Are You One of The Unchosen?

Still single?

Accidently ended up in the jumpoff realm?

Didn't get the invite to Thanksgiving dinner quite yet?

Is the cold winter ahead going to be a lonely one?

Cuffing season is like a game of musical chairs and when the music stops and you're left standing... man that shit got to tug at the heart strings. But sometimes you don't even know you've been left standing until the week of Thanksgiving is here and you're just realizing you didn't get an invite to dinner. Since I'm Jean DeGrate and I'm awesome as hell I'm going to tell you the top 5 ways to know you're not in contention for cuffing.

1. No reply to your "Good Morning" text
If you shot a 717a "Good Morning" text to your potential Him/Her on a Monday morning and 9a comes and goes sans a response you're not getting cuffed. You're not even a 3rd string option for cuffing season.

2. You only communicate after sundown
If he only acknowledges your existence when the street lights are on you've probably moved from the potential cuff lane to the standby jumpoff list. He tweets all day or she IG's all day but hasn't sent anything to you other than that single lonely "Good Morning" text. It's needless to say, but that's a dead on sign of your priority in their life and the number 1 spot on the roster is not open to you.

3. You've never been to his house
A big part of cuffing is the sleepovers so actually being to the person's place of residence is a major start to that. If all home visits are to your crib but he has his own spot you know what it is. Right? If ya'll are fucking minus the cuddles then he's washing up in the sink and creeping out in the dead of night you know what it is. Right? You got to see that overnight bag to know it's real. You got to spend some quality time at his crib to know it's real.

4. He hasn't asked you what you want for Christmas
Despite the sudden upsurge of new Muslims in the last few years; the remaining somewhat Christians still practice exchanging gifts with the woman they plan on keeping throughout cuffing season. (Side note - I don't trust them new nigga Muslim either I once saw one of them take off his cofi to eat a piece of bacon.) If he hasn't asked your input on a gift or randomly requested your size for no apparent reason you can not only relinquish the idea of receiving any gifts but also the fact that you'll make it to the spring.

5. He was out of touch during Hurricane Sandy
If there was ever a great opportunity for a snowed-in dry run it was Sandy. If you were really in the running he would have been in the grocery store the day before shit hit the fan asking you what type of can goods you like. If the storm came and gone but all you got are "You good over there" text you're on the list for the Unchosen.

Bonus point, not fucking on the regular
If days turn into a week and zero attempts are made to lay it down you should be happy to even know each other still and get comfortable in the friend zone.

Are You One of The Unchosen this season?
Jean DeGrate has spoken