Roommates VS Kids

There’re certain things women should require out of men; being STD free, having a legal source of income, and having at least a high school diploma are just a few of the bare minimum requirements. I can't argue any of these things, and I love to argue. But, when it comes to your arbitrary requirements in regards to a man’s living arrangements, I don't see where you're coming from, especially if you're a single mom. (Need I remind you that 70% of single women are just that?) You may frown on the guy living in the conversion van parked in the vacated lot behind Giant. I can respect that. You may look down upon the guy currently sleeping on his homie’s pullout couch. I can see why. You could, with good reason, stay away from the dude still splitting a room with his younger brother. That makes perfect sense. But, word on the street is that grown men can't have roommates now?
 
I used to have roommates
At one point in my life, as a grown ass man, I lived with 3 other dudes: Fatz, Slick, and my younger brother. The situation only lasted about 8 months, but on the real, it was like a 7 and a half month happy hour. We held a poker game every Sunday. We were working out 4 days a week. There was always beer and bacon in the fridge. Niggas used to get up and take turns cooking breakfast. Most importantly, having roommates never EVER got in the way of me getting any cheeks. If I had action lined up, I'd shoot a text to somebody at the house, and by the time the lady of the night and I walked thru the door, all was calm on the home front. We call that “Man Law”. Your roommate will never be the reason you couldn't get the cheeks.  A few of you bitches would give the cheeks to the dude living in the conversion van at Giant, but hey…. That’s another blog.
 
Is who you live with taking from the pot or adding to it
Living with another person who's going half on the bills is a big plus. If I didn't have a child, I wouldn't mind splitting a spot it with a homie. Cutting your living expenses in half changes all types of shit. You can get on the money team now. You can cop that leather Haverty's sectional with the matching chair and send that plaid Rent-A-Center cloth couch back. You don't have to settle for that 1 bedroom in the trap; you can still save $200 a month and live in the good part of town. Aren't you thankful that you don't have to say a prayer every night hoping your car doesn't get stolen? Besides upgrading your house to a better location with flat screens, surround sound, and Blu-Ray players, you'll have more spending money. Instead of eating Carry Out in your one bedroom while watching bootlegs, you can actually afford to go out to eat and watch movies in the actual theatre. That IMAX shit is incredible, but it's also 18 bucks a ticket. Never forget: 18 bucks, living that on that struggle life, equals a large shrimp & broccoli, a 2 liter Rock Creek soda, and 1 bootleg.
 
Now, on to these kids…
 
Interaction with her kids
Talking to kids that don't know you might be the most painfully awkward shit in life. No matter how rudely that little bastard responds (if he doesn’t just ignore your existence all together), you have to eat that shit and keep smiling. "Hey little man, how you doing?" *Blank stare* "You playing video games?" *Blank stare* "Oh, I guess you're just shy." No, he isn't shy at all; he doesn't give a flying fuck about you or that small talk you're kicking. You're not his father or the last boyfriend he got cool with so… fuck you. "Mommy, I don't like this man; where's Wallace, mommy?" The roommate would never make a woman feel unwanted.
 
Kids are cock blockers
Kids do the darndest things, and by “darndest”, I mean the most fucked up, hating ass shit you can possibly think of. Once, a little boy literally came into the room and hopped in the bed while his mother was kissing the tip.  I never heard the door open; it just so happened that I opened my eyes to see his 3-year-old hands grabbing the edge of the bed. "Oh shit; your son is in here." "Mommy, I just wanted to give you a hug." A motherfucking hug… at 3am… word? His little kid spidey sense went off as soon as her clothes came off. Fact: kids don't want you to fuck their moms. Roommates want you to get the cheeks.
 
Kids put your wallet in a chokehold
You're dead tired; you've been working 12 hours days because Lil’ Jamal and Lisa need new bunk beds and shit. Roommates buy their own furniture. Mom isn't watching the kids anymore so you have to pay your neighbor $15 an hour to watch the seeds. Even if you're getting a free meal and movie, you're still down $75, and you have to be home by 1am. Roommates don't require babysitters; if you leave one home alone, he won't set the house on fire, and nobody will call CPS on you. Your utilities are high because Lisa keeps the heat on 80, and Lil’ Jamal is up all night every night on the computer doing "homework". Roommates pay their share when those bills start to rise.
 
Don't judge that man because he got roommates; your kids are freeloaders.
Jean DeGrate has spoken