***Shout out to Panama Jackson of VSB I stole this blog from him***
Friday I was doing my daily visit to verysmartbrothas.com and my man Panama (I can say my man because I actually know this guy reallife.com) was talking about all the things he gave to females that he wish he could get back. I got to thinking; it’s a gang of shit that I’ve doled out to chicks over the years and how much I would love to have all that shit back.
Those 8 hours of sleep I gave up fucking with you
Girl from FaceBook, which I had something like a one night stand with, (and for the duration of this section you’ll be known as FBG). FBG I thought you had something I stayed up on the phone with you until 4am like I didn’t have to go to work the next morning. The next day I was drowsy as fuck doing a half assed job and spent most of my day sneaking naps in but I was cool with it because you seemed cool as shit. That following night you went from stand up chick to part-time roller with the help of a few glasses of Patron (you’re my nigga). I’m not mad that I got the pussy easy I’m mad you hyped that mediocre pussy up and I went to work a second day sleepy as fuck again. The silver lining is, that episode made a great story to tell the homies, many laughs were had thanks to you.
My Ricky Williams authentic jersey
Phat Butt waitress/stripper from the Rogue, after 2 weeks of trying to catch up after our initial outing I finally got up with you. You came thru the house at 3am and our options were limited so I had to do what I had to do. As soon as the deed was done you asked for a T-shirt to put on but not a single T shirt in my entire wardrobe could cover that phat ole ass. The longest items of clothing in my closet were a Ricky Williams’s authentic rookie jersey and trench coat. For a hot second I almost handed her that trench. The jersey went just one inch under them ass cheeks. When the sun came up she tossed those jeans on and walked smooth out of my door with that jersey on her back. Then she moved to GA on my ass. Not that I was ever going wear that jersey again but it was my first authentic. I copped it when jerseys just started getting hot. Now she’s probably in GA cutting grass and doing house chores in my shit. FedEx me that shit if you’re reading this.
My broom, dust pan, mop, wrench, hammer and 2 60 watt light bulbs
I had this ex from when I was in senior in high school, our relationship lasted all of about 2 months but we kept fucking off and on until she started borrowing miscellaneous shit and never bought any of it back. One day out the blue she calls and...
Ex - Hey where are you?
JD - I’m in the house working out what’s good?
Ex - You got a broom and dust pan I can borrow for a few hours?
JD - I guess (clearly confused why anybody would want to borrow a broom if they lived on the other side of town)
Ex - Cool I’ll be there in 20 minutes (On that ride she had to pass at least 6 spots that sold household items)
Almost 17 minutes later she was at my door 2 minutes after that she was walking back out my door with the broom, dust pan and a mop in hand. I never even noticed she had my broom and shit until one day I had to sweep and couldn’t find it. No biggie I ran to CVS and bought a new one. About 3 weeks later I get another call from her asking for a hammer, wrench and screwdrivers. She comes thru gets the hammer and wrench then rolls out. The very next day she calls for the light bulbs gets them and dips then just as she’s walking out my man Slick is walking up and says to her “You finally bringing that broom back huh”. She ignores the shit out of that man and keeps it moving. I called her cell on the spot to ask about my broom and shit and all she had to say was “Why you acting all petty over a fucking broom?” I had to cancel her on the spot she was stocking her house with my shit like I was her personal Free Home Depot. That mop she got off me was tight as shit it had a little ringer thing at the bottom of the mop so you didn’t have to stick your hands in the water.
Hey ladies if you out there hit me on FB I need that up off you
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Sunday, October 10, 2010
Friday, October 8, 2010
4 Great ways to save money
The economy is still fucked up just. Last week I read that 14.9% of the US lives below the poverty line and that’s like 1 in 9 people. I even know some college grads that are selling coffee right now at a Starbucks near you. We all need to cut some corners and save a buck or two so here’s a few tips from me to you.
Shitting at work
I do my best to exclusively chuck the deuce on company time; to me it’s fiscally irresponsible to do it anywhere else. If I do it at home not only I’m I not getting paid to shit, those toilet paper squares add up so I’m actually losing money. Bonus tip: if you work a lot of overtime when you drop the deuce you’re getting time and a half, for the win.
Drinking at home
I know a lot of people like to hit the happy hour with the one dollar drinks (which are really rubbing alcohol and juice, that’s why it burns so much going down) or those 5 dollar Top Shelf drinks and think they are getting a super bargain, or maybe you just like to socialize, well in that case, enjoy that happy hour. Now I’m not cheap but bars are making a killing. If I order a beer, they want 4 bucks but I could have 2 more bucks at the local Shop N Save for 2 more bucks. Let’s think; one happy hour beer for $4 or entire six-pack for $6. I’m still tripping off dropping 30 on a triple shot of 1800 when a 5th is only 24. Since then my kitchen strongly resembles a bar (seriously) and I have a 2 drink maximum when out and about.
Reading the news on my phone
I used to subscribe to the post and everyday on my way to the train station I used to pick up my paper. I’d be on the train flipping thru this 3’ by 2’ mess of ads coupons and articles on shit I’d never read. My hands would be grey and sometimes my white T would be too, if I wasn’t extra carefully. Now I fire that post right up on my phone for the low price of nothing; plus my phone fits in one hand with no mess.
Dating hood rats
I know what you’re thinking “JD come on son not the hood rats” but it’s perfectly sound reasoning behind it. Not all of us can afford to take Ms. New Booty out on the town and drop top dollar, times are harder than Pee-Wee Herman at a porn convention. Sometimes to get yours off you got to aim a little lower, well let’s not say lower let’s just say aim in a different direction (just in case I got any hood rats reading right now). You can easily drop 100 to 150 out on a date without trying but Ms Hood Rat doesn’t expect as much maybe 2 Four Loco’s, a bootleg movie and that shrimp and broccoli from Asian Express and your night will go right as rain for the total cost of about 35 bucks.
Even the guy on the $100 bill said “A penny saved is a penny earned”
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Shitting at work
I do my best to exclusively chuck the deuce on company time; to me it’s fiscally irresponsible to do it anywhere else. If I do it at home not only I’m I not getting paid to shit, those toilet paper squares add up so I’m actually losing money. Bonus tip: if you work a lot of overtime when you drop the deuce you’re getting time and a half, for the win.
Drinking at home
I know a lot of people like to hit the happy hour with the one dollar drinks (which are really rubbing alcohol and juice, that’s why it burns so much going down) or those 5 dollar Top Shelf drinks and think they are getting a super bargain, or maybe you just like to socialize, well in that case, enjoy that happy hour. Now I’m not cheap but bars are making a killing. If I order a beer, they want 4 bucks but I could have 2 more bucks at the local Shop N Save for 2 more bucks. Let’s think; one happy hour beer for $4 or entire six-pack for $6. I’m still tripping off dropping 30 on a triple shot of 1800 when a 5th is only 24. Since then my kitchen strongly resembles a bar (seriously) and I have a 2 drink maximum when out and about.
Reading the news on my phone
I used to subscribe to the post and everyday on my way to the train station I used to pick up my paper. I’d be on the train flipping thru this 3’ by 2’ mess of ads coupons and articles on shit I’d never read. My hands would be grey and sometimes my white T would be too, if I wasn’t extra carefully. Now I fire that post right up on my phone for the low price of nothing; plus my phone fits in one hand with no mess.
Dating hood rats
I know what you’re thinking “JD come on son not the hood rats” but it’s perfectly sound reasoning behind it. Not all of us can afford to take Ms. New Booty out on the town and drop top dollar, times are harder than Pee-Wee Herman at a porn convention. Sometimes to get yours off you got to aim a little lower, well let’s not say lower let’s just say aim in a different direction (just in case I got any hood rats reading right now). You can easily drop 100 to 150 out on a date without trying but Ms Hood Rat doesn’t expect as much maybe 2 Four Loco’s, a bootleg movie and that shrimp and broccoli from Asian Express and your night will go right as rain for the total cost of about 35 bucks.
Even the guy on the $100 bill said “A penny saved is a penny earned”
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Friday, October 1, 2010
What Really Grinds My Gears: Music Edition
Mixtapes
Without question I’m going to say “The War” and “The Problem” are the best tracks Wale ever made period (if you don’t agree with me write your own blog disproving me). I’m not a super Wale fan but this dude went into the booth and made two great fucking songs but these track weren’t featured on any CD, nope a mixtape you can download for free. Wale’s CD went triple wood and it was ok but his mixtapes shit on “Attention Deficit”. Then at the same time we got Chris Brown with the number 1 single in America “Deuces” and it’s off of another mixtape, when his album went aluminum. Artist seem to give their all on mixtapes putting out the greatest tracks you’ll probably never hear and when it comes to making music to make money not so much.
Subpar Video Hoes
It was a time when I turn to MTV Jams and I’d see some of the baddest half dressed women dancing around. Almost made me want to befriend a rapper (I couldn’t be an actual rapper I’m really quite shy when I’m not insulting people). Now I turn on the TV and I see the most run of mill average looking joints; prime example is the Roscoe Dash, Waka and Wale No Hands video. Some of the joints even look like they might smell bad. What the fuck happened to the plethora fine joins that was bouncing around in the Hey Papi video? Are there no new Melyssa Ford’s, no new Bria Myles’? Instead I get videos full of chicks that could work 3 cubicles over me. I don’t want that shit on my TV. Ya’ll are giving these middle of the road chicks hope. Somebody needs to hire me as a casting director I’ll weed all these 5’s and 6’s out of the lot and have those 7’s and 8’s on standby.
Jay-Z
You worship the devil; cool do you. I hope you get a cool spot in hell. You’re a Free Mason; that’s great I’ve never been into that whole male secret society thing but if that you’re thing go with it. You’re part of Illuminati; I hear some spooky shit about them folks but who am I to knock you. All this might be hearsay and bullshit or it might be that real talk, not that I give a fuck either way but I am tired of Mr. Carter feeding into it. “Bitch I said I was amazing; not that I’m a Mason” - Jay-Z, but you damn sure didn’t say I’m not a Mason or I’m part of Illuminati instead you just feed the theory by not clearly saying yes or no. You can play this one of three ways...
1. Say “Yep I’m in on that shit how ya’ll think I got so paid and powerful”
2. Say “Nah I’m not part of any of that crazy shit they should have never gave you niggas the internet” Or...
3. (My personal favorite) shut the fuck about it. Stop putting bullets next to the Cross in videos. Stop saying slick shit that can be taken as a clever way to say “I’m down with Satan and them” and having dudes dressed like Taliban executioners holding torches and shit.
Release date push backs
How long doesn’t it really take to drop a CD? I’m going to assume it’s all recorded mastered and ready to hit the selves when you drop that first single. So if you got 3 singles with videos and a remix or two you might want to drop that CD (I’m looking at you Diddy I know the other members of Dirty Money don’t have a voice). Why is that shit not on the self of my local record store? You don’t know me either. Jeezy was supposed to drop TM3 on 9/28 instead he gave me a so so mixtape. You want know why people ain’t moving no units? Mixtape and release date push back you build up this buzz give away shit loads of free music then push your release date back to November 31st.
I’m starting my own label with no mixtapes fine bitches and no release push backs
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Without question I’m going to say “The War” and “The Problem” are the best tracks Wale ever made period (if you don’t agree with me write your own blog disproving me). I’m not a super Wale fan but this dude went into the booth and made two great fucking songs but these track weren’t featured on any CD, nope a mixtape you can download for free. Wale’s CD went triple wood and it was ok but his mixtapes shit on “Attention Deficit”. Then at the same time we got Chris Brown with the number 1 single in America “Deuces” and it’s off of another mixtape, when his album went aluminum. Artist seem to give their all on mixtapes putting out the greatest tracks you’ll probably never hear and when it comes to making music to make money not so much.
Subpar Video Hoes
It was a time when I turn to MTV Jams and I’d see some of the baddest half dressed women dancing around. Almost made me want to befriend a rapper (I couldn’t be an actual rapper I’m really quite shy when I’m not insulting people). Now I turn on the TV and I see the most run of mill average looking joints; prime example is the Roscoe Dash, Waka and Wale No Hands video. Some of the joints even look like they might smell bad. What the fuck happened to the plethora fine joins that was bouncing around in the Hey Papi video? Are there no new Melyssa Ford’s, no new Bria Myles’? Instead I get videos full of chicks that could work 3 cubicles over me. I don’t want that shit on my TV. Ya’ll are giving these middle of the road chicks hope. Somebody needs to hire me as a casting director I’ll weed all these 5’s and 6’s out of the lot and have those 7’s and 8’s on standby.
Jay-Z
You worship the devil; cool do you. I hope you get a cool spot in hell. You’re a Free Mason; that’s great I’ve never been into that whole male secret society thing but if that you’re thing go with it. You’re part of Illuminati; I hear some spooky shit about them folks but who am I to knock you. All this might be hearsay and bullshit or it might be that real talk, not that I give a fuck either way but I am tired of Mr. Carter feeding into it. “Bitch I said I was amazing; not that I’m a Mason” - Jay-Z, but you damn sure didn’t say I’m not a Mason or I’m part of Illuminati instead you just feed the theory by not clearly saying yes or no. You can play this one of three ways...
1. Say “Yep I’m in on that shit how ya’ll think I got so paid and powerful”
2. Say “Nah I’m not part of any of that crazy shit they should have never gave you niggas the internet” Or...
3. (My personal favorite) shut the fuck about it. Stop putting bullets next to the Cross in videos. Stop saying slick shit that can be taken as a clever way to say “I’m down with Satan and them” and having dudes dressed like Taliban executioners holding torches and shit.
Release date push backs
How long doesn’t it really take to drop a CD? I’m going to assume it’s all recorded mastered and ready to hit the selves when you drop that first single. So if you got 3 singles with videos and a remix or two you might want to drop that CD (I’m looking at you Diddy I know the other members of Dirty Money don’t have a voice). Why is that shit not on the self of my local record store? You don’t know me either. Jeezy was supposed to drop TM3 on 9/28 instead he gave me a so so mixtape. You want know why people ain’t moving no units? Mixtape and release date push back you build up this buzz give away shit loads of free music then push your release date back to November 31st.
I’m starting my own label with no mixtapes fine bitches and no release push backs
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Friday, September 24, 2010
Insults are new the compliments
*** Side note - Shout out to the dude that invented tights that look like jeans and shout out to girls who rock them when their shape is on smash. I know you just standing there minding your business but damn girl it looks like you’re doing wrong especially when your pants look painted on. ***
Me and random big butt chick (RBBC) standing in the break room as I buy a Coke with all nickels (yeah this might take a while).
Jean DeGrate - How tall are you?
RBBC - 5 feet and a quarter inch... hold on with or without heels?
JD - Well I was already thinking you’re pretty fucking short then I noticed you have on heels so I had to know how tall you were. You’re like 3 microwaves tall.
RBBC - Short is in
JD - Yeah everywhere except amusement parks
RBBC - Hold I can get on all the rides
JD - I'm going to need some pictures or some video footage on that, I just can’t chance that
RBBC - You don’t believe me
JD - Sorry I don’t know too many trustworthy midgets. But look on the Brightside you never need extra leg room. (As I walk out of the break room icy cold Coke in hand)
When I looked back at her she was all smiles like she just saw the Antoine Dodson YouTube clip for the first time. That got me to thinking “when was the last time I actually paid a female a real compliment?” I’m drawing a blank here but that’s probably because I’m an asshole and I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most (so I think it’s time for a toast, Kanye). But has it stop me from attracting females without showering them with flattering remarks or being able to whisper sweet nothings into their ears while in close quarters? No not at all. Why you ask; because compliments are played (this is true unless you giving them Maino compliments “You the baddest bitch in here” which really goes across in a different light and may not be considered a compliment at all).
Too many variables
Compliments are done because its way too many variables on how it goes over. If an ugly dude compliments any chick (no matter how busted she might be herself) it will carry less weight simply because of who’s delivering it. Almost any nice thing that has been said before so every time you open your mouth with something sweet she’s heard it before. Compliments work the best when you aren’t trying to make a move on the subject of the compliment and that kind of defeats the purpose of it to start with. On the other hand a well delivered insult can turn any head no matter who it’s coming from. Making ill-mannered statements to members of the opposite sex has been immensely successful for me; I once referred to a female as “Big Head” during an entire outing and still smashed. I even get better results when I insult better looking and/or more confident women.
So go head make a snide comment with a smirk on your face disguised as a joke, if she doesn’t find it funny fuck it she probably wasn’t going to give you the time of day anyway. On second thought don’t listen to me I don’t want nobody getting smacked and blaming me for it if I’m not there to see it.
Insults are new the compliments, for me at least ,try at your own risk.
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Me and random big butt chick (RBBC) standing in the break room as I buy a Coke with all nickels (yeah this might take a while).
Jean DeGrate - How tall are you?
RBBC - 5 feet and a quarter inch... hold on with or without heels?
JD - Well I was already thinking you’re pretty fucking short then I noticed you have on heels so I had to know how tall you were. You’re like 3 microwaves tall.
RBBC - Short is in
JD - Yeah everywhere except amusement parks
RBBC - Hold I can get on all the rides
JD - I'm going to need some pictures or some video footage on that, I just can’t chance that
RBBC - You don’t believe me
JD - Sorry I don’t know too many trustworthy midgets. But look on the Brightside you never need extra leg room. (As I walk out of the break room icy cold Coke in hand)
When I looked back at her she was all smiles like she just saw the Antoine Dodson YouTube clip for the first time. That got me to thinking “when was the last time I actually paid a female a real compliment?” I’m drawing a blank here but that’s probably because I’m an asshole and I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most (so I think it’s time for a toast, Kanye). But has it stop me from attracting females without showering them with flattering remarks or being able to whisper sweet nothings into their ears while in close quarters? No not at all. Why you ask; because compliments are played (this is true unless you giving them Maino compliments “You the baddest bitch in here” which really goes across in a different light and may not be considered a compliment at all).
Too many variables
Compliments are done because its way too many variables on how it goes over. If an ugly dude compliments any chick (no matter how busted she might be herself) it will carry less weight simply because of who’s delivering it. Almost any nice thing that has been said before so every time you open your mouth with something sweet she’s heard it before. Compliments work the best when you aren’t trying to make a move on the subject of the compliment and that kind of defeats the purpose of it to start with. On the other hand a well delivered insult can turn any head no matter who it’s coming from. Making ill-mannered statements to members of the opposite sex has been immensely successful for me; I once referred to a female as “Big Head” during an entire outing and still smashed. I even get better results when I insult better looking and/or more confident women.
So go head make a snide comment with a smirk on your face disguised as a joke, if she doesn’t find it funny fuck it she probably wasn’t going to give you the time of day anyway. On second thought don’t listen to me I don’t want nobody getting smacked and blaming me for it if I’m not there to see it.
Insults are new the compliments, for me at least ,try at your own risk.
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Monday, September 20, 2010
What Do You Bring to The Table?
So I’m on an ex-girlfriend’s Facebook page, where she and her homies are going in on what men don’t bring to the table. Her exact status read “If you don’t have anything to bring to the table then don’t sit”. She goes on further to say “I guess this is why everybody is single... because men lost sight of their role as the provider. Just because women are working and handling their business, does that give men the right to slack off? Don’t back down, man up and accept the challenge.” Ok my first thought was “BITCH what do you bring to the table?” but I opted not to put that on her status.
I’m a provider
I provide for my daughter. I got a doll house in my living room with Barbie and all her homies chilling in it. I put food in her belly, clothes on her back, fulfill all her needs and do my best to cover all her wants, meaning when she points at some shit on TV I buy that. Then again; she’s my child, she’s my family I’m obliged to take care of her needs; as I am to hold my brother and mother down if need be. So yeah I’m a fucking provider for my family.
What will I provide for you?
You want drinks, dinner, maybe a movie or a night out on the town? Cool, I got all that, we don’t even have to wait to payday we can go today. I also provide good conversation that will keep you up the wee hours of the morning and having you feeling like you’re in high school all over again. I’ve been know put a smile on the face of the opposite sex from time to time, even invoke a chuckle or two. At the end of the day I provide entertainment and companionship but I also expect the same out of chick sitting at the other side of the dinner table.
Ms New Booty or Ms Current Booty or Ms Not My Wife/Fiancée
My last W-2 puts me at 100k+, but guess what your cut of that is? Guess how much I’ll be putting on your light bill/cable bill/rent for a place that I don’t turn a key at? Guess how much I’ll be dropping on your nails/hair? Guess how much I’m willing to spend to upgrade your wardrobe/shoe game? Not a muthafucking dime. I don’t trick PERIOD! If I got to reach in my pocket to upgrade your lifestyle yeah you got the wrong dude.
I’m not that guy
Jean DeGrate has spoken
I’m a provider
I provide for my daughter. I got a doll house in my living room with Barbie and all her homies chilling in it. I put food in her belly, clothes on her back, fulfill all her needs and do my best to cover all her wants, meaning when she points at some shit on TV I buy that. Then again; she’s my child, she’s my family I’m obliged to take care of her needs; as I am to hold my brother and mother down if need be. So yeah I’m a fucking provider for my family.
What will I provide for you?
You want drinks, dinner, maybe a movie or a night out on the town? Cool, I got all that, we don’t even have to wait to payday we can go today. I also provide good conversation that will keep you up the wee hours of the morning and having you feeling like you’re in high school all over again. I’ve been know put a smile on the face of the opposite sex from time to time, even invoke a chuckle or two. At the end of the day I provide entertainment and companionship but I also expect the same out of chick sitting at the other side of the dinner table.
Ms New Booty or Ms Current Booty or Ms Not My Wife/Fiancée
My last W-2 puts me at 100k+, but guess what your cut of that is? Guess how much I’ll be putting on your light bill/cable bill/rent for a place that I don’t turn a key at? Guess how much I’ll be dropping on your nails/hair? Guess how much I’m willing to spend to upgrade your wardrobe/shoe game? Not a muthafucking dime. I don’t trick PERIOD! If I got to reach in my pocket to upgrade your lifestyle yeah you got the wrong dude.
I’m not that guy
Jean DeGrate has spoken
Friday, September 17, 2010
Oh So Random
Self Hate.
I hate my feet. They are really ugly, not that I desire to have pretty feet, but less hideous feet would be a plus. My feet strongly resemble a pair of Copper Foamposites that are kind of scuffed up, but I got a quick fix for that, I wear shoes and never ever ever ever take off my socks around a woman until after I get the pussy. I also hate my voice, if it wasn’t for the plethora of clever shit that comes of my mouth I wouldn’t talk at all. Like seriously I’d take up sign language and get a mean text game. My good friend Fatz once compared my voice to static.
Dating girls with strange names.
I really need to date more women with exotic/hood/foreign names. It’s like 1000 Nicole Smith’s in the DC area (I fucked about 4 of them) but do you know how hard it is to track down a Nicole Smith via FaceBook? It’s fucking impossible I’d need the cast from CSI, NCIS and Colombo to stand a fighting chance. From this day on I will never fuck another Nicole Smith as long as I live. I need me a chick with a name that begins with a “Z” like Zazumie.
All in My City’s Politics.
Primary election day has come and gone and all these “DMV” people (Non-DC Residents) were deeply interested in REAL DC residents’ mayoral politics and what not. Let me ask you this who’s the mayor/congressman/county councilman of Rockville or Bethesda or Hyattsville or Camp Springs or Clinton or Any town in near by MD? You don’t know that shit do you? That’s where you pay taxes at, but I got Go-Go band leaders living in Capitol Heights all on my radio pushing Fenty and these suburbanites all on my Twitter and FaceBook pushing Vince Gray. Fuck you. Stay in your lane and that lane is Seat Pleasant, MD. I don’t give a fuck who’s running for county sheriff in PG county, so why the fuck you care what’s happening over here.
And this is what happens when you just start typing
Jean DeGrate ain’t said shit
I hate my feet. They are really ugly, not that I desire to have pretty feet, but less hideous feet would be a plus. My feet strongly resemble a pair of Copper Foamposites that are kind of scuffed up, but I got a quick fix for that, I wear shoes and never ever ever ever take off my socks around a woman until after I get the pussy. I also hate my voice, if it wasn’t for the plethora of clever shit that comes of my mouth I wouldn’t talk at all. Like seriously I’d take up sign language and get a mean text game. My good friend Fatz once compared my voice to static.
Dating girls with strange names.
I really need to date more women with exotic/hood/foreign names. It’s like 1000 Nicole Smith’s in the DC area (I fucked about 4 of them) but do you know how hard it is to track down a Nicole Smith via FaceBook? It’s fucking impossible I’d need the cast from CSI, NCIS and Colombo to stand a fighting chance. From this day on I will never fuck another Nicole Smith as long as I live. I need me a chick with a name that begins with a “Z” like Zazumie.
All in My City’s Politics.
Primary election day has come and gone and all these “DMV” people (Non-DC Residents) were deeply interested in REAL DC residents’ mayoral politics and what not. Let me ask you this who’s the mayor/congressman/county councilman of Rockville or Bethesda or Hyattsville or Camp Springs or Clinton or Any town in near by MD? You don’t know that shit do you? That’s where you pay taxes at, but I got Go-Go band leaders living in Capitol Heights all on my radio pushing Fenty and these suburbanites all on my Twitter and FaceBook pushing Vince Gray. Fuck you. Stay in your lane and that lane is Seat Pleasant, MD. I don’t give a fuck who’s running for county sheriff in PG county, so why the fuck you care what’s happening over here.
And this is what happens when you just start typing
Jean DeGrate ain’t said shit
Friday, September 10, 2010
Our First Day of School
First off the teacher’s aid had a lace front bob and a slight mustache... now on with the blog.
I remember my first day of public school in the states, it was a fucking nightmare I cried and cried and cried. And that was before my mother left me in the classroom full of ugly kids. Apparently Madi is immune to ugly people, she grew up in the states all her life so she’s accustom to bald headed little girls with sparse cornrows, bearded/mustached women and little boys with bad braids that look months old. Madi is also an anti-social ass, if you’re talking to her and she doesn’t know you she automatically shuts down. She’s used to doing things on her own time so she wasn’t really getting into the groove of the structure they were trying to lay down but her acting out isn’t even noteworthy.
Standing outside of the club I mean the school...
Maybe mommies didn’t dress like this when I was I little rug rat or I just wasn't paying attention, either way my eyes are open now. These mothers were dressed to party, maybe it’s a Monday morning breakfast club I don’t know about. Every 4th chick toting a child behind her had them titties out and front cleavage on blast. Short skirts and high heals; tight jeans and low cut shirts I almost wanted to ask “Where you about to go? Where you work at?”
Daddy you’re a joke...
The entire class room was quiet except for the teacher introducing Mr. Butterfly, then my man Ian stands up and turns to his dad and says “Daddy you’re a joke” loudly. It took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I actually felt my body temperature rising while holding back the laughter. That was just the beginning with my man Ian who looked as if he was a baby linebacker. He wasn’t going for shit anyone was telling him. You want me to sit criss-cross applesauce (Pre-k for Indian style), FUCK THAT I'm going to stand here and look at you stupid. Oh dad you going to force me to sit down well you are going to have to stand here and hold me down because as soon as you let go I’m back up doing me. Its book reading time, FUCK THAT and FUCK THAT hungry caterpillar it’s time for me to play with these blocks. I spent most of my day waiting for Ian to pop off than I did listening to the teacher.
Old lady with the goatee don’t put that play food in your mouth...
Some poor little girl who is way too young to be embarrassed had the awful luck to have her bearded grandmother escort her to the first day of school. Grandma spent more time adjusting those droopy grandma titties than she did interacting with her grandchild. When she finally got them titties perfectly adjusted her grandchild and my daughter just happen to be at the same play station (the kitchen). Her granddaughter served her plate after plate of plastic food and this old biddy put her poly-grip dentures on every fake pea carrot and piece of chicken she got handed. I wanted to pour hand sanitizer in her mouth and yell “stop biting the play food you old fool”.
Yeah I wish I could get me a part time gig as an assistant principal
Jean DeGrate AKA Mr Feenie
I remember my first day of public school in the states, it was a fucking nightmare I cried and cried and cried. And that was before my mother left me in the classroom full of ugly kids. Apparently Madi is immune to ugly people, she grew up in the states all her life so she’s accustom to bald headed little girls with sparse cornrows, bearded/mustached women and little boys with bad braids that look months old. Madi is also an anti-social ass, if you’re talking to her and she doesn’t know you she automatically shuts down. She’s used to doing things on her own time so she wasn’t really getting into the groove of the structure they were trying to lay down but her acting out isn’t even noteworthy.
Standing outside of the club I mean the school...
Maybe mommies didn’t dress like this when I was I little rug rat or I just wasn't paying attention, either way my eyes are open now. These mothers were dressed to party, maybe it’s a Monday morning breakfast club I don’t know about. Every 4th chick toting a child behind her had them titties out and front cleavage on blast. Short skirts and high heals; tight jeans and low cut shirts I almost wanted to ask “Where you about to go? Where you work at?”
Daddy you’re a joke...
The entire class room was quiet except for the teacher introducing Mr. Butterfly, then my man Ian stands up and turns to his dad and says “Daddy you’re a joke” loudly. It took every fiber in my body not to laugh. I actually felt my body temperature rising while holding back the laughter. That was just the beginning with my man Ian who looked as if he was a baby linebacker. He wasn’t going for shit anyone was telling him. You want me to sit criss-cross applesauce (Pre-k for Indian style), FUCK THAT I'm going to stand here and look at you stupid. Oh dad you going to force me to sit down well you are going to have to stand here and hold me down because as soon as you let go I’m back up doing me. Its book reading time, FUCK THAT and FUCK THAT hungry caterpillar it’s time for me to play with these blocks. I spent most of my day waiting for Ian to pop off than I did listening to the teacher.
Old lady with the goatee don’t put that play food in your mouth...
Some poor little girl who is way too young to be embarrassed had the awful luck to have her bearded grandmother escort her to the first day of school. Grandma spent more time adjusting those droopy grandma titties than she did interacting with her grandchild. When she finally got them titties perfectly adjusted her grandchild and my daughter just happen to be at the same play station (the kitchen). Her granddaughter served her plate after plate of plastic food and this old biddy put her poly-grip dentures on every fake pea carrot and piece of chicken she got handed. I wanted to pour hand sanitizer in her mouth and yell “stop biting the play food you old fool”.
Yeah I wish I could get me a part time gig as an assistant principal
Jean DeGrate AKA Mr Feenie
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