Cheating: People Do What The Fuck They Want To Do

As a championship cheater assistant, I feel like somewhat of an authority on all of the out-of-pocket deceitful shit that takes place behind people’s so-called “other half’s” backs. I’ve personally never cheated, but I’ve hit girlfriends, wives, and baby mothers on several occasions. (She was going to give the pussy to somebody; I’d rather it be me.) I’ve been the alibi for homies stepping out. I’ve been the explanation of gifts from sideline dudes: “You know Jean and I go back and forth buying each other shit.” One of my female homies has “allegedly” gotten 2 flat screen TVs, a George Foreman grill, and the first two Twilight movies on Bluray. I’m a giver, allegedly.

Getting cheated on is not your fault
All of that “something was lacking at home so they went elsewhere” shit is simply bullshit. Here’s news for you: something (no matter how small) will always be lacking at home. Part of being in a relationship is learning to deal with all the shit that is lacking. If too much is lacking at home… leave. Problem solved. It all comes down to the honor of the person you’re dating. Once that commitment is made, it’s all about them upholding their word. So letting her ex eat her out after the club that one time is all on her, and when he played wingman for his cousin and ended up fucking, that’s all on him. They gave their word, and they broke it. Don’t go beating yourself up because your “other half” stepped out. There’s no need to call every man you’ve ever dated to take a poll on how you can be better so the next guy won’t cheat. If his sideline hoe licks his toes and you’re not about that toe-licking life, #LetThatBitchLickToes, and keep it moving. It’s really not half as complicated as most people make it out to be.

People do things that their mate will frown on all the damn time
If you think the person you’re with isn’t doing something you wouldn’t approve of, you don’t really know any better. It might be something as minuscule as drinking milk out of the carton when nobody’s looking, but trust me, it’s something. The reason why they do it is because what they want to do is more important than what you ask of them. And, at the same time, you’re doing something (or a slum of behind-the-back shit) yourself. Hey, nobody’s perfect. So when he/she is laid up with somebody that’s not you, its sound logic to assume that the monogamy you want is trivial compared to those back strokes he/she wants.

Rules don’t work
People love to make rules in relationships to keep cheating at bay. It’s all bullshit. There isn’t a rule, agreement, or law imaginable that will stop someone from fucking around if that’s what they want to do. Eliminating friends of the opposite sex? Yeah, that will work if you’re around your mate 24/7. Chances are at least one of you has a job so never forget you’ll never know what’s going on during the 40 plus hours they spend at work every week. If you thought you were the only person they are emailing all day from work, the joke’s on you. Oh, you check each other phones? Cool; clear that call log and delete those texts or just use one of all these other ways to communicate that technology has given us. Staying off social networks? MySpace, FaceBook, Twitter, Skype, Instagram, or whatever site people are using to find jump-offs these days… none of them have the pussy market cornered; trust me. There’re an abundance of people who are waiting for some of that “no strings attached” sex even without having to put a “@” before their name. Shit, most of the polished cheaters I know don’t do social networks at all, but they get it in like curfew. If they are down to break your trust then you know its fuck your rules.

How to stop your mate from cheating
Outside of locking them up in a house with no outside human contact and around-the-clock video surveillance, I have nothing for you. You can hire private detectives to follow them around, but either they’ll get caught in the act or get hip to the 91 Ford Taurus that’s been following them for 3 days. No cheating will be adverted. You can hack their social sites, read their emails, and even bug their phones. Still, the most you can hope for is to catch them fucking up or drive yourself crazy waiting for shit. People do what they ultimately want to do; sometimes that means making you happy, and other times that means getting in a few outside nuts.

You can’t stop a roller from rolling
Jean DeGrate has spoken