Friday, June 15, 2012

Pop’s Wasn’t Around

…And just in time for father’s day
 
Last year my father sent me a “Happy Father’s Day” text message it might have been the funniest yet ironic text message I’ve ever received. I didn’t reply; I couldn’t think of an adequate response, but that “Eat a dick” response was waiting in the draft folder though. See if you didn’t know my father wasn’t really around as a kid.
 
Mom’s made due
Of course since he wasn’t around he wasn’t kicking up any dollars either so it’s safe to assume I missed a few pairs of Air Jordan’s growing up. I wasn’t rocking Payless sneakers but the air bubble on my Nike’s were way less prominent than the ones my classmates were wearing. Somehow, someway I managed to get Christmas and birthday presents every year. It was always food in the fridge and we never had to make tomato soup out of old McDonald’s ketchup packets or eat mayo sandwiches. My jeans always touched my shoes and my feet never managed to bust out of a pair those Nike’s. I wasn’t really lacking financial support as a kid so I can’t say because dad wasn’t around I was missing meals or wearing hand me downs. It would have still been nice to say a few pairs of these retro J’s I got in the house now I had them the first time out too.
 
I don’t really remember that nigga
I’m not one of those guys that can’t point out my father in a room full of black men. I know exactly what he looks like (shit I think I’ll post a picture of him on this blog). I have about 3 maybe 4 concrete physically memories of this guy prior to my 18th birthday. Mostly he bullshitted me over the phone talking about how my mother was keeping him from me and he couldn’t wait until I was 18 to make my own choices and move in with him. Funniest thing about my mother keeping me away from him was he knew where I lived and went to school then to top it off he had free reign to call the house. Honest to God truth if Martin Lynch’s name popped up on the caller ID my mother would hand me the phone. Remember those stories of the kid sitting on the front steps waiting for dad to never come? Yep he put me in the trick bag a few times with that one.
 
That fatherly guidance came elsewhere
I’m not going to say a woman can’t raise a man because here I am a product of a single family household and make no doubt about it I am a grown ass man. With that being said its still things that can’t be conveyed to boy coming up the way another man can. The local drug dealers taught me how to go about talking to women. Real talk if it wasn’t for the niggas dealing death in my community I’d probably still be handing out “Do you like me? check yes or no” notes. Well… most likely not, but I have to accredit a good share of the cheeks I acquired from the ages of 15 thru 19 to the dudes repping 11th and Girard. My uncle Glen gave me my first beer and taught me how to ride a bike. My uncle Rennie showed me how to drive then years later taught me how to drive a stick. The Mini Page in the Washington Post taught me to tie a Windsor knot so I pretty much picked up my manly lessons where I could.
 
Some lessons I had to learn on my own
I remember growing up watching shaving commercials with the white men using razors; it’s very rare to see a black man in a Gillette ad.  Those white men led me astray with those Mach 3 razors because my face was leaking like a faucet and that white shaving cream was pink when it hit the sink. My first few shaving experiences were like slap boxing with Edward Scissorhands. And speaking of fighting since pops wasn’t around to show me the “old one two” all my training was on the job. Shout to fight club better know as Eugene Meyer Elementary. A few busted lips and bloody noses got my hands all the way together so no worries pops.
 
I’m a father now
I got a little girl and I can’t see being away from her. She drives me up a fucking wall most days and costs me a small fortune but I couldn’t see it any other way. I couldn’t live with my daughter feeling about me the same way I feel about my father. I don’t hate the dude or wish him ill will; I just give zero fucks about him. If I got the “Your dad pasted away” call I’m almost 100% sure response would be “Welp” and if my daughter didn’t care if I was breathing or not it would kill me. Now that I think about I’m kind of glad he wasn’t around I think I’m just that much better of a father because I know exactly what not to do.
 
Thanks for busting the nut tho
Jean DeGrate has spoken


5 comments:

  1. Shout out to those of us who packed a bag every time the absentee parent told us they were coming (mine was the dead beat mother) didn't stop packin' the bag until I was damn near in high school.

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  2. I don't know why my eyes teared up at the thought of you waiting for your dad to show up. I can't imagine that feeling...like you said, you're a great dad and everyone can see that.

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  3. You know how I feel about this matter already. I was on the steps too. I also was waiting by the phone for that magical call. But I am glad that you are my brother and you are a great father. I feel like because of the relationship that you had with him affected our relationship. He used to say the same things to me as well. Reading this brought up a lot of feelings that I thought I was through with. It really made me cry. But I love you though

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  4. I remember plenty of days sitting on that damn rock waiting on my dad. This shit hit home. I gotta do some pushups and get out my feelings

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