thought of it going down needs a little bit more coasting to get where it's going.
After about 6 months or so of dating all the excitement in the bedroom is normally pretty much gone it's just regular sex after that you need to be a pretty charming individual or shit is going to go way left. Phone time decreases and face time decreases yeah you're doing a whole lot more of kicking it with Craig and them than you used to. Funny thing about it you don't know what's really wrong because nothing seems off. You can lay next to this chick while she is ass naked and your man won't jump.
Weeks drag on and you feel no real motivation to knock this chick down. You find yourself making up reasons to hit like "Well it's raining out so ain't nothing going to be popping tonight so I'll go see her" or "Well I don't have shit else better to do might as well hit".
After a while you stare at her and pick out her flaws like the little bumps on her forehead that remind you of Braille or the way she keeps wearing same tired ass ponytail every fucking day and that just adds to the lack of her sexual appeal. Then it's the first time your man doesn't show up to the show and you start making excuses like "I'm just tired" or "give me a little bit head to get me started". But you're up and ready to rock when you caught 5 minutes of tittie on Cinemax at 2 in the morning then it hits you like a Mack truck you just don't do it for me anymore and it's all downhill from there.
95 times out of 100 new pussy is going to be hit but after the sparks fade then what?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
***If you think I write good shit; tell somebody else***
Remember the first time you have sex with a chick you're dating, not that one night stand heat of the moment BS, but that real passion. The exploration of those unfamiliar curves that you are so eager to learn, her distinct smell, and the sound she makes when you touch her right there. Yeah that shit if off the chain; there is nothing quite like good new pussy.
After a while the passion fades the excitement dies and that good new pussy is just old regular pussy. Foreplay no longer exist and that rise in your pants you once got from just the thought of it going down needs a little bit more coasting to get where it's going.
After about 6 months or so of dating all the excitement in the bedroom is normally pretty much gone it's just regular sex after that you need to be a pretty charming individual or shit is going to go way left. Phone time decreases and face time decreases yeah you're doing a whole lot more of kicking it with Craig and them than you used to. Funny thing about it you don't know what's really wrong because nothing seems off. You can lay next to this chick while she is ass naked and your man won't jump.
Weeks drag on and you feel no real motivation to knock this chick down. You find yourself making up reasons to hit like "Well it's raining out so ain't nothing going to be popping tonight so I'll go see her" or "Well I don't have shit else better to do might as well hit".
After a while you stare at her and pick out her flaws like the little bumps on her forehead that remind you of Braille or the way she keeps wearing same tired ass ponytail every fucking day and that just adds to the lack of her sexual appeal. Then it's the first time your man doesn't show up to the show and you start making excuses like "I'm just tired" or "give me a little bit head to get me started". But you're up and ready to rock when you caught 5 minutes of tittie on Cinemax at 2 in the morning then it hits you like a Mack truck you just don't do it for me anymore and it's all downhill from there.
95 times out of 100 new pussy is going to be hit but after the sparks fade then what?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
***If you think I write good shit; tell somebody else***
What Really Grinds My Gears Volume III
Ugly people calling other people ugly
I’m about to start carrying a mirror around for these physically unfortunate souls who deem it ok to talk about another persons looks. Real talk have you seen you are there any mirrors in your house? How dare you part your fugly lips to call another person ugly when you look like you’ve taken a beating or two with the ugly stick?
Busted chicks that complain about dudes not being up to their standards
“...this nigga aint got no real job he doing home improvement work with his father he aint getting no W2 for that shit and he got the nerve to be riding around in 94’ piece a shit...” I hear one of these types of rants like twice a week and when I turn my head I see some busted ran down looking broad; when I’m expecting to see somebody that would be able to grace a magazine cover or at least ride passenger seat no tint. But nope without fail it’s some mud duck going on some dude. Look here you busted baby if you were better looking yeah you could get a better dude and I know that’s some superficial shit to say but that’s just the way shit is. Busted women end up with sub par dudes unless the busted chick is paid it’s male gold diggers out there too.
Grown ass men with Mohawks
I know all these music videos, professional athletes, and TV stars are starting to rub off on you and they make you feel like you can pull it off. Nah you’re dead wrong. You look like a fucking idiot. Mohawk weren’t meant for regular people. Native Americans don’t even wear Mohawks and they invented the hairstyle,
So here’s a list of people that should never rock a Mohawk.
If you never counted out 10k of your own money no Mohawk for you
If you don’t own a fashion boutique or hair salon (not a barbershop) you can’t do a Mohawk
If you have a dress code or you have to wear a uniform to work no Mohawk for you.
If you go to your barber and say “Give me a Mohawk” and he looks at you as if he’s waiting you to say “I’m just bullshitting” no Mohawk for you
If you think your friends will make jokes about you for months to come then no Mohawk for you
My City not repping My City
I’m sick and fucking tired of walking into DTLR, Footlocker, Lidz, or any other spot they might carry Fitted Caps and see 1000 hats in every color of the rainbow except the Nationals. How the fuck do you have 100 hats and only 2 of them have anything to do with the city you’re operating in? Maybe if I go to NYC I can rack up on National hats because we got all the Yankee joints down here.
Dumb Ass Tattoos
Some people treat their bodies like a scratch pad and when the moment hits them they are off to the tattoo shop to get Bugs Bunny shooting dice holding a bottle of Moet or they might just grab one of those cliché tats that I love so much like the panther, the 2pac cross, tribal arm band and the classic dog/tiger paw prints. Put some thought into your tat and try to be slightly original. Do you really want to be 50 with Jessica Rabbit in a Bikini on your back or even worst dropping 1200+ on tattoo removal so it could look like somebody poured hot acid on your arm?
Local rappers selling their CD’s on the street
No boom box, no freestyle, just a poorly package CD with a name scribbled on with a black Sharpie. “Son show love, I’m just trying to get my music out there and it’s that crack. I’m letting them go for 5” is like the standard spiel. I used to toss 5 dollar bills out to these dudes until I had about 25 CDs sitting on my kitchen counter that I never heard. So one day I grabbed the stack and headed to work to give them a listen. Every single disk; every single track just horrible and I don’t mean just sound bad I mean atrocious in every aspect from the horrible production, the recycled beats, to 3rd grade rhyming patterns. I mean how many times can I hear “Vest”, “Chest”, and “Rest” rhymed together at the end of a bar? Now when those dudes walk up on me I just say “I don’t listen to rap”. Plus I can get 3 for 10 from my bootleg man of shit I actually want to here; Officer Ricky here I come.
People will always do dumb shit and as long as ya’ll keep reading I'mma keep writing
Jean DeGrate has spoken
I’m about to start carrying a mirror around for these physically unfortunate souls who deem it ok to talk about another persons looks. Real talk have you seen you are there any mirrors in your house? How dare you part your fugly lips to call another person ugly when you look like you’ve taken a beating or two with the ugly stick?
Busted chicks that complain about dudes not being up to their standards
“...this nigga aint got no real job he doing home improvement work with his father he aint getting no W2 for that shit and he got the nerve to be riding around in 94’ piece a shit...” I hear one of these types of rants like twice a week and when I turn my head I see some busted ran down looking broad; when I’m expecting to see somebody that would be able to grace a magazine cover or at least ride passenger seat no tint. But nope without fail it’s some mud duck going on some dude. Look here you busted baby if you were better looking yeah you could get a better dude and I know that’s some superficial shit to say but that’s just the way shit is. Busted women end up with sub par dudes unless the busted chick is paid it’s male gold diggers out there too.
Grown ass men with Mohawks
I know all these music videos, professional athletes, and TV stars are starting to rub off on you and they make you feel like you can pull it off. Nah you’re dead wrong. You look like a fucking idiot. Mohawk weren’t meant for regular people. Native Americans don’t even wear Mohawks and they invented the hairstyle,
So here’s a list of people that should never rock a Mohawk.
If you never counted out 10k of your own money no Mohawk for you
If you don’t own a fashion boutique or hair salon (not a barbershop) you can’t do a Mohawk
If you have a dress code or you have to wear a uniform to work no Mohawk for you.
If you go to your barber and say “Give me a Mohawk” and he looks at you as if he’s waiting you to say “I’m just bullshitting” no Mohawk for you
If you think your friends will make jokes about you for months to come then no Mohawk for you
My City not repping My City
I’m sick and fucking tired of walking into DTLR, Footlocker, Lidz, or any other spot they might carry Fitted Caps and see 1000 hats in every color of the rainbow except the Nationals. How the fuck do you have 100 hats and only 2 of them have anything to do with the city you’re operating in? Maybe if I go to NYC I can rack up on National hats because we got all the Yankee joints down here.
Dumb Ass Tattoos
Some people treat their bodies like a scratch pad and when the moment hits them they are off to the tattoo shop to get Bugs Bunny shooting dice holding a bottle of Moet or they might just grab one of those cliché tats that I love so much like the panther, the 2pac cross, tribal arm band and the classic dog/tiger paw prints. Put some thought into your tat and try to be slightly original. Do you really want to be 50 with Jessica Rabbit in a Bikini on your back or even worst dropping 1200+ on tattoo removal so it could look like somebody poured hot acid on your arm?
Local rappers selling their CD’s on the street
No boom box, no freestyle, just a poorly package CD with a name scribbled on with a black Sharpie. “Son show love, I’m just trying to get my music out there and it’s that crack. I’m letting them go for 5” is like the standard spiel. I used to toss 5 dollar bills out to these dudes until I had about 25 CDs sitting on my kitchen counter that I never heard. So one day I grabbed the stack and headed to work to give them a listen. Every single disk; every single track just horrible and I don’t mean just sound bad I mean atrocious in every aspect from the horrible production, the recycled beats, to 3rd grade rhyming patterns. I mean how many times can I hear “Vest”, “Chest”, and “Rest” rhymed together at the end of a bar? Now when those dudes walk up on me I just say “I don’t listen to rap”. Plus I can get 3 for 10 from my bootleg man of shit I actually want to here; Officer Ricky here I come.
People will always do dumb shit and as long as ya’ll keep reading I'mma keep writing
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)