Don’t Blame It on the Alcohol

“A drunken man's words are a sober man's thoughts” or in my case (and probably yours too) actions because I'm going to act a fool.

About once a year I get wasted and I mean memory hazy, calling Earl, making a fool of myself, stupid drunk; that time of year is normally my birthday. I do a few things I wouldn’t normally do, not saying I wouldn’t normally want to do them, but the drink just gives me a fuck it attitude, so I push it to the limit. While being drunk off my ass I’ve fondled 100’s of women (sorry ladies), threw a dude down a flight of stairs, choked a 7-11 employee, had sex on the hood of a car, and an assortment of other dumb shit I probably shouldn’t ever mention. That little voice in my head that says “JD don’t even think about doing that dumb shit” takes an elongated cigarette break and returns around the same time I’m pealing myself out of the bed the next morning while trying to piece together my night.

"When anyone drinks there is a neurological and psychological regression, and the higher the blood alcohol level, the more primitive and hostile the response that comes out. Alcohol can't make you think or feel things." according to Gary L. Malone, MD, an addiction psychiatrist and the Medical Director and Chief of Psychiatry at Baylor All Saints Medical Center in Fort Worth, Texas.

Short term effects of alcohol include; difficulty walking, blurred vision, slurred speech, slowed reaction times, impaired memory and blackouts, and breaks down inhibitions

They try to do like Jamie and blame it on the liquor.

I’ve heard so many stories of when people pushed the fault for their actions on an unsuspecting beverage; shit I’ve been guilty of that a few times myself (like that time I was off the Sal in Philly during Temple’s 2003 homecoming but that’s another story for another time).

Like that time you got drunk and fucked the gorilla looking chick that lives 3 building over from you, that helped you up the stairs while you were stumbling in the house drunk. You might want to blame the drink but in reality your dick was hard, she was down and nobody was around to judge.

You had them drinks in you when that guy told you he just wanted to give you head, then chopped the box for like 90 seconds before he got to stroking. It’s not the Goose/Nuevo combo that got you tripping or that you haven’t had some slight in a really long time; it’s really because you are a bit easier than you’d like to believe but pushing it off on Mr. Grey Goose just makes you feel better about yourself.

You came home fried from the club got in an argument with your girl and ended up putting your hands on her. You and her both will try to blame it an assortment of shit but at the end of the day you’re a woman beater.

Outside of passing out, calling earl and just being a clumsy fuck (like that time I fell and broke the camera stand in the club) all the shit you do under the influence is all part of who you really are it’s time to just face it.

I have seen 5 Patron lemon drops turn a ‘stand up’ chick into a table dancer but real talk, that table dancer was always in her.

Jean DeGrate has spoken