*** Side note - Shout out to the dude that invented tights that look like jeans and shout out to girls who rock them when their shape is on smash. I know you just standing there minding your business but damn girl it looks like you’re doing wrong especially when your pants look painted on. ***
Me and random big butt chick (RBBC) standing in the break room as I buy a Coke with all nickels (yeah this might take a while).
Jean DeGrate - How tall are you?
RBBC - 5 feet and a quarter inch... hold on with or without heels?
JD - Well I was already thinking you’re pretty fucking short then I noticed you have on heels so I had to know how tall you were. You’re like 3 microwaves tall.
RBBC - Short is in
JD - Yeah everywhere except amusement parks
RBBC - Hold I can get on all the rides
JD - I'm going to need some pictures or some video footage on that, I just can’t chance that
RBBC - You don’t believe me
JD - Sorry I don’t know too many trustworthy midgets. But look on the Brightside you never need extra leg room. (As I walk out of the break room icy cold Coke in hand)
When I looked back at her she was all smiles like she just saw the Antoine Dodson YouTube clip for the first time. That got me to thinking “when was the last time I actually paid a female a real compliment?” I’m drawing a blank here but that’s probably because I’m an asshole and I’m so gifted at finding what I don’t like the most (so I think it’s time for a toast, Kanye). But has it stop me from attracting females without showering them with flattering remarks or being able to whisper sweet nothings into their ears while in close quarters? No not at all. Why you ask; because compliments are played (this is true unless you giving them Maino compliments “You the baddest bitch in here” which really goes across in a different light and may not be considered a compliment at all).
Too many variables
Compliments are done because its way too many variables on how it goes over. If an ugly dude compliments any chick (no matter how busted she might be herself) it will carry less weight simply because of who’s delivering it. Almost any nice thing that has been said before so every time you open your mouth with something sweet she’s heard it before. Compliments work the best when you aren’t trying to make a move on the subject of the compliment and that kind of defeats the purpose of it to start with. On the other hand a well delivered insult can turn any head no matter who it’s coming from. Making ill-mannered statements to members of the opposite sex has been immensely successful for me; I once referred to a female as “Big Head” during an entire outing and still smashed. I even get better results when I insult better looking and/or more confident women.
So go head make a snide comment with a smirk on your face disguised as a joke, if she doesn’t find it funny fuck it she probably wasn’t going to give you the time of day anyway. On second thought don’t listen to me I don’t want nobody getting smacked and blaming me for it if I’m not there to see it.
Insults are new the compliments, for me at least ,try at your own risk.
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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that's cuz you're a douchebag.
ReplyDeleteThis is funny because it is very true. I went on a date a couple of months ago and I took off my shoes and the dude was like, "Ummm what size shoe do you wear?" And I was so taken aback because we were talking about a totally different topic. I did laugh, though, because it was funny and so interesting that he would notice and have the nerve to comment when he had just met me. It is true though; People always say my toes look long. It made me look at the guy in a totally different way. Like he actually wasn't passive and maybe had a little bit of a backbone.
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