Community Pussy Guidelines

After I dropped that last blog, I’m sure a bunch of you are walking around with community pussy trying to explain your way out of it. I know you need clarification so here are the “Community Pussy Guidelines”

community pussy (noun) – a woman that has had sexual relations with two or more acquaintances…

As I wrote previously: being community pussy doesn’t necessarily make you a whore. Some of you are sluts; ain’t no way around it, but sometimes you’re just a victim of circumstance. Depending on how fragile a man’s ego is he may just see it as the mere chance that somebody he knows just got there first... kind of like buying a car from your next door neighbor. You still like the car, but it’s not as great as buying it new off the lot…if you catch my drift. Just know that a man’s ego is very delicate when it comes to recycled pussy being his actual girl. There are a few circumstances in which men just don’t give a fuck, but please don’t count on getting that community pussy courted anytime soon.

So let’s get into a few scenarios...

If you smashed the homie before they even knew each other…Yep, you’re still community.

If they got cool after you hit the second dude…Yep, you’re still community.If it was a one night stand when you were drunk in college… Yep, if they know each other, you’re still community.

Famous examples of community pussy

Gilbert Arenas’ baby’s mother Laura Govan
She can deny giving Shaq the pussy all she wants for the purposes of BBW LA, but we all know she fucked Shaq, who just so happens to be her baby father’s co-worker.

Nas’ first baby’s mother Carmen Bryan
She fucked Allen Iverson and Jay-Z. To make matters worse, her community pussy ended up on a diss track. You know why you haven’t heard about her since Jay-Z put her on blast… because now she’s pretty much un-bunnable by any celebrity.

Karrine “Superhead” Steffans
She’s pretty much fucked everybody. Just this week, she put it out there that she fucked Lil’  after the VMAs (yeah, leopard pants and all). She definitely is more of a straight up slut, but the community mileage on that pussy is undeniable. I would have an easier time naming people she hasn’t sleep with.

Madonna
Now that lady has done some impressive numbers: Sean Penn, Guy Richie and Dennis Rodman (just to name a few).

Kim Kardashian
I know for a fact Reggie Bush and Ray J have run into each other a time or two before. Kris Humphries gets to sit across the aisle from a man who gave his wife the daddy stroke on camera… that’s just got to hurt.

If this whole community pussy concept isn’t crystal clear to you by now, you’re just probably in denial. On the bright side, Kim Kardashian still got a ring so anything is possible… right?

Jean DeGrate has elaborated… sorta… I guess 

Community Pussy

It’s a little known fact that the older you get the smaller your dating pool becomes, and it doesn’t matter if you’re dating or not. With the assistance of social sites, rolling ass bitches, and alcohol, most people live within 50 miles of their birthplace, and people tend to date the same type of person over and over again. The chances of you finding uncharted territory gets slimmer and slimmer as years go by… which brings me to the actual topic of the blog: “Community Pussy”.

community pussy (noun) – a woman that has had sexual relations with two or more acquaintances… i.e. Melanie previously had sex with Walter who just so happens to play on a flag football team with Greg, the guy who she’s currently fucking.

Community Pussy VS Community Penis
Of course, community penis exists. But, they’re always some sort of double standard in dating, and like with almost every other double standard, this time, men again come out on top. I’ve personally fucked 2 thirds of a female’s crew. I could show you pictures on FaceBook right now with 2 and 3 chicks I hit posing in the same picture, smiling, with 20 comments about how they are the best of friends under the picture. They have more in common than they’d like to think for sure. I often want to comment, “Your BFF rides dick better than you,” but (even being the asshole that I am) that’s just wrong. The thing is, since I’ll never spill the beans and all of their other so-called friends aren’t trying to start “drama”, my community penis goes unnoticed. So much so that in years to come, there are great chances that I will hit a couple more chicks from that same group. Hell, I’m Jean DeGrate… I might even fuck a sister or two. That aside… the point being this is all possible due to women doing that 007 secret undercover fucking. Women don’t tell anybody who they’re fucking, not even Jesus. If he ain’t her man, on the verge of being her man, or tricking off something serious, that nigga won’t even have a name; he’ll simply be referred to as her “my friend”. The lack of communication among females makes it so easy for community penis to fly under the radar.

We know who you’re fucking
Men, unlike women, aren’t hiding who we’re fucking unless we’re just ashamed of her, but please believe even if she’s an “ain’t shit bitch” but her mouf is on 1000, she’ll eventually creep up in conversation. Groups of men talk about 3 things: sports, music and women. There isn’t but so much arguing niggas can do about why “Watch the Throne” is just ok and the Cowboys/Redskins rivalry. Next topic: you and the mileage on your pussy. You remember those naked pictures you were sexting to him on those late nights that you wanted him to come over? There’s a 90% chance at least one homie has seen those. If it was sent to the homie via text or email, there’re at least 30, and up to 1000, strangers that know what you look like naked and who you’re fucking. “Damn, she’s phat as fuck. Who’s that homie?” “This joint named Shanae, my man Kev from up top fucking.”

Why it’s a big deal
First, let me disclaim that being community pussy doesn’t necessarily make you a whore. While some of you (ok… most of you) are just straight up sluts, some of you are just victims of circumstance. The chances of a nigga being the first to dive into you greatly diminish after 10th grade, but we still like to believe we are getting some exclusive shit at least for relationship purposes. It’s a pride thing, and if you didn’t already know pride is a huge thing amongst the male sex. Finding out somebody we know hit you is a mean ego blow, and it doesn’t matter if it was last year or last decade. Let it be anything short of a serious relationship, like playing sideline chick or one night stand, you’ll probably never hear from us again. The only thing worse than your chick getting hit by the homie is your chick getting slutted out by the homie.

Just remember, “Danger, she smashed the homie” will be your new ringtone.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Why Women Are Better Cheaters

Off top let me just say women ARE NOT better cheaters than men… blog over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok, the blog isn’t over, but women aren’t better cheaters. Their success is just based on certain circumstances that simply fall in their favor.

A man cheating is a common occurrence
Do you remember the media blitz Tiger Woods got for giving the backstroke to those sideline Barbie-looking bitches? How about every Tyler Perry movie ever made featuring some dude fucking around? You want to know why the media blows this shit out of proportion? The answer is simple: men are known to get pussy on the side. If you have female friends then you know every female has been cheated on at least once. If you’re a female and you feel like you haven’t, you’re a damn fool. Men cheating is often the topic of conversation over Panera bread lunches and girls-day-out shopping trips. Men being dogs is widespread knowledge, and even if you aren’t a dog, the label is still attached to you. This is an advantage to women because out the gate, they already think you’re cheating… all they need is confirmation. And, they will do whatever they can to find out, which brings me to my second point.

Women are suspicious by nature
… And by suspicious I mean “distrustful and just plain old fucking nosey”. If your girlfriend isn’t checking your cell phone and attempting to hack your FaceBook account, you don’t have a girlfriend. When you went to the bathroom to piss and left your phone sitting on the couch, trust and believe she read six pages of text messages before you flushed the toilet. Then, she put your phone back on the exact same screen, in the exact same place, in the exact same facedown position before you finished washing your hands. When you got back to continue movie night, she was making mental notes of every Bitch’s name she saw that she didn’t know or particularly like. Sunday is ya’ll’s movie night so expect a random “Who’s Kim?” as you’re driving to dinner Thursday night. God forbid you really had some dirt in your phone (or at least what seemed like dirt according to crazy woman standards) you can fully expect, “Who the FUCK is this new Bitch Kim that texted you ‘where have you been lately?’” to pop off immediately. All the while, you just keep repeating, “But, why you looking thru my phone thou?” Kim could be any damn body: your friend, homie from back in the day, or the Asian nigga you ball with on Saturday mornings, but in your girlfriend’s mind, you are cheating with Kim. Besides just normal phone slip-ups, they notice your off behavior and will not to hesitate to investigate the cause of it. If you normally double lock your door, but today you chose the bottom lock only, she noticed, and she’s wants to know why. If you always play rap in the car, but this morning when she turned on the radio smooth jazz came on, she’s hip, and assumptions are building by the second. If you sneeze 4 times in row, something is going on. Apparently, that sideline bitch gave you a cold, and she needs to know how. This is an advantage to women because eventually she will catch you slipping.

Pride won’t allow men to be distrustful
It doesn’t matter how many times a man has given another man’s girlfriend that outside dick, he’ll refuse to believe that his girl could cheat on him. A dude could have been playing outside dick for a chick, wait for the breakup, then seriously date that same cheating bitch, but would bet his life she wouldn’t cheat on him. He’ll come up with all types of excuses as to why she cheated on the other dude just to sooth his ego. “He wasn’t laying that pipe right.” “She really wanted to leave him, but she wasn’t trying to break the lease.” “His mother had just died, and she couldn’t leave him when he was already down.” But, the thought of her being an “ain’t shit” cheating ass bitch never crosses his mind. Outside of an empty condom wrapper falling out of her purse or a homie sending him camera phone pictures of her walking hand in hand with some other nigga in the park, she can do no wrong. This is an advantage to women because they can almost get away with anything, and he won’t scrutinize it because his just knows his backstrokes are all she needs.

We are afraid of looking like a bitch
If a man does all that snooping shit women do, he automatically looks like a bitch ass nigga. You checking to see what she wrote on some niggas wall of FaceBook… yep, bitch move. You were reading her Twitter direct messages over her shoulder… yep, bitch move. You looking thru her phone while she cooks dinner… yep, that’s a bitch move too. A dude’s named could be stored in your woman’s phone as “Big Dick Larry”, and the moment you dial that number or send him a text from her phone to see what it do, a team of your homies will bust threw your window and revoke your man card on the spot. And, even if your homies don’t revoke your card, your girl will pull the old, “you must be cheating your damn self if you’re so insecure about Big Dick Larry texting me all day.” This is an advantage to women because unless the circumstances are dire, no “real” man will check up on his girl. And if you are that guy, pull your skirt down B.

Women are sneaky
All that 007 spy shit women do to check on men, they reuse those same skills when it comes to successfully acquiring and executing sexual relations with outside dick. I got a chick right now that I’m not even fucking, but she only speaks to me during her work hours because she doesn’t want her man to know. Can you imagine how much she’d go thru to cover her tracks if we were fucking? Women create back stories for men they ain’t even fucked yet so if you do end up getting the pussy and her man runs across you, she can plug you into that lie. “Baby, this is Jermaine he was the only male cheerleader at my high school. Remember when I told you he used to tutor me in French, and we stay in contact via FaceBook? Well, I ran into him at Starbucks this morning and decided to hook up for lunch. But, what you doing down here?” Cheating bitches always make their other nigga seem soft or possibly gay so their boyfriend won’t feel threatened. I mean really, what man could ever be threatened by a male cheerleader? The level of smoothness ya’ll hoes exhibit is down right brilliant, and definitely an advantage, which brings me to my final point…

Yeah, on second thought, women are better cheaters.
Jean DeGrate is watching you hoes

Your Standards Might Be Too High

I’d like to give a big shout out to Rozonda “Chilli” Thomas for opening my eyes to just how delusional some women really are. I watched about 3.5 episodes of “What Chilli Wants” because I thought she was fine. I had mean crush on Chilli when I was younger; so much so that I once owned all of the TLC CDs. I wasn’t even slightly interested in why a beautiful has-been R&B singer with only one kid and cash of her own couldn’t find a good man. In my mind, that entire season should have been able to be summed up in 60 minutes. I mean she’s fine, somewhat famous, and openly looking for a man. Shit, niggas should have been lined up around the block… That’s what I thought before I realized that bitch was crazy. Her standards were off the fucking chart even for a chick that is as desirable as she is. Since then, I’ve been paying close attention to what women want out of men.

You’re not as special as you’d like to think you are…
Let’s use me for starters… As charismatic, clever, funny, good looking, and cool as I’d like to think I am, I’m not really doing shit extraordinary. Real talk, last week a roller told me I’m not relationship material with a straight face. I still don’t know how to feel about that, but that’s the realest shit she could have said. And, while her pussy has more mileage on than a fleet of taxicabs, she still has the right to decide whether or not I’m “relationship material”.  All the things that make you think you’re the shit might not really matter to the guys you want to be interested in you. (Please see “We Really Don’t Care about That Shit” for further elaboration. HYPERLINK "http://jeandegrate.blogspot.com/2011/07/we-really-don-care-about-that-shit.html)" http://jeandegrate.blogspot.com/2011/07/we-really-don-care-about-that-shit.html))

You’re a great mother…
You know who really gives a fuck about you being a great mother? (1) Your kids and (2) yeah… that pretty much sums up that list. If your baby daddy is really about his issue, how great of a mother you are doesn’t excite him either. After all, he is the one that busted the nut in you so he probably was already aware of your motherly capabilities from the start. Believe it or not, not having kids is a bragging point (even if you are an outstanding mom). Mommy and kids come together like a combo deal so it’s always better not to have them. Your kid can be the cutest, smartest baby in the world, but most men are going to view him or her as cute, smart BAGGAGE. Your new dude wants to catch a movie then dinner and drinks, but instead, he’s standing in your living room playing Power Rangers with Jr. because your babysitter fell thru. Get the fuck out of here. I know it’s not your fault that you can’t find a sitter because you’re a single mother, and nobody is helping you. But you let your deadbeat baby daddy bust a nut in you, and that my dear is your fault. Your kids might be the best thing that ever happened to you, but the worst thing to happen to any up and coming relationship. Lower your standards, and you might get a dude with some understanding to your situation.

You think you’re the shit
Ugly women, pretty women, fat women, skinny women and every 3rd woman in-between thinks she’s the shit. Confidence is at an all time high, and with all that confidence normally comes with a large side order of shitty attitude. For every girl out here that’s ACTUALLY the shit, there’re 200 subpar bitches that think they are the shit, and 400 dudes tired of fucking with them “I think I’m the shit bitches”. The only thing worse than a nice looking girl with an “I’m the shit” attitude is a busted bitch with the same disposition. Leave that shit at the door; we don’t need you to remind us of how great you think you are.

You’re a bill
Women cost money, and it doesn’t matter how much tricking a dude says he doesn’t do. Even if you avoid dating, courting, all the other bullshit, and jump straight to fucking, you still have to pay for the condom. Yeah, I know you’re worth all these fancy nights out on the town… right? But, are you really? Think of the situation reversed: would you take a new dude (not your boyfriend or even someone you’ve cracked) out for a night on the town simply because you enjoyed his company? If you said, “yes,” you’re full of shit… know that. What makes your conversation/company so much better than the chick that’s down to kick it in the house, eat carry-out, and hit up Red Box? Way less than you actually think; plus, the chances of  fucking after a movie at the crib are far greater than after being out on the town. No matter how much paper a nigga has, we all count our coins when it comes to the “pussy bill”. I might easily have on a $1500 outfit on a random Wednesday, but I can’t remember the last random Wednesday I frolicked around town spending endless bread on Ms. New Booty. So, checking for that “wine and dine every weekend” type-of nigga because you think you deserve that might just have you waiting at home alone for while.

Single by choice
I only know of ONE girl who is really “single by choice”. She’s single because she’s in school studying for her PhD and doesn’t believe she’d make a good girlfriend, but please believe she has dudes waiting for that window of opportunity. Chances are if you’re “single by choice”, you can’t find the man you think you deserve. That’s right up there with being unemployed because you’re too good to work at Target. Keeping that logic will eventually have you dyking it up or becoming a cat lady. The choice is yours. Your standards are too high for your own good. It’s really simple; if you only attract “ain’t shit niggas” or niggas that aren’t interested in becoming serious then either you ain’t shit or you ain’t shit to be taken seriously. Think of the male you: if that nigga is one month away from eviction, changes jobs more often than the seasons, makes less than 50k a year, has two or more kids, stays with some sort of drama, and lives at the bar/club, you know you wouldn’t want to date that guy. So why on God’s green earth would a guy better off than that want to date you? Because you think you’re cute and fun to be around? Yea, that ain’t going to cut it.

Turn that ego down some, and face reality.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Over Priced Pussy

“If you treat a Bitch like a Queen, she’ll probably treat you like a fool” – Jean DeGrate (2011)

Although the stock market is down and the economy is struggling like a one- legged man at a kickball tournament, the value of vagina is skyrocketing. If I could roll my 401k into a couple of down-ass-Bitches, I’d be able to retire by next summer. Simping and tricking are at an all-time high, thus leading to a surge on undeserved confidence amongst subpar women.

“I deserve…”

It grinds my gears to a level that I can’t even put into words when I hear a woman talk about the things she “deserves”. I’m a firm believer that you deserve the things you work for. For example, I’ve been playing the lotto bi-weekly for the last 3 years, but I don’t believe I “deserve” to hit the Power Ball because I play faithfully. I didn’t earn those millions, even if I set aside 10 dollars a week to buy a handful of tickets. Now, these Rock & Republic jeans hanging off my ass, I’m sure I “deserve” these. I sat my ass at work, earned the money, and bought these. I just finished seven 12 hour shifts back-to-back; Lord only knows what I’m going to buy with that check (prolly a small farm just for the hell or it), but nevertheless, whatever I buy… I “deserve” that shit. Now, when a chick that dropped out of hair school or Phoenix Online University and currently works as a cashier at Target says she “deserves” the finer things, I always feel the strong urge to say, “No Bitch, you ‘deserve’ to die.” The sad thing about it is, it’s not even her fault that she feels that way.

I blame you Simps

You ever drive past a dude washing and waxing a 93 Ford Escort? He’s cleaning the rims, putting Armorall on the tires, and even wiping the car dry so there won’t be any water spot residue left on the paint. His car damn sure isn’t a classic. If he tried to trade it in, the dealership would probably give him 50 bucks just to get it off the lot. He treats it like a Benz even if the bluebook value wouldn’t go half on a Benz rim. Simps apply this same sort of treatment to their women. Dear Simps, you’re fucking it up for the next guy; know this. You pamper these women who wouldn’t normally be exposed to that sort of treatment because the men in their league don’t behave in such a manner. You don’t buy Keisha from 3rd street Don Perignon Rosé when she’s used to drinking 4 Loko’s and Sutter Home Moscato. I don’t care if it’s her birthday; buy her 3 bottles of that d’asti Moscato. It will hold her over; I’m sure (because bitches love sparkling Moscato). You don’t take her to Morton’s. Nope not even during restaurant week. She’s been eating at restaurants with pictures on the menus and paper napkins all her life. If you feel like doing it big, let her add an extra side of shrimp.

Treating it a 4 like an 8

When you came along working your Simp magic, she forgot about the dudes before you: the dude that had her sneaking popcorn and sour patch kids into the movies because he wasn’t paying for movie tickets and snacks, and the dude that wouldn’t drive into the city to pick her up from work but would gladly meet her at the train station closest to his house. She was perfectly cool with those guys, and their actions were expectable, until you came along upping the ante. What you Simps never realize is that one day when your relationship (or whatever) falls off, she becomes the next man’s problem. It takes about 3 or 4 dudes to leave her on stuck before the reality finally catches up again. And even then, the little bit of confidence you gave her tends to shine through ever-so-slightly. Ain’t nothing like a mediocre bitch from Southeast, who a Simp took on vacation to Miami, coming back in town with Lamborghini dreams and beach house wishes.

JD won’t upgrade you

Before I come out the pocket for a meal or even a drink at the bar, I already need to know how you’re living. If she has been at the bar for the last two hours tossing back rail Long Island iced teas, I already know when she comes thru the crib, I need to have that Svedka on chill. If she’s a Forever 21 and Bakers shopper, I won’t even talk Louie and Gucci… wouldn’t want to give her any ideas. If her favorite restaurant is Friday’s, I’ll Jack Daniel’s wing her ass to death. She likes red Kool-Aid and Top Ramen? Shit, no problem; I’ll buy her a case of both. I’m not here to show her the finer things in life; she’s supposed to do that for her-damn-self. I’m here to offer some companionship, crack a few jokes, show her a good time, and toss in the occasional deep stroke. I won’t be doing anything for Ms. New Booty that she isn’t fully capable of and willing to do for herself. Know this.

Treating 8’s like 7’s since Benjamin’s had small faces.
Jean DeGrate has spoken

Paid for Pussy is Always Cheaper

Although I don’t personally pay for sex, I’m damn sure not against the next man paying for a shot of ass (straight out that is). I barely have to call a bitch to get the cheeks, but that’s another blog altogether. If you’re one of those niggas that might “buy” pussy, buying it straight out is a sound investment if that’s all you’re really interested in. I don’t even know why prostitution is illegal. Like really… why is it illegal to sell something that is perfectly legal to give away?

It’s so easy to get free pussy… why would anyone pay for it

Unfortunately, women don’t walk around with signs on their backs stating, “Down to fuck.” It just doesn’t happen that way. She might be extra flirtatious, dressed as a slut, already have 3 kids and 3 baby daddies, and still won’t come off them cheeks. There’re no guarantees with these slutty women; she might have been down to suck and fuck the whole crew yesterday, but today she isn’t feeling as slutty.

Most women are selling pussy on the sly anyway

Every time you hear a woman say she wants a man to provide for her; she’s selling that pussy on the sly. Every time a dude takes a chick out of town in order to get those cheeks; she’s selling that pussy on the sly. She got a dude paying for her cable, cell phone, and car note knowing damn well if that nigga stops, they are done; she’s selling that pussy on the sly. If she goes to a dude for money to get her hair done and nails done; she’s selling that pussy on the sly. If a nigga only gets those cheeks after taking her shopping; she’s selling that pussy on the sly. Do you know how much money you would save if you just paid for it straight out instead of letting these chicks fool themselves into believing they ain’t hoes?

Dating is shaky

How many times have you had a first date that didn’t lead to anything? No goodnight kiss. No phone calls the day after. You can pretend like you took her to Red Lobster (cause bitches love chedder biscuits) to get to know her, but really you know you wanted those cheeks at the end of the night. You’re just 75 bucks plus poorer, and now you have a number to delete from your cell phone. How many times have you had two or three dates with a chick that went the same way? Now let’s go smaller. How many times have you bought a chick a drink in the club not even to get a phone number exchange or a dance? Do you know what you could have done with all that money? You could have bought some pussy.
 

It’s a sure thing

When dealing with a hoe, a streetwalker, an escort, or a loose bitch better known as a “prostitute”, you can guarantee some fucking is going down. You won’t have to get her in the mood because her pussy gets wet the moment you hand her that cash. You don’t have to hint toward her giving you head; she’s down for the blow, but please note that it might cost you extra. And, best of all, when the deed is done, there is no awkward moment. You just get up and roll out. No cuddling, no feeding, no cover sharing, no dates, no long pauses in conversation, and no arguments. It’s just sex, and if that’s all you’re looking for then you’re definitely going to get just that.

 
The hard math

Women cost money. There’s no way around spending it. If you got some cash, they definitely want you to spend some. So if you’re only after sex why buy into all the other dumb shit? Unless, of course, you’re in public office or considering running for one, then you might want to continue to fake these relationships, and foot the bill that comes with it. Add together dates, the dumb shit she’ll eventually ask for, switching to an unlimited text plan so you can send her “good morning” texts and random smiley faces, food, and transportation… then substract from that the cost of just buying pussy straight out. Not to mention all the money you spent on clothes for the club/bar to meet bitches. You’ll realize you couldn’t have saved more money even if you switched to Geico.
 

I’m not saying paid for pussy is better, wetter, or tighter… I’m just saying, it’s definitely more cost effective.

Jean DeGrate won’t be judging you

The Top Ten Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Me

I’m a great guy… Well, I have my moments… Ok ok; my mother thinks I’m a great guy. Thanks ma. I’m a realist; so I’m well aware of my flaws or at least whatever members of the opposite sex may consider flaws. So here it is ladies: The Top 10 Reasons Why You Shouldn’t Date Me. Yes, I’ve specifically termed this list “Top” 10 because I know there are far more reasons, but we’ll save reasons 11-100 for future blogs.

1. I don’t trust anybody

Let me take that back; I trust people to do things that will best suit them. Meaning if my happiness or wellbeing is standing in the way of something you want, I fully expect you to fuck me over. I’m not blatantly saying you’ll cheat nor am I say you won’t, but you’ll probably tell a lie or two here or there. Let’s be honest; even the most standup chicks have a slight bit of bullshit with them. That bullshit is exactly why it will take quite some time for me to actually view you differently than any other aint-shit-bitch… if ever.

2. I don’t trick

If you’re looking for the guy that’s paying for hair do’s, manicures, pedicures, cable bills, and shopping sprees, keep on looking; I’m not that guy. You want to go out to eat. I got that. You want to go to the movies. I got that too. I might buy you a random on-clearance shirt as we walk through the mall (well most likely not it still sound good though), but that’s about as far as tricking goes for me. You want to go island hoping in the tropics. I won’t be a part of that, but be sure to tag me in the photos on FaceBook. I’d love to see the Simp financing that excursion.

3. I’m an asshole and proud of it

Look here: I blogged this topic weeks ago so I won’t even get into details here. Unless this is your first time reading, “Jean DeGrate has spoken”, you already know… I’m a prick, and I’m proud of that shit.

4. I’m fucking conceded

True story: a semi-attractive woman (semi-attractive = fuckable) once walked up on me while I was standing in front of the club and said, “You’re kinda lovely.” I replied, “It’s the light.” Why? You may ask. I already know I’m fine, not because my mother kept telling me I was handsome as a kid, but because as a teenager my mother’s co-workers used to try to slide me the pussy. For that reason and several more similar to it, I don’t take compliments well. So in the morning when you roll over and say, “Damn baby, you’re fine” trying to be sweet, you won’t catch me blushing. I’m just that fucking conceded.

5. I used to be hoe

There’s still a tiny bit of hoe in me, but not as much as it used to be. I still have hoe flare ups, but I’m taking medication for that. Unfortunately though, there is no cure. This leads me into number 6…

6. If you’re from the DC area, you probably know somebody I’ve fucked

… and by “know somebody” I mean “are friends with.” Thanks to FaceBook, folks that would normally be strangers are now dot.com best friends and shit. I’ve seen 2 and 3 chicks, I’ve had my penis in at one time or another all tagged in the same pictures, smiling and shit. Not to mention, the chances of us being out on the town and running into a chick that I’ve seen naked are great. Shit, during any given week, I’m bound to run into a couple of my old jump offs on the train, liquor store, the mall or just loafing around U Street. Just note that you will have to get used to, “Oh my god; Hey Jean,” being screamed across the movie theatre… and then that same chick texting me, “What are you doing when you leave here?” minutes later.

7. I wear a wedding band all the time

Funny thing about it is I’m not married nor have I even been close to being married. Shit, I don’t even see Mrs. JD in the near future. Regardless of how close we are, you can be Miss New Pussy or my girl, when we’re out on the town, prying eyes will assume you’re a home wrecker.

8. I’ll keep fucking you long after I realize we have no future

I still give the daddy stroke to girls I booked in 98. If you ask me, “What are we doing here?” I’ll probably respond, “We ain’t going steady. We’re just cooling.” I’m a huge fan of boomerang pussy… fuck em a few times… let em get back to the world… and let them come back to get fucked again.

 
9. I’m kind of boring

Yes, I’m an excellent conversationalist, if I shall say so myself, but that’s about where the buck stops. I will dinner and movie your ass to death. I may even toss in a game of pool at the strip club here and there, but other than that, I’m really anti-everything. Trying to get me to do new shit is like pulling teeth out of a tiger’s mouth with a wire hanger. I’ve never done that personally, but it sounds difficult as fuck.

 
10. I don’t give head

I actually wrote a blog about my non-willingness to put vagina in my mouth. I even gave me top 5 reasons… look it up. For those who already read it here’s my 6th reason… I have high blood pressure. I can’t gamble with the sodium. Word on the street says pussy is mad salty son.

Thanks to this blog I’ve probably cut my new pussy chances in half
Jean DeGrate ain’t shit