I feel like I know myself pretty well. I know my limits. I know my weaknesses. I know what I want out of life. My morals are steadfast and I know I don’t like grits or potato salad and it doesn’t matter who made it so if you’re reading this we don’t ever have to have that conversation. With that being said I’m constantly learning new things about myself and it’s crazy because I’ve known me all my life. Since I’m always surprising myself I figured I’d share some of those things with you good people.
Sex is relatively low in my prior matrix
I love pussy but the older I get the lower it slides down the totem pole. It was a time in my life at a “you up” text message at 3am on a Wednesday could get me out of the bed, dressed, in the car and driving across town. Now if I’m in the house at 3pm on the Saturday with zero plans, but it looks like it might rain a “WYD” text from some guaranteed action might go unanswered. It goes beyond that too. No matter how fine she is if she’s stupid, plastic, her kids ugly or a vast assortment of other petty reasons I’m not fucking. Sorry but not sorry.
My favorite clothing brand is not Ralph Lauren
I grew up loving it. Before I could buy it on my own I plotted, pleaded and schemed to get it. In my mind I love Polo. In my mind I’m always Polo down to the socks. Only thing is I’m not though. I own maybe 7 Ralph Lauren items and that might be a stretch. One day I opened my closet and I saw whole lot of Hugo Boss and G-Star making up wardrobe essentials. I have more graphic T’s from Target then Ralph shyt.
I lie when I’m drunk
I’m a pretty honest person mainly because I don’t care enough to lie and I lack emotional empathy. Now when I’m drunk it’s a different story or at least that’s what I’ve been told. I remember the first this was bought to my attention. You know how women love to be like “remember what you said last night”? I came to her house wild drunk after the club because she responded to the “you up” text and the homies dropped me off. Well according to her I said she gave me the best head I ever got. I initially thought she was lying because her head wasn’t even in my top 20. I started taking a surveys from people that I’ve been around drunk and you guessed I was doling out these confidence boosting lies like a motivational speaker. So if you want your ego stroked come find me 6 drinks in.
I might not be dad meeting material
I came to this realization when had my kid almost 11 years ago that I had never met the dad of a single woman I’ve ever dated or slept with. I’m 38 now and I’ve slept with over 4… I’ve slept with enough women and I’ve yet to meet a single dad. I’ve never even come close to having one of those Nick Cannon Drumline “the boy is meeting the parents” moments. I might really not be dad meeting material but I’m at least I’m still the “you want some pussy ” material. Look at God.
I’m a cantankerous old man
I’m an 80’s baby with the soul of an 85 year old black man that’s retire and hangs out at the neighborhood barbershop talking shit about what’s wrong with this generation. I’m more irritable than infant that’s teething. Everything erks my soul. That was a reach because it’s not everything it’s just people. People are the worst kind of people and I can’t stand them. People stay doing dumb shit. I actually enjoy hating people.
I’m boring
Don’t let this charm and wit fool you. I’m boring. Like DVR’ing the weather channel to watch it 3 weeks from now boring. Like watching paint dry boring. My list of shit I don’t do and won’t do is longer than the Constitution. I’ve already decided not to do things that haven’t even been invented yet; like time travel, virtual sex and teleportation. So just imagine the stuff that exist right now that I’m not here for like horseback riding. Why would I want to ride something with a mind of it’s own? Never forget a horse put Superman in a wheelchair. Stay woke.
What have you learned about yourself?
Jean DeGrate is still learning Jean DeGrate
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