Why I’m so knowledgeable...

To many people, I may seem wise well beyond my years and why is that you ask? Because I’m Jean DeGrate and being on top of my shit is my number one goal in life. How else could I drop knowledge to the masses with my comedic panache? Ok you’re not buying that shit? Well here’s the real...

I’m a people watcher (mostly black people; I’m trying to get my white people watching game up but it’s kind of hard to watch them without being questioned by the cops)

I was born here in DC but from the ages of 4 thru 6 I lived in Trinidad and went to Catholic school, so when I enrolled in DC Public Schools I was like an alien trying to learn your strange American ways. My first 3 years in Meyer Elementary were split between fighting and trying to imitate the shit ya’ll was doing, so I could fit in (hey I was only 6 don’t judge me). It wasn’t until about the time I hit the 4th grade that I had fully come into my own swag and carved out my own lane but I never stopped, like some of ya’ll would tune into a VH1 reality show. I’d watch my peers, my teachers, my mother’s friends, my uncles, my crack heads; absolutely nobody was off limits to my people study, I might be an amateur anthropologist. It just turned out that my study of people lead me to a better understanding of my peers and my gift of gab made it easier for me to relate my findings to you. Funny thing is people really aren’t that different from one another real talk, something that is funny to girl A. is probably funny to girl B thru F and something that pisses off boy E. is equally irritating to boy A thru D.

I got a bullshit filter

Do you know all the words to a song you hate? Can you name 4 members of the cast of ‘Family Matters’? Do you know all the words to the McDonalds filet of fish commercial? Do you know who lives in a pineapple under the sea? Now I’m betting all of you answered yes to at least 2 of these questions and you want to know why? You have no bullshit filter so you pick up all this utterly useless information and it sticks with you not that it’s anything wrong with that I just don’t.

I read the paper and watch MSNBC & CNN

Local news is full of shit neither you nor I really need to know like those updates on Elgin & Tiger Woods or the heart wrenching story of Corey Haim’s drug overdose. Yeah this might be great for conversation in the break room or an interesting twitter/FaceBook status. At the end of the day how does any of this information help you? So to avoid any of this shit I consider fluff news I read the paper and avoid local news. So while you might be picking up helpful tips about online shopping for underwear, I’m learning what Ben Bernanke and them are doing to keep mortgage interest rates low. Do you even know who Ben Bernanke is without going to Google? Probably not but you have chapters of knowledge on Octo-mom and I guess that’s a plus.

I hate not knowing shit

Nothing bothers me more than when somebody asks me a question based on factual information that I can’t answer. It hurts my soul to say “I don’t know” I got to know; I need to know. I got a strong thirst for knowledge. I play Jeopardy with my co-workers every night so I can be even more on top of my shit.

Oh and I got an IQ of 131 real talk
Jean DeGrate has spoken