Tuesday, September 5, 2017

The Jaded Good Guy

There are two types of good guys in the world…

First we have the genuine good guys. The guys who are good-natured because that’s who they are from head to toe; they are the good Samaritans, the gentlemen and the beacons of chivalry. They do the right thing for the sake of doing the right thing. Unfortunately we aren’t gathered here today to speak on those fine men carved out of the highest grade of moral integrity.

Nope.

Today we are here to talk about the other good guys. The guys that move the way they move to receive a certain response; a prize that exceeds the “that a boy” pat on the back. The “if I do XY and Z then woman should like me” good guys; the pseudo good guys. Honestly I love those guys. They’re the best type of guys because they are so fucking jaded.

Let’s get it started.

Somewhere out there is the “good guy” handbook; it contains all the required criteria to obtain good guy status. Loving his mother, keeping a job, paying bills on time, “respects” women, he’s good with his hands, has a good credit score, involved some sort of organization with other men of perceived high quality, gives spare change to the homeless and so on and so forth. He’s not trendy because he never wants to be mistaken for a new nigga; he’s never been to jail because it would jeopardize his good guy status. He doesn’t say or post racy things on social media because his family are his friends on Facebook. He always pays for dates because that’s what good guys are supposed to do. He’s been following the good guy guidelines waiting to receive his good guy blessings, and by blessings I mean a bad bitch that is sick of dope boys, fuck boys and playboys. He’s waiting for the bad bitch to recognize his goodness and realize he’s the man she never knew she needed then live happily ever after.

Pseudo good guys are perpetually attempting to date up, aesthetically speaking of course, on the good guy grading curve. “Good guys” rarely exceed a 6 out of a possible 10 rating. If a pseudo good guy is 4 the grading curve “should” allow him to successfully date 5, 6 and 7’s.  If he’s a 6 he “should” be able to bag 8’s and 9’s. You get the gist right? Right. Regrettably, it rarely pans out like that. Instead of landing themselves in a relationship; they more times than not end up in the friendzone, the play brother zone or even worst the temporary simp zone. (The temporary simp zone is when a female juices everything she can get out of man without compromising herself sexual, but of course this is only good for a limited time.)

And the problem lines here…

Even though history has taught us that women may not be the best judge of character they have been impeccably good at keeping pseudo good guys out of the pussy promise land.  These fugazi good guys typically come off creepy or disingenuous or both. Imagine seeing a grown man standing at the fence of a playground looking at the kids doing the Birdman hand rub. Ok not that creepy; but take that down about 4 notches and you’re locked on the pseudo good guy vibe. They try extremely too hard to win women over with their efforts but, lack charisma and overall personality. Their entire lexicon is a patchwork of sayings they assume will make women like them because they’ve seen it successfully used elsewhere. When the “copy and paste” vernacular accompanied by all their “good guy” credentials repeatedly fails to turn into anything fruitful they become bitter.  Pseudo good guys can’t see their flaws. They only have their checklist as a reference point and if they’ve followed the rules they can’t understand why they haven’t won. They question the integrity of women because they are good hard working men who are constantly looked over for men who they deem to be of less character and self-worth. You know, because bitches don't really want good men and shit.  In their eyes women keep choosing guys that leave them with broken hearts and turn them into single mothers. They’ll take the one story Mika told them about Andre from 3rd street that gave her a son and now he’s doing 140 years with the possibility of parole in 2064 and blankets it over every woman that’s turned them down. The pseudo good guy is jaded as fuck because bad bitches be choosing but they never choose him.

The pseudo good guy is really a fuck boy that never got in the game
Jean DeGrate has spoken

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