I might be a hoe

Or at least a tad bit forgetful

Anyway I have a story to tell and something on one of my Facebook status updates just reminded me. So here we go…

Let’s rewind back a few years to the good old days when you weren’t required to have a separate app to check your messages on Facebook. The golden era; insert several heart eyed emojis.

History has taught me that women will shut down and delete a social media account at the drop of a dime. They will also change a phone number like Sprint ain’t charging them for it. Any type of drama will prompt these actions and I do mean any kind; heartbreak, bird shit on the windshield, missed the season finale of Empire, her son got an F in PE, etc…

That entire passage above is kind of a cop out for what’s coming next. That doesn’t make it any less TRUE but it’s still a cop out. Father forgive me.

Sometimes my Facebook is lit. Sometimes girls slide in my DM’s and on a much smaller occasion I respond. This is the story of what happened when I responded this one time.

So I’m just kicking on the timeline talking my shit per usual trying to get through another the work day and I get a friend request from a cute girl. I went thru standard protocol when a cute girl sends you a friend; you know the Catfish/Scammer/Spammer test, scroll thru a few pictures, see if her timeline goes back further than a month, see if she has any friends in common that aren’t thirsty ass dudes and read a few status updates. If everything lines up I click accept and immediately forget she exist. Let’s call her Shay in the spirit of anonymity. Fast forward a couple of days later and Shay is in my inbox. Women rarely ever go smack (smack – the act of being direct in an aggressive nature) in the DM’s. They’ll small talk you to death waiting for you to shoot your shot and I let her small talk me for 3 days. We’d exchange short bursts of dialog throughout the day to the point that she was asking me about the family shit was getting kind of personal. She forced my hand and trying to hold detailed conversations while typing with my thumbs wasn’t exactly the wave. I couldn’t go back and forth anymore with the small talk so I gave her my number. Now we talking on the phone, flirting and shit; she even shot the boy a few almost nudes. I spread this thing out over a few weeks before asking her out. I figured she wasn’t going to ask so I did it.

The plan was to meet up for drinks at some arbitrary restaurant/bar in downtown DC and in classic woman fashion she was running a bit behind so instead of walking inside and waiting like a lonely nigga I stood outside while smoking a black and mild. I saw her walking up from like 10 yards out and she sort of looked familiar, but not familiar in “you look just like your pictures” familiar it was more like “I think I know you in real life” familiar. Anyway I shrugged it then off greeted her with a hug and proceeded to enter the spot. We grabbed seats at the bar and I asked her what she was drinking. We cut through a couple appetizers and a few rounds. It was shaping up into being a great night or so I thought. She got up to use the bathroom and in her absence I ordered the shrimp cocktail. It was the beginning of the end and I didn’t even know it.

She gets back to the bar at the exact same moment the bartender placed the shrimp cocktail in front of me.

Shay – You greedy and you didn’t even order me anything.

JD – You can have some. These are community shrimp.

Shay – You know I’m allergic to shrimp.

JD – Do I?

Shay – I told you.

JD – Did you?

Shay – I told you when we were supposed to go to McCormick & Schmick’s

JD – When was that?

Shay – Oh my God. You don’t know who I am do you?

JD – What’s going on here?

It was a bit more dialog after that but it was mostly profanity based so the super abridged version is “We’ve had sex and you don’t know who the fuck I am; FUCK YOU” and then she stormed out of the restaurant. Pretty much everybody within earshot was staring at me and I’m not 100% sure there isn’t a video of me getting cursed out at the bar floating around the internet somewhere. After I finished my drink and paid the tab I doubled back to Facebook to look thru her pictures hoping to jog my memory, but she was way too swift I was already blocked. I thought of calling and texting but would I say “Hey I don’t remember you but I’d like to know you again.” Yeah, that probably wouldn’t go off well. I spent the greater portion of the trip home trying to figure out who she was and yup you guessed it, no dice. I still don’t know who she is or was and here where are years later.

Does that make me a hoe because I don’t remember a woman I slept with?

Jean DeGrate is perplexed. No I’m not. I’m a hoe

He Switched Up and Fell Off After You Let Him Hit

He Switched Up and Fell Off After You Let Him Hit. Switched up (in this instance) – to drastically change behavior towards party or parties involved in a romantic/sexual situation. There are 3 main reasons men switch up after 1 to 3 visits to the vagina; 1. He is already involved in a relationship/situationship that he doesn’t wish to gamble with any further with his current status. This shit should cover all the explanation needed and sometimes men ain’t shit. It’s the cost of doing business. 2. He was exclusively interested in sex. All the sweet talk, wining and dining was all means to an end. All that say what you want and keep it 100 foolishness doesn’t actually work so the game is the game. Life comes at you fast. 3. The box was trash or at least not good enough to support your other perceived character flaws and package. More eloquently the juice isn’t worth the squeeze. Today I’m here to expound on this so let’s go… Everything isn’t for everybody... This is normally when I say your pussy isn’t the great equalizer. Normally I would say life should have shown you by now that your vagina isn’t the game changer. Today I won’t say that. I’m going to go with a different approach. I like chocolate cake. I almost exclusively eat chocolate cake. It’s safe to say I’m a chocolate cake type of guy. I also know chocolate cake isn’t for everybody but it’s perfect for me. Ya’ll see where I’m going with this right? Oh ok, good. You might have some pound cake pussy and once a guy like me comes across your pound cake pussy (which isn’t bad pussy) other things come into factor which leads me to my next point… We all have our pros and cons... It’s a strong possibility that you’re not as dope as you think you are. We as people tend to side step most of our character flaws and pat ourselves on the back for things we’re supposed to do as adults and decent human beings. Like being in shape, taking care of your kids, paying your own bills, being employed, staying out of jail and shit like that. I mean if you accomplished all of that it’s dope for you for managing to be fucking average. Scroll to the bottom of this post and I have a trophy with your name on it. Sometimes your particular combination of attributes, baggage, morals, assets and character flaws doesn’t really go over as well as you might imagine with potential suitors but they’re holding out to see what that pussy is hitting on. You meet a guy however you meet a guy... We all know the game has changed and we are all a bit phony (some of you are an outright sham) so when he pulls up at happy hour or slides in your DM’s after strategically liking pictures for the last 3 months while waiting to see if a boyfriend pops up; either way he’s here now. He’s on your line and you’re on his. He makes you smile and you tell him silly shit like “You lucky I like you a little bit” but you don’t know him and he doesn’t know you. Everybody is putting their best foot forward and hiding their hands. You don’t know he has an 8 year car note for 1200 on that 2014 S Class Benz and he doesn’t know that under that layer of Mac foundation the bumps on your forehead look like braille. Then he captures the flag... Ok 12 DM’s, 45 “Good Morning” text messages, 6 $200 dates, 7 nudes, 3 car make out sessions and 1 Netflix & chill later, now here we are. After first time sex it’s a time of reflection. Your value to our life is being evaluated and we’re going down a list. It’s shallow shit on the list like that weird mole on your neck with 3 hairs growing out of it that you refuse to pluck or the fact that you think The Fresh Prince of Bel Air is a better show than Martin. It’s important shit like you work a job that you love instead of taking a job where you could cash out with your degrees or the fact that you live in Waldorf which technically makes you an immigrant and Trump could close off the borders at any moment. Post vagina you can really see a person’s life in HD and the sex is a determining factor on the path we take from there. Pre-cheeks he might have thought you were the one and now you’re a “You up?” text at 3 am after the club or worst you might get your contact info deleted. It’s a lot of pressure on that pussy boo Jean DeGrate has spoken P.S. for those unfamiliar with Waldorf it’s the most northern province of Zamunda

Part 2 of The Get Down Sucked and I’m Going To Tell You Why

I know this is my unpopular opinion but the first half of “The Get Down” was just ok. Maybe if I was from BX and I rode the 6 train and I lived in a bodega and I wore tan Tims to prom it probably would have tugged on all of my heart strings. Unfortunately I was born and raised in DC with a black mayor, black police and pretty much everything else black. Total side note DC was once the black utopia; you know like what they pretend what Atlanta is but doesn’t come compare. Back on task… the first half was cute and shit on some after school special with a dope nostalgic sound track plus they casted a dude that looks just like Grandmaster Flash. If the series was just 6 episodes I would have been like “Yeah that was cool I don’t need anything else”. But nope they gave us 5 extra episodes of wild ass fuck shit.

Before I get into this if anybody gets on this “you’re downing our black films and entertainment” you people are the reason Tyler Perry had 150 movies starring himself in a dress and a grey wing.

The cartoon
I don’t know what budget cuts, new writers or filming conflicts that motivated the switch to the Fat Albert style animation for every 4th scene but the shit was rubbish. The whole Jaden Smith mailing letters via paper plane to homie/boyfriend in prison was extra trippy and way over the top. Every segue passed thru a corny little cartoon world like “Who Framed Roger Rabbit?” in shades of brown. I sat there and suffered through it waiting for a payoff that never came; waiting for some sort of purposeful explanation to it all.

Shaolin Fantastic Lost His Fucking Mind
On the first half Shaolin was a reluctant drug dealer, graffiti artist and wannabe DJ carrying crates of records for Grandmaster Flash. He even walked away from the dope game momentarily and tried to be a full time DJ. The second half Shaolin went full on ape shit. He pull up to Zeke’s Catalina Wine Mixer internship on a dirt bike causing a scene and then whips out a pistol on some cocaine snorting white boys in the bathroom. You know how crazy that is that your homie pulls you off the job and yall ride off into the sunset on a dirt bike like you don’t have to see these people tomorrow?  He pistol whipped drug lord Fat Annie over record deals and has the whole crew on the run from a team of killers. Not to mention he was moving the most dope during every event; I felt like I was watching an episode of Power.

Mylene is the coldest chick alive
Mylene went from being a church girl with disco dreams being passionately pursued by Zeke (who seemed to be the only character that didn’t radically change from part one to part two) to being forced into being the figure head of her “father’s” mega church dreams. That arch was realistic. Ramon Cruz was definitely riding her wave and vehemently attempting to drive her career while she was trying to break out into her own lane. Then she found her “dad” dead from a suicide in his church and nothing made sense ever again. She found out Papa Fuerte was her dad, went to Ramon Cruz’s funeral then ran off to Jackie Moreno’s apartment where they and a team of cross dressers wrote a song. Turned around and solidified a movie deal gave Zeke a kiss and ran off to Hollywood. Oh and left moms solo dolo in the projects.

All the other fuck shit
I can’t even begin to imagine how 3 teenaged boys get punished and forced to give up hip hop then immediately turn around to doing shows, going on dates, selling dope and Dizzee overdosed. I had to watch it again because somehow someway Ron Cephas Jones was a better dad on “This is Us” as former junkie dying of cancer then he was as a live in father on The Get Down.  How was Shaolin getting all this money still living in an abandon building? He wasn’t about that secure door life? I’m still befuddled about that. The last episode I guess the writers and director was like “we not about to do 2 more episodes so everything got to get crammed into this.” Pape Fuerte caught a charge out of nowhere.  Cadillac quit being a gangster after being forced to attend a rap concert and decided to chase his dreams of getting “Disco Biscuit” on the radio.  Fat Annie (who may have molested her son Cadillac) shot a kitten and patched things up with Shaolin (whose real name is Curtis like that was some sort of fucking big reveal).

Nope it was trash writing this made me angry
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Dating Someone That Has Kids

First and foremost kids are terrible people. You can quote me on that. You can put it on my tombstone.

Anyway…

I almost have a PhD in dating women who either co-parent or are single parents; no they are not the same thing they are very different and just because you own a fuck trophy sans a relationship does not make you a single parent. Seriously though, I’m 4 baby mamas and 10 credit hours away from my doctorate; Dr. DeGrate has a good ring to it.

Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama
The most common misconception about dating people with kids especially in the urban community is the ever dreaded “Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama” and it exist but not at the level people assume. (I’m not basing this on my personal experience as an owner of 9 year old girl I have nor have I ever had any Baby Mama Drama.) When the other parent drama does rear its ugly head it’s normally in the “Don’t have nobody around my kids”/”We can work this out” variety and normally has little to no follow through. Now the urban legends when the child’s parent is scaling the wall to the third story balcony peeking through the sliding glass doors to see what’s going on in there actually exist. Typically it’s some warning signs before things go all off the rail like that though. Real talk other parent drama only occurs in certain conditions usually…

1. People under 30 that keep fucking after the relationship ended
2. People with kids 3 and under
3. People with newly ended relationships (6 months or less) where the couple was cohabitating

You got all that? Cool. Just keep your head on swivel and ask the right question and you’ll be able to avoid any Baby Daddy/Baby Mama drama.

Now on to the shit that really matters…

Are they in a position to do adult things?
Some people don’t have a support system or the funds that allows them to gallivant in these streets on a regular basis; especially single parents. It takes an act of God and the planets aligning on a full moon for her to line up a baby sitter to do anything other than “Netflix and Chill” after 10pm when the kids are in bed. His child support payments are so high that a night out on the town will have him on a Lunchables and Top Ramen diet for the next two pay periods. Child ownership can get in the way of a relationship before the relationship even beings. When dating a parent sometimes you have to be their time standing on call to steal moments here and there. Are you about that life?

Do you like the kid?
As previously stated children are terrible people. This is especially true when the kids don’t belong to you. For instance my kid is awesome and I don’t know your kid but it’s probably trash. Ok, all jokes aside kids can be annoying, whinny, bad, stupid, overtly playful, mean and slew of other character flaws that may be a deal breaker. In order for this thing to have legs and go somewhere (other than randomly hooking up after drunken happy hours) you WILL have to deal with this child on some level. If you secretly fantasize about tying the child to a chair and locking them in the bathroom this is definitely not the person for you. After all you can’t say “Hey your child is a horrid human being but you’re dope as fuck we need to find a way around him.” It’s usually frowned upon to tell someone that you don’t like their kid. The person you’re dating is going to act like fruit of their loins is the best thing to happen since slice bread. (I don’t even know why that’s a saying but the pre pre-sliced bread era must have really been fucking abysmal.) This brings us to our next bullet point…

Do you like the person they become around the kid?
Some people instantly switch up around their kids. Drastically. You could be dating James St Patrick from Power and the moment he’s in the presence of his children he turns into Big Bird from Sesame Street. You could be dating the sweetest girl ever but she talks to her kids like she’s a drug lord and they owe her money. It gets really awkward when you’re sitting on the couch and she throws a dinner plate like Frisbee at the head of her son while yelling “You bitch ass nigga”. Trust me; that shit happens. Some people are push overs for their kids some people are bullies to their kids on some Antione Fisher shit. Of course these are extreme examples and not the norm but people do become a different variation of themselves and that person is an individual you may not be a fan of.

Does the kid like you?
That kid might not like you. That kid might not ever warm up to you. You may forever hear “You ain’t my daddy/mommy” for requesting simple shit like asking the kid to turn the TV down a little. You might not ever be able to bribe your way into this child’s good graces. You might not ever be able to prove that your intentions are genuine towards them. You might have to abandon ship because it’s incredibly difficult to co-exist in the same space with a person that despises you when they are the apple of their parent’s eye.

Baby mama drama is the least of your worries
Jean DeGrate has spoken

You’re Catfish and You Don’t Even Know It.

A few of my homies had some words for me after writing the “4 April Fool’s Jokes Women Play Year Round”. I posted the blog Sunday evening and I’ve had the SAME conversation 9 times and it’s only Tuesday afternoon. Jesus. I’m often pretty clear and most women get me. I mean after all, I speak fluent Womanese and I studied for years with Diana Prince and the Amazonians on the isle of Themyscira. Yeah, I just geeked out for a second there but let’s push pass that. Oh, I didn’t mention the part of the blog that caused the uproar so here it is… 

“A real woman on the other hand is bit harder to define because somehow weaves, body shapers, cosmetic surgery and whatever other upgrades they have out now doesn’t diminish the realness of a woman. Being a real woman is more of a state of mind over something you can actually touch and feel. From Jill Scott all the way to the girl that got a boob job because she “loves” herself not for attention from men in passing. Insert several 100 emojis here.”  

I touched a sore spot with those 83 words and it’s not like making a stinging statement is unfamiliar territory to me but this time it was inadvertent. Whoops. See here’s the kicker; most women don’t even see the things they do as deceptive. It’s more like putting their best foot forward. Women want to feel sexy. Women want to look better in their clothes. Women want to be wanted especially on social media and these nights out on the town. Unfortunately, putting in this extra effort toward the goal of making a favorable impression includes a few (or several) add-ons. Funny thing about this is somehow someway this is the fault of men and they are doing all this for the satisfaction of men with is absolutely not the fucking truth. They do all they do because it’s believed it’s what men want. A phat ass has always been in high demand in the black community or for as far back as I can remember...but it wasn’t until J. Lo went pop along with them cheeks that the rest of the world started embracing phat asses. Fast forward 18 years (and 8 studio albums) later and here we are in the land of body shapers under bodycon dresses and 5’s pretending to be 10’s.  

And by cheating you’re fucking up the game and once again you don’t even know it. 

Most of you are too young to remember the Cherry scene from “I’m Gonna Git You Sucka” but YouTube is your friend. Basically,  Keenan Ivory Wayans took this girl home and she took her entire body off; wig, leg, breast, just all that shit.  

Unintentional catfishing is the leading cause of ghosting. Ok, it might not really be the leading cause because niggas still ain’t shit..but unintentional catfishing still plays a huge part of guy hitting that eject button post cheeks. By the way, ghosting is the act of ceasing all communication and contact with current partner/mate/fuck buddy/or whatever without any warning or justification. And here’s how it goes… 

You meet a guy whilst you’re out on the town and you’re all done up. Hair laid, face beat to the God’s, waist trainer on so tight if you stare at food you’ll crack a rib. You post the pre-outing selfie on the Gram, then your homies’ comments are an assortment of heart eyed emojis and “Yassss bitch, slay!”. You look so good you might Women Crush Wednesday yourself. That isn’t you though. Sorry it’s not and the unsuspecting guy you meet and exchange info with doesn’t know that’s not you either. The girl that you’re pretending to be is who he’s checking for. That’s the girl he’s trying to win over by pulling out all the stops and date 1 thru however many it takes to get to Netflix and chill is who keeps showing up. Then one day he wakes up next to the real you. The real you isn’t who he has been dating and that’s not what he signed up for...then he goes ghost. Pretty superficial isn’t it. Or is it? After all you laid the trap.   

The game is now lopsided.  

We all have a role to plan in life; a lane we’re supposed to stay in because it’s just the natural order of things but you women have been shaking that shit up. All you 4, 5 and 6’s have been jumping up to 7, 8 and 9’s either by camouflage or by scalpel. It’s like half of women who didn’t meet the criteria to be in VIP leveled up and now VIP is overflowing with women but no guys leveled up to balance it out. All the original fine women are still there and same guys that are 7, 8, 9 and 10’s (via the combination or physical attributes, money and social status) are still there as well. These top tier guys now have the pick of the litter because there’s a greater degree of competition. Meanwhile, the guys that were 4, 5, and 6’s before the women in their perspective lanes leveled up are still their vying for the affections of the women left in that arena. So while the basic chicks are getting rings, houses and dream weddings you’re on your 4th serious boyfriend in the last 3 years. Congratulations!

You’re catfish and now you know it
Jean DeGrate has spoken

5 Immediate and Crystal Clear Signs She Is NOT Checking For You

We men folk can be rather dense when it comes to the subtle and also not subtle hints members of the fairer sex may drop upon us. I know more time than not women aren’t always direct with their intensions towards us and their lack of interest; so it’s up to us to decipher when it’s time to fade away before we get the title of being lame and become a running joke for her and her close confidants. So here we go…

1. If you request a picture and she refers you to a social media account
First and foremost, women hate a “Send me a picture” guy, unless she likes you. If she likes you she’ll probably send you a random selfie or two just because. Now if you’re not lucky enough to already be in the “like” arena and your proposition is countered with “Just go to my IG” she’s not checking for. Don’t waste anymore of your unlimited text messaging efforts on her. Delete her contact info. Delete the text thread. Unfollow her on all social media and swiftly push any knowledge of her existence out of your head.

2. If every time you call her she has to call you right back but never does
She cares enough not to hit the end button but not enough to let you ring to voicemail and some women are very courteous like that. Whenever your info flashes across her caller ID instead of hitting the ignore button she picks up only to tell you “Can I call you right back?” she’s not about you. Stop calling. Stop texting. Just stop all together.

3. If she always has plans
You text on Tuesday trying to line something up for Saturday and she has to get back to you on that but never does. You call her on April 5th because it’s an epic 2 day Wine Festival on Memorial Day weekend and you need to get the tickets ASAP before they sellout but she’s out of town that weekend judging a pencil fighting competition in Pensacola Florida. You send her a Facebook invite to a cookout and she immediately declines if she even acknowledges it at all. She’s not checking for you and probably regrets giving you her contact info.

4. If she doesn’t respond to you on social media
You comment on her pictures on IG even when she posts memes from months ago. You say clever shit on her Facebook status updates. No matter what you do her response is always “crickets” but she’s blatantly interacting with others. Close up shop and move on brother. You’re in the sunken place.

5. If she indirectly insults you
She loves men with a clean cut but you have dreds. She prefers guys 6’2 and up but you’re 5’9. She likes a man that’s able to fix things with his hands but you’re a CPA and learned how to change a flat tire from watching a YouTube video. She’s vocal about the things she likes in men but most of those things don’t correlate to you? You’re not the exception to the rule. You’re the guy that she’s killing time with until Mr. 6’2 slides up on her at the next after work happy hour. You’re in the friendzone and you don’t even know it. Get out.

It’s not you; it's her, because she’s the one not checking for you
Jean DeGrate has spoken

4 April Fool’s Jokes Women Play Year Round

First, I know April fool’s day was yesterday. I was in Philly. Could I have dropped this the day before? Yes I could have if I would have actually written it then but I didn’t. Fight me. I mean are you going the read the blog or not? You are. So just enjoy it.

Second, I can see your true colors shining through on Facebook Snapchat. Unfortunately your true color is a very dark shade of ugly. Every morning there are fresh new videos and every morning I just have to click it to see you being ugly all over again. I’m a glutton for punishment. I might need help.

Third, the blog…

Women are by far my favorite tricksters followed closely by babies fake crying to get their way. They don’t get tired. They are pulling the wool over our eyes winter, summer, spring and fall and yup we keep falling for it. Ok let’s get on with it…

1. I “deserve”
I’ve said this before and I’m 100% sure I’ll say this again in my lifetime, but probably more like before the week is out. What men deserve and what women “deserve” in relationship varies greatly. We have to earn most of what we get very little is giving just because we “deserve” it. Ask any woman why she does what she does for her man and she’ll pull out a comprehensive list of attributes and task completed with dates included to warrant any privileges she has provided him. Ask a man why he does what he does for a woman and it will go a little something like this…
“She’s a good girl. I’m doing what a man is supposed to do. I’m old school. She deserves it.” And a series of other vague answers that are deeply rooted in who he is and how he defines himself as a man but not much about how she earned any of this. The swindle.

2. Unequal equality
Women love equality within reason. Just yesterday I watched a 4 minute video via Facebook where a woman shed real tears about having to change her own tire on the side of the road while several young men watched her struggle. She questioned the character of the new generation of men and wondered who was raising them. It was funny in an AAA membership doesn’t cost as much as you think it does type of way. The comment section was gold; men and women alike were bashing these young gentlemen for not being real men. See that’s how equality works for women, they want all the highlights and none of the tire changing. Paying on date? Man’s work. Hitting a man and getting hit back? A man should never lay hands on a woman. Standing on public transportation while men are seated? Oh no, he needs to offer that seat up quick. Now if we’re talking equal rights, equal pay and equal say so in a household where a man is expected to pay the majority if not all the bills they are here for that equality. We continue to drink the Kool Aid. Bottoms up.

3. Man of the house
Man of the house is a myth in a healthy modern relationship. You aren’t calling any shots and you got to shut the fuck up during “How to Get Away with Murder” or any other silly vagina friendly TV series (like Queen Sugar because women love Ralph Angel). You are going to be getting same old pussy and the same old attitude just paying the lion share of the bills because you’re just a man in the house. She can do bad all by herself so it’s a good thing you came along to lighten the load and allow her to flourish.

4. Real but not really real
Real - genuine and original, not artificial or synthetic… Well at least according to the good people at Webster-Merriam. A real man is just that a real man from the sole of his feet to the top of his head and everything is as it appears to be. A real man is a product of genetics, his environment, life experiences and time. Women love real men and often seek them out. A real woman on the other hand is bit harder to define because somehow weaves, body shapers, cosmetic surgery and whatever other upgrades they have out now doesn’t diminish the realness of a woman. Being a real woman is more of a state of mind over something you can actually touch and feel. From Jill Scott all the way to girl that got a boob job because she “loves” herself not for attention from men in passing. Insert several 100 emojis here.

Women keep hitting us with the Jedi mind trick and we go for it every time
Jean DeGrate has spoken