Friday, March 1, 2013

Girl, We Ain't Dating, Nah We Just Cracking

...And by cracking I mean fucking

Dating - a form of courtship consisting of outings and social activities done by two people with the aim of assessing each others suitability for a potential committed relationship. You know with titles and that other dope shit attached. For you internet bitches when your HIM and/or "friend" actually gets a name.

Fucking - Little to no outings, limited day time communications and of course sexual relations.

Fact - Women rarely fuck men they wouldn't date.
Fact - Men will knowingly fuck women with ZERO interest in doing anything beyond fucking.

Since women almost exclusively fuck men they have genuine interest in they naturally assume due to vaginal hubris that those men share the same feelings and this is where the line between fucking and dating gets all screwed up. I could tell you a story or 70 about women that thought we were dating only to find out we were just fucking but that wouldn't be very time efficient. So the big homie DeGrate is going to give you some guidelines to what just fucking consists of to clear up any future confusion. You're all welcome.

You never talk on the phone
Even in this day and age of text everything there is still no more efficient way of conveying large amounts of dialog other than actually talking. If you are not talking on the phone he doesn't really want to know too much about you. He'll text and keeps all phone calls under 10 minutes, baby this is just fucking.

He always plays the away game
He lives alone but your house is always the chill spot? He does a CSI level search of your bedroom to double... I mean triple check he leaves nothing behind (including the condom wrapper). He never allows the sunrise to catch him sleeping and sometimes after the deed is done he even comes out of the bathroom fully dressed (the move I like to refer to as the skeet and skate).

He always has a reason for not spending the night
"I forgot my phone charger; I can't be out here with a dead battery" "Your house is too far away from my job and that traffic is going to be crazy." "Seeing you coming out of the shower in the morning isn't going to motivate me to go to work; it's going make me lay you back down. I can't have that type of pressure first thing in the morning." Whatever it is he always has a great reason to never pack that overnight bag.

You never get premium nights
For those that don't know "premium nights" are the nights that you don't have to go to work the next day i.e. Friday, Saturday and a few Sundays preceding holidays. Before the happy hour starts and before the sun sets you already know he has plans on those premium nights that don't involve you. Either he's kicking it with Craig and them or helping his mom trap the raccoons in the crawl space below house, one thing for sure he's always busy.

He only does shit on request
He'll cuddle when you ask him why he doesn't cuddle with you. He'll call you when you send him that text asking why you two never talk on the phone. He'll like a couple pictures on your IG account when you ask him why he's paying attention to everything else but you. He'll temporarily fulfill the most basic requests to shut you the fuck up before going back to business as usual.

He doesn't acknowledge your online presence
Never @'s you Twitter? Never comments on your FB post? Never publicly replies to anything you say to him online? Always in your DM's but never in your mentions? Ya'll just fucking and he doesn't want to alienate any other possible pussy from the other bitches twatching.

If this applies to you then you now know what it is
Jean DeGrate has spoken

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