Wednesday, March 27, 2013

Protocol for the Single Man in the Club or Bar

First off, I'm an average dude that does pretty well in the club. I'm not a local celebrity (I have 8 Twitter followers). I'm not 6'6. I'm in good shape but that has never gotten me any pussy; trust and believe by the time I get to taking my shirt sex is already guaranteed (these pecs won't be the deciding factor). I wear name brand shit but a hoe has never looked down at my shoes and said "Are those Gucci my nigga? I see you shining; I should give you some pussy". (Muscles and expensive shoes are only good for "likes" on Instagram; no practical applications in the real world though.) Good I'm glad the formalities are out of the way just in case folks think I might have a leg up on them.

Last week folks were on twitter talking about buying drinks in the club and all other types of party shenanigans. I was appalled that women really still expected men to buy them drinks in the club and I was even more appalled that niggas were purchasing said drinks.

Don't buy strangers drinks
Seriously don't buy strangers drinks it's an epic waste of money and time. Buying a drink doesn't even guarantee a conversation that will last as long it takes to finish the drink. Besides getting a "thank you" followed by her immediately turning around to focus on her friends; there are far too many variables that can go wrong with buying drinks. My personal favorite "drink buying" off set is when the most attractive member of the group gets some poor sap to buy her entire crew a round of drinks. With the cost of gas now a days who can freely afford to buy a round of drinks for a group of strangers? Oh yeah and you'll instantly be labeled a simp.

Be patience and wait for the bartender
Don't try to hail the bartender like you're flagging down a cab. Don't wave a 20 back and forth hoping he or she will notice that you are a paying customer or assume you are a big tipper. Be patience, wait and once you do get your chance to order tip in cash and tip well. That will alleviate the struggle of waiting for the bartender to serve you again because he will already know you tip well and will make you a priority.

Always get to the party late
If happy hour starts at 5 and ends at 8 show up around 630. If doors at the club open at 10 and the guest list ends at 11 show up at 12. Don't be the party starter that's the DJ's job. Don't be the first guy at the bar; that's lonely nigga's job. Walking into a dead event will kill your vibe and have you spending excessive money at the bar because in an empty party there isn't shit else to do but drink.

Manage your drunk
Know your limit and not because you might drink and drive and kill yourself clearly this blog isn't about your safety. It's thin line between slightly buzzing turned up guy and the bouncer is about to throw you out of the club and watch you land on your face wasted guy. Don't be the latter.

Oh none of this will get you any girls but it will keep you from alienating them
Jean DeGrate has spoken

1 comment:

  1. Nice blog, but in the future select a more flattering picture of my Commander and Chief. He looks like Droopy the Dog after a stroke!

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