Tuesday, May 5, 2009

I don’t chop the box

Okay I’m 29 now and I can clearly see 30 from here so it’s safe to assume I’m pretty stuck in my ways. Over the years there have been a few things I said I’d never do and went against the grain like eating broccoli, smoking weed, kissing a girl after she gave me slight, or driving a stolen car and I got past all that shit, but I never got pass eating pussy.

So without further ado here’s my list of why I don’t chop the box

1. Somebody’s penis was in there.
If somebody stuck their dick in my favorite cup there wouldn’t be enough soap, bleach, or disinfectant in the world to make think it’s safe to drink from it ever again. So why the fuck would I put my mouth on something that’s only getting regular soap. Shit Dove won’t make that pussy squeaky clean.

2. The Period
No explanation just fucking disgusting.

3. The secretion
I’ve hit chicks that were so wet my balls were dripping. They leave wet spots on the sheets and some more shit. If I put my face in that it would be like drinking a 20oz soda and I’d come up looking like a glazed donut; not a good look so I’ll pass.

4. I don’t like the look of it
I often have sex with the lights on so I know exactly what a vagina looks like. Matter of fact I don’t know how it got the nickname “pussy” because it don’t look shit like a cat. To be perfectly honest on looks alone a vagina is not something I want in my mouth. To this date I’ve never seen a pussy that made me say “Oh man I got to put my mouth on that”.

5. I don’t think it would taste good
In my entire life every time I thought something look nasty you better believe I was dead on. Brussels sprouts; horrible, lima beans; awful, liver; the worst, but every time I knew this was going to be bad grown-ups push me into eating it just to reaffirm my faith in my own prejudice. I have girls tell me they taste like strawberries and peaches and smell like roses; I’m an intelligent man so I know that bull shit. You know what tastes like strawberries and peaches? That’s right strawberries and peaches.

Sorry ladies I can’t eat nothing that can get up and walk away
Jean DeGrate has spoken

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