I wrote the original version of this blog almost 5 years ago and from the male perspective. It could use a bit of tweaking because the dating game has changed radically (not really but jive like a little bit) and it should have been for everybody from the start. Let’s get into it…
Here’s how dating typically goes…
Boy sees girl he wouldn’t mind sticking his penis in. (Yes that’s how it goes every time. This is not debatable men approach women because they want to fukk them. Never in the history of man has a guy been eyeing a young lady from the other side of the room thinking “I bet she’s a dope person; I should go over there and get to know her”.) Boy sends girls a friend request/approaches her at the bar/slides in them DM’s and shoots his shot. Swish. Girl likes boy's appearance and the things he has to say then decides to give him some attention. Boy and girl begin to text and talk (but mainly text) then shortly after they set up a date. Boy takes out girl, feeds her, entertains her, and tells her his funny stories. Boy does his best to win girl over in pursuit of that puzzi. Boy will continue you to recycle this formula until…
A. Boy captures the box
B. Girl curves boy
C. Boy exhausts his resources (time, energy, money) or…
D. Boy starts to like girl
This typically all transpires during a 2 to 4 week span and options A B and C are normally a waste of time. The truth it’s really hard to gauge the level interest in a stranger in 3 weeks during the interview stage of dating. Everybody is on their best behavior, every outing their wearing the first day of school outfit and keeping all their skeletons in a locked closet hidden behind a dresser. New people are the most interesting people. New people always have all these adventures and all these refreshing views on the world uniquely based on their personal perspective. New people are so dope.
So instead of meeting somebody new on Tuesday and out on the town that Friday we should slow it down. Ladies you can save some time and some undue mileage on the puzzi and fellas on the flipside you can save on these $200 dates. Everybody wins with this approach just stick with me for a second.
Rule 1 – Don’t store numbers
Seems senseless right? If you’re really clicking with somebody they’ll always be in the top of your call/text log. If you have to swipe up 3 or 4 times to find this person clearly the chemistry isn’t there. Plus if you’re in frequent contact the number will start to look familiar; you might even accidently memorize it.
Rule 2 – Actually talk on the phone and often
I know this concept sounds wildly outdated but a long long time ago phones were actually for talking. Sounds crazy right? It’s true though if you go to the Smithsonian this weekend you can catch an actual exhibit of cavemen using phones that didn’t have text nor internet capabilities. Conversations move so much faster on the phone. 30 minutes of intense texting is only really 3 minutes of phone time. Communicating without emojis may seem odd for the first few conversations, but trust me there are words in the English language to accurately express the upside-down smiley face. This will also accelerate the Q&A stage of all those ultimately pointless ass interview questions. You’d be surprise how fast you can figure out if you like someone or if they are full of shyt when you’re left with their words and no other distractions.
Rule 3 – Don’t go out with them within 35 days
The first 3 weeks are typically all bullshyt. All smiles and laughs and exchanging dope memes and YouTube links and shyt, but it ain’t real. Week 4 is typically when shyt starts getting real (kind of like the NFL when you can tell if your team is going to the playoffs or not). When you find out they like pineapples on their pizza and only eat the flat part of chicken wings because those are trash people. When you find out they are 30 but their mom had to co-sign on their car and apartment. You start seeing the chinks in the armor and that gives you a clearer view of the person outside of all the cool shyt they’ve presented beforehand. If they make it to the end of week 4 you should be working your to setting up an outing because evidently it’s more than a physical attraction popping here. It’s a vibe and shyt.
What are you on Saturday a month from now?
Jean DeGrate has spoken
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