I love a good finesse. I’m not a scammer but if scamming was a spectator sport I’d be all for that shit. I might even take a scamming class just to get a better understanding of the scam. Some of my favorite movies are finesse films, like Ocean’s 11 and The Usual Suspects. But you know what’s better than a finesse movie? A historical finesse. A celebrated finesse. Finesses so great that people can’t even see it as a finesse. They are literally dripping in finesse; word to Bruno Mars.
1. The birth of Jesus Christ
I’m Catholic but I’m not stupid and ya’ll can miss me with all that “God moves in mysterious ways” shit. I know a finesse when I see one. I just imagine myself in the position of Step Daddy Joseph when my wife came home to tell me she’s pregnant by God especially since God created a fully grown man out of clay. Why wouldn’t he take this tried and proven path again is beyond me. The sice game Mary laid down had to be legendary. Not only did his “virgin” wife come home pregnant on the day of the child’s birth 3 other dudes pulled up with gifts and shit and to top it all off, somehow someway, Joseph stuck around to raise that kid. What does a baby need with myrrh? Ya’ll putting perfume on infants? Weird flex but oh ok.
2. Thanksgiving
Even though this is number 2 on this list it’s clearly number 1. I’m just typing these up as they fall out of head. Little known fact about me… I don’t have an outline like ever. Do what you like with that info. The Pilgrims rolled up on Plymouth Rock and finessed the Native Americans out of an entire country. The entire Western movie genre was based on making Native Americans out to be the bad guy. I might have seen 10 legit Native Americans in real life and this is their country. I know as I’m writing this some of you are still eating leftovers from the celebration of the greatest finesse of all times.
3. Kim Kardashian (and the rest of the Kardashian Mafia)
I don’t know what Kim Kardashian does. Kim Kardashian doesn’t know what Kim Kardashian does. Kim Kardashian can’t even explain to her children why she is famous. Her dad wasn’t even OJ’s lawyer he was a homie that read a letter to the press. Fast forward 10 years and Kim becomes Paris Hitlon’s personal concierge and foot masseuse then BOOM she “leaks” a lackluster sextape with Ray J and then Ryan Seacrest gave her a reality TV show. Now she’s wildly famous and wildly rich. She even married the artist formerly known as Kanye West.
4. Drinks in the club
My drink of choice in these streets is a double shot of Johnnie Walker Black Label with a splash of ginger ale. It typically runs me anywhere from $18 to $26 depending on the venue; once I throw in a tip it might be a $30 drink. What’s in a double shot exactly? 3 ounces of liquor and a lot of ice cubes giving you the impression that your glass is full; it’s a lot like the air in a bag of potato chips. Funny thing is a fifth of Black Label is about $30 bucks which translates into 8.5 double shots. This isn’t just true for my drink of choice; it’s true for all of them. The mark up is incredible. For the price of a beer you could get a 6 pack at your local corner store. For the price of a bottle of Hennessy you could get 10 bottles from your local liquor store. And we all know this but we still pull up to the club and slam down hard earned cash for a 500% markup on average.
5. Car Insurance
I have a 1996 Lexus SC 300. It’s a car I wanted when I first started touching money but I didn’t have a way to explain this money. I used to fantasize about pulling up in this car (and the 92 Acura Legend coupe and the 90 Nissan 300zx to be fair). Anyway I got the car about 9 years ago drove it around town and then parked in 2014. Side note if you let a car sit for 4 years everything is going to break. It only took like $3500 and 6 months to get this car road ready again. So all of this had me doing the math on everything I’ve put into this car and it shocked me to find out I’ve paid more in car insurance than anything else and this car has never been in an accident. I dropped just under 10k for the possibility of something happening and they aren’t going to give you any of that money back. State Farm is taking your money month after month, year after year; just in case of shit.
What’s on your top 5?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
No comments:
Post a Comment