A Choosing Season PSA...
Scorned women are amongst us. They blend in perfectly to the untrained eye, but they are emotional clusterfucks. Their hearts are filled with bitterness and insecurity, and you ain't even know it. It may not seem like such a big problem today, a few weeks before cuffing season officially begins. But, as we near Thanksgiving, Christmas, and countless snowed-in days, you'll realize that choosing a butt hurt bitch isn't the move. So let ol' Jean put you up on game on by revealing some of the butt hurt signs.
1. She often compliments herself and speaks on her self-worth
She's so used to being taking for granted and the men in her life overlooking her "greatness", she will take any opportunity she can find to let you (and anybody else willing to listen) know how dope she thinks she is. Bitch might be a bagger at Safeway and be in her second semester in hair school, but to her that means the world, and all men should bow down. She feels as though she's deserving of so much: love, attention, front row tickets to a Beyonce concert, a faithful man, dinner at restaurants that don't have pictures on the menu, Gucci bags, midnight walks on the oceanfront, and a vast assortment of other shit. She can't understand why she has never gotten any of these things and she is determined to never settle for less than what she is "worth" again. Vagina logic dictates that if she makes it known to her suitors all that she's worthy of and how awesome she is, the men will finally take notice and treat her in such a matter. It almost never works though, and by "almost never" I mean "never ever".
2. She changes her phone number often
Butt hurt woman love to escape reality by dropping off of the radar and crawling into a deep dark hole filled with snacks and solitude... and often times rebound dick (but that is another blog). The best way to escape from everything and everyone is by changing their phone number. With every break-up, emotional letdown, or flat-out curve, you can expect her phone contact info to change. Just for shit and giggles, and to convince herself that she is really "moving on", she might add a digit to the end of her gmail address too. When she re-emerges into your inbox as JBeauty1@gmail.com, the reason for number change is always some variation of, "I had too many people from my past still trying to contact me", which normally loosely translates into "My old 'him' hurt me so bad, I can't allow him to contact me anymore".
3. She shuts down social media pages
The other part of the butt hurt shutout is through social networking sites; Instagram, FB, Twitter, and whatever else the cool kids are using these days all have to go. You might get a sad status or tweetgram before it all goes black. Even if it's for just 24 hours, that's the only way for her to fight urge to search his social networking on-goings, which will only add fuel to her already spurned feelings. Bitches be strong and bold until their "him" gets a new "her" online after merely 10 hours of being broken up. Even if she didn't want to stalk him, mysteriously her fingers type www.twitter.com/jeandegrate (for example) into the browser every time she gets online. Following the cyber stalking, a butt hurt bitch will formulate entire secret relationships between her "him" and other women based on the slightest online interactions. "Oh, he's commenting and liking this bitch's pictures now? I knew he was fucking that hoe. They've always been way too friendly." To avoid that the best way she knows how, she deletes all social network sites and put child protection blocks on all his personal page urls on her computer.
4. She thinks God will send her a man
Scorned women love Jesus. Scorned women go to church every Sunday (or at least post some scriptures on twitter and FB), praying for their new "him" to come rescue their tarnished hearts. In the world of scorned women, the only man that's really looking out for them is Jesus. Jesus doesn't want her to die alone. Jesus doesn't want her to be a cat lady. Jesus doesn't want to her baby father to flourish while she sits in the house watch reality TV. Jesus has a plan for her to get a great man that will make all the mishaps of the heart she has experienced seem miniscule in retrospect. All she needs to do is be patient, and Jesus will provide her with the man she has been longing for. She'll be like 35 and alone, with two baby daddies, and still proclaiming she's waiting on Jesus to send her the right man.
5. She compares you to other guys in her past
She asks random questions that seem to have no meaning with the conversation you're currently having. She's making comparisons to past "hims", and you don't even know it. "Would you ever borrow money from your girl to get new rims on your truck?" "Huh? I mean, no. So you trying to see the 8 o'clock movie or the 10 o'clock showing and we can get something to eat first." As soon as you do something vaguely familiar to a guy that hurt her, you'll hear about it. "I sent you a good morning text with 4 emojis in it, and here it is almost 12, and I haven't heard back from you. If this ain't what you want, you should just let me know. I'm tired of going thru this shit." This is happening because Tyrone didn't respond to good morning text after he got pussy, and it has nothing to do with the fact that you're still sleeping in on a Sunday morning. Her butt hurt automatically makes the irrational comparisons for her.
Beware of the butt hurt
Jean DeGrate has spoken
No comments:
Post a Comment