Owning Your Sexuality

The last couple of weeks have been a shit show when it comes to sexuality via social media and celebrities (or used to be celebrities and by used to be celebrities I mean Bobby Valentino)….

1. Amber Rose on the Complex pod cast Everyday Struggle discussing her Slut Walk and the slut shaming movement. If 21 Savage happens to be reading this stop reading this now I’m about to say something bad about your girl homie. Amber isn’t the brightest crayon in the box, but she sure is a hustler and her hustle is her sexuality. Joe Budden and Wackademiks let her run amuck on the podcast; good thing I was already planning to write this.

2. R. Kelly doing R. Kelly like shit and of course his legion of aunties and creep ass dudes caping up for him. That’s all I have to say about that.

3. Usher Raymond officially redefined the term Fire Stick and gave new life to his 13 year old song “Let it Burn”. Oh the irony is killing me as I’m sure the lawsuits are killing him. Even women that he didn’t burn are suing him.

4. Bobby Valentino got outed by a trans woman for allegedly receiving services than dashing out without paying.

5. The trans novelist/journalist Janet Mock responding to the “transphobic” remarks made by Lil Duval on the his Breakfast Club interview accompanied by a slew of blogs proclaiming that as a trans person dating you don’t have to let people know you’re a trans person. Oh ok.

I’ve really been waiting to touch on this topic since the first season of Insecure when Molly was dating Jared (the dude that got the top from another dude). That shit was crazy and awkward as fuck but here’s the thing if that conversation was had from day one there would be no awkwardness. It’s something we kind of keep leaping over. It’s funny because we as people want a background check on everything else. If you’re buying a used car you’d want a Carfax but getting the Hoefax on someone you might become intimate and/or get into a relationship with is somehow taboo.

Ok I’m about to get into some hoe math, stats and definitions and shit…

I have my own unique definitions for what a hoe is and what a slut is (and no they aren’t the same thing). Inconveniently under these upcoming classifications I used to be a slut and I’m currently still a hoe because numbers don’t lie, but anyway on with the definitions.  I’m a firm believer that almost everyone has had a slutty moment such as multiple people in one day or hitting the several members of the crew/family. Now if those types of actions are the norm well you might fall into the slut category. Now hoeing on the other hand is established purely on volume and based on the definition of promiscuous (having many indiscriminate or casual sexual relationships) who decides what many is after all. So I came up with a very generous standard of what a hoe is. If your body count exceeds your years on earth you are a hoe. According to California State University the average male loses his virginity at 16.9 and the average female at 17.4, therefore if you’re 32 with 33 bodies you’re been dropping 2.2 bodies a year on average. That’s a bit much since the lifetime average via the National Center for Health Statistics is 7. So for the sake of argument let’s say promiscuity starts at 15 bodies (slightly more than double of the national average of lifetime partners).

Now that we have the hoe and slut shit out the way on to the gay, bi, Trans, other blurred lines and ownership…

Transsexual - a person having a strong desire to assume the physical characteristics and gender role of the sex opposite to the one assigned at birth

Own - used to emphasize that somebody or something belongs to a particular person or thing and not to somebody or something else

These definitions are important because words mean things.

See here’s the thing a big part of owning your sexuality is owning up to your sexuality. This is triple important to you guys living these double lives. If you’re playing both sides of the field or having relations with transgenders keep it 100 with yourself. Don’t spaz out when things you’ve been doing in the dark comes to light and play the victim or crazy.  I’m also not saying everybody should be walking around with a t-shirt labeled with their body count and a detailed list of their sexually escapades. That would be crazy but an option should be offered to potential sexual partners for disclosure of said Hoefax.

Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating has a body count higher than your car payment? Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating was a part of the R. Kelly sex cult and lived in his basement for a year wearing leather underwear and eating Top Ramen? Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating has an STD (or you could just let it burn)? Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating if they participated in same sex/trans relations? Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating used to be man or woman? Wouldn’t you want to know if the person you’re dating has a video or two floating around World Star doing the absolute fucking most in some home made porn? I’m sure you’ve answered yes to at least two of these questions (but if you haven’t inbox me because I have questions).

The level of admission is really up to what the person you’re dating wants to know but when you choose to omit certain things you may be uncomfortable discussing or feel as if it’s nobody’s business but your own you steal the option away from the other person to be intimate or not. Your past might pop back up on you and the person you’re digging is going to start looking at you sideways. I am by no means siding with Lil Duval but you can’t control how a person will feel or react after they have been misled. It may result in an awkward conversation on the low end but it may result in violence.

Do you own your sexuality?
Jean DeGrate has spoken