The economy is still fucked up just. Last week I read that 14.9% of the US lives below the poverty line and that’s like 1 in 9 people. I even know some college grads that are selling coffee right now at a Starbucks near you. We all need to cut some corners and save a buck or two so here’s a few tips from me to you.
Shitting at work
I do my best to exclusively chuck the deuce on company time; to me it’s fiscally irresponsible to do it anywhere else. If I do it at home not only I’m I not getting paid to shit, those toilet paper squares add up so I’m actually losing money. Bonus tip: if you work a lot of overtime when you drop the deuce you’re getting time and a half, for the win.
Drinking at home
I know a lot of people like to hit the happy hour with the one dollar drinks (which are really rubbing alcohol and juice, that’s why it burns so much going down) or those 5 dollar Top Shelf drinks and think they are getting a super bargain, or maybe you just like to socialize, well in that case, enjoy that happy hour. Now I’m not cheap but bars are making a killing. If I order a beer, they want 4 bucks but I could have 2 more bucks at the local Shop N Save for 2 more bucks. Let’s think; one happy hour beer for $4 or entire six-pack for $6. I’m still tripping off dropping 30 on a triple shot of 1800 when a 5th is only 24. Since then my kitchen strongly resembles a bar (seriously) and I have a 2 drink maximum when out and about.
Reading the news on my phone
I used to subscribe to the post and everyday on my way to the train station I used to pick up my paper. I’d be on the train flipping thru this 3’ by 2’ mess of ads coupons and articles on shit I’d never read. My hands would be grey and sometimes my white T would be too, if I wasn’t extra carefully. Now I fire that post right up on my phone for the low price of nothing; plus my phone fits in one hand with no mess.
Dating hood rats
I know what you’re thinking “JD come on son not the hood rats” but it’s perfectly sound reasoning behind it. Not all of us can afford to take Ms. New Booty out on the town and drop top dollar, times are harder than Pee-Wee Herman at a porn convention. Sometimes to get yours off you got to aim a little lower, well let’s not say lower let’s just say aim in a different direction (just in case I got any hood rats reading right now). You can easily drop 100 to 150 out on a date without trying but Ms Hood Rat doesn’t expect as much maybe 2 Four Loco’s, a bootleg movie and that shrimp and broccoli from Asian Express and your night will go right as rain for the total cost of about 35 bucks.
Even the guy on the $100 bill said “A penny saved is a penny earned”
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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