Why I No Longer Club

It seems like all so long ago I used to be Mr. Party Time. I literally used to be in the club 2 or 3 times a week. I’m so off that shit and this is why…
 
I don’t need the club to meet women
I don’t dance. None of the dudes I know actually really dance (allowing a chick the grind up on you for a song or two isn’t dancing its dry humping, not that it’s anything wrong with that). This ain’t California where niggas are going Chris Brown on the dance floor. So the primary reason for any dude to go to the club is to meet women. Oh, your man goes to the club to hang out with his boys? Either that guy is playing wingman of the year or he’s trying to recruit some new bitches of his own. Seriously have you ever tried to hold a conversation over 30 seconds in the club? It’s fucking impossible; due to communicating with my homies across night club dance floors I’ve invented my own form of sign language.
 
Its way more women on the net than any club
I don’t even know how Match.com and eHarmony are in business. The best dating sites on the net are absolutely free. Over the last 10 years BlackPlanet, MySpace and FaceBook (in that order) has gotten me way more cheeks than the club ever did without paying a cover charge. Most of the time I spent scanning through these internet social sites I was at work so technically I was getting paid to find new pussy. Yeah, me. A friend request here, comment on a status there, a few inbox messages and a handful of phone conversations later you’d think she knew me all her life. Cheeks follow soon after and I didn’t even have to buy her a drink to get her number.
 
I hate waiting
I’m waiting in line. I’m waiting at the bar. I’m waiting for the DJ to play some shit I want to hear. I’m waiting to use the bathroom. I’m waiting for VIP to open. I even have to wait at the parking lot for the attendant to go get my car so I can go home.
 
Clubs cost too much
When you think of the total cost of clubbing, even when doing the low end of shit, you’re kind of getting raped. When I think of the money I put into clubbing over the years I could have bought the brand new Kia Optima in cash (you know the one from the commercial with Adriana Lima). I never paid any attention to any Kia car prior to that commercial that’s proof that sex sells. Ok, cool, now back to the blog. For about a 5 year span the only shoes I owned that weren’t Nike’s where purchased exclusively for the purpose of getting in the club. I dropped at least a G on Lacoste polo shirts that are all folded up neatly on the top shelf of my closet never to see the light of day again. When I get down to parking, drinks and cover charges I was dropping at least 75 to stand around in a crowded room sweating trying to avoid getting my shoes stepped on while a strange chick grinded her ass on me to the “Walk it out” remix. I lost B.
 
I only party when the club is free and everybody already knows me
Jean DeGrate has spoken